masks

Everyday for nearly two years I've smiled when I was dying inside. I've joked when everything inside me settled in a thousand pieces rising up only when anxiety choked it back to the surface. I've given words of motivation to others when I was literally looking over the edge praying for the courage to jump. I've worn so many masks that I still haven't gotten down to my shattered original face. I won't tell you all I've done to help me to cope, I can't cause I don't really know. I don't think of the anxieties of this day and leave the others for their days I put all my mental energy into the mantra, "You can't fall cause you won't get back up this time." I pray and God feeds me spiritually what I need to make it not to the next hurdle, obstacle, moment, step, day, or minute but the NEXT BREATH. I convince myself daily that I'm unworthy of redemption. That the nothingness that I am isn't worthy of anybody. I'm struggling but I know it. If everyday you wear the mask of I'm okay and you are not you're not fooling anyone especially the ones of us also wearing the masks...welcome to our group. #masks #nothingness #Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #coping #Notes #welcome

jjdolan.substack.com/p/why-i-wear-a-mask

Today at the mall, some lady was talking to me and saying. How stupid that people are still wearing a mask. She made me feel uncomfortable. I was thinking let people do what they want. Most people still wore them.#COVID19 #masks #Depression

Just went to DQ without a mask, which was a total accident. It was...weird. We were outside, I kept my space, respected others, and let my dad do the ordering at the counter. Everything was fine, but with this experience came self-consciousness.
1. You feel naked
2. There’s a good chance that all people around you have noticed that you’re not wearing a mask. If I’m being honest, seeing a person without a mask creates judgments about them in my head. So why would someone think differently about me?
3. As someone with significant social anxiety that I have battled for a long as I can remember, I have found that wearing a mask is a perfect way to hide your face. This has made social interactions both more challenging and easier. It’s harder to read the emotions of others, and it’s easier to hide your own.

I have gained many experiences in this past year and done a bit of “adulting”, however I’ve also been able to hide behind a mask. The possibility of removing the mask mandate anytime in the future brings me, and I’m sure many others, fear about feeling ‘naked’ and uncomfortable.

It’s just so odd/bothersome that all of this has become part of every waking moment. Last year at this time we had no clue what was about to unfold. I remember being just a few weeks in and wondering when it was ever gonna end. Little did anyone know... #SocialAnxiety #masks #selfconcious #nervous

Anyone else having a hard time reading people’s emotions throughout the pandemic? I’ve always worn a mask at work but now that everyone else wears one I’ve noticed I’m super uncomfortable about knowing how they feel about me. Growing up trying to cope with cptsd and alcoholism in the household, I learned to scan people’s expressions and try to see if they’re trustworthy genuine etc. I find myself getting anxious if I can’t tell if someone looks happy in their eyes or kind... funny how these things are so embedded in us.