Mania

Gorilla and the Bird is Zack McDermott’s honest and deeply personal memoir about his struggle with bipolar disorder. At the height of his career as a public defender, Zack experiences a severe psychotic episode that changes his life. The book explores his battle with mental illness, the chaos of his manic and depressive episodes, and the unwavering love and support from his mother, who becomes his anchor through the darkest times. With raw honesty and moments of humor, the memoir shines a light on the realities of living with a serious mental health condition and the power of family in healing.

These past few weeks, I’ve been knocking myself out to get my house in order inside and outside. Two things have really helped. One is taking “before” and “after” photos. The other is listening to music on my earbuds. Somehow I never discovered how much music helps people get things done.

Tuesday night, I worked on my basement from 11 pm to 4 am. Earlier in the day, I donated a lot of items stored down there: three artificial Christmas trees, 24 pillows, 13 blankets, a rug, a shower curtain, and some clothes. We had plans to go out of town Wednesday, and my son is coming for a weeklong visit starting Friday. I wanted to get the cleaning out of the way while I had the motivation.

Problem was, I could not wind down. At 4:30 am, I found myself hanging things on the wall in my living room that I found in the basement. I’m sure some of it was fueled by mania. I just want to be consistent, not extreme in energy fluctuation. Does anyone have tips for pacing one’s self while still accomplishing goals?

So, since I was delirious and couldn’t find a candle, I got a wall sconce ready for the prom. What can I say? It’s yellow. And I finally fell asleep at 5 am.

#Bipolar #Depression #GAD #OCD #PTSD

My son loves me. I know he does. And he knows that I love him too. We have a really good relationship and we both try to be supportive of each other.

Although we don’t live near each other, we talk on the phone quite frequently about all kinds of things. When I’m having an episode, he listens and tries to help me though it. He can often tell within the first few words what is going on. So great! And I have asked him to tell me when I’m getting manic because I don’t always recognize it right away. (I can always tell when I’m depressed.)

But sometimes , I am just being passionate or angry or exited about something with reason. Then he might tell me that I’m getting manic and try to calm me down. I know he’s doing it from a good place. I tell him I have regular emotions too. It’s ok if I get excited or angry or sad when things are happening. Other non-bipolar people do too! But he won’t let it go unless I stop talking completely. It’s super frustrating and a little hurtful at the same time.

Does this happen to you? Do people assume you are having an episode if you express any emotions?

#BipolarDisorder

Good morning, I hope you’re doing well today and you have a wonderful week ahead.

I am diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and Psychosis. Here is an account of an episode where I was hearing voices. I initially posted it on my blog so I’ve edited it to make sure it is compressible to read.

Looking back a few months ago now, I had two episodes were I was hearing the voices in my head once again. Nothing sinister or anything like that, nor a command to do anything detrimental. Literally the situation was that I walked up to the pub about 1pm each day to me a friend. I had my MP3 player (I know they went out of fashion years ago), and I just use the right earphone as I’m deaf in my left ear. So, I was beginning to hear chatter. Nothing clearly but it was like I was in a pub or restaurant or something like that and I could hear the conversations of the people around me. It doesn’t worry me, or scare me as I’ve experienced this before, I have had these voices from years and years ago and to me at least, I know they aren’t dangerous to me or sinister. So I even took my hearing aid out of my left ear to see if they were coming through that, but no, I was still hearing them. I got to the pub and then turned off MP3 player and then chatting with my friend and then it all stopped. I walked home afterwards though and then it started again.

A few days later I had to collect my prescription from Mountcroft (Mental Health Resource Centre) for extra Quetiapine. So I met a mate near my house and we walked up to the promenade by the sea front and then to the next town where the Resource Centre is, and I collected the script. No voices at all.

So at the time I was then on 750mg per day of Quetiapine! 250mg when I get up and 500mg before bed! (Update: The Quetiapine didn’t work and it was discontinued in favour of Olanzapine)

I’ve noticed that I think it is more prevalent when I was silent in my mind and the thoughts weren’t racing when it happens. Basically when I’m Bipolar Manic I have too much going on to hear the voices.
It’s crazy isn’t it that I have now experienced a new scenario. I would try to see if it would happen if I had both earphones in my ears, but as I said I cut the left earphone off as it was redundant. After spending a small fortune on earphones over the years I’m not spending any more money on another set! 🤣

I wish I could have a way to record my voices and then be able to put them together in a download or something like that so people can have a listen to my voices and then they can get a better understanding of what it is like to have mental illness.

#MightyTogether #MentalHealth