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The Relationship Between Nostalgia, Depression, and Grief

It's normal to go through moments of nostalgia. You may visit a place that reminds you of home, or merely find yourself wandering through a memory, perhaps brought on by a particular scent, environment, experience, or anything that brings the comfort or reminder of a precious time.

Frequent Nostalgic Feelings Is Common in Depression and Grief

Nostalgia on its own is common. It can bring about warm feelings and even some bittersweet feelings about the fondness of the memory and the awareness of time that's past -- the loss of a part of life that we can't truly have back the way it once was.

However, nostalgia can also become out of control and even all-consuming. In my practice, I work with people who struggle with depression, and also with people who struggle with Grass Is Greener Syndrome -- in the most basic terms, people who repeatedly start over in various areas of life (such as relationship, career, or where to live) looking for something better, and struggling with chronic disappointment. With both depression and grass is greener syndrome, it is common for people to become almost tortured by nostalgic memories.

Nostalgia in certain moments is a fond reminder. However, nostalgia as a frequent occurrence is often more a combination of deep yearning tied together with grief. You may wish and urge for times in your life that you can't return to anymore. It can sometimes be a wish to return to a certain place in life, or a specific event. All-consuming nostalgia is often a wish to go back in time, which is often a sign of grief and loss that is taking over.

Unprocessed Grief and Loss and Its Pull Away From the Present

When caught in the haze of depression, nostalgia often points to unprocessed grief and loss that is carried over time. There may be a constant pull to transport to a place that is away from the present. The happiness and fulfillment is always somewhere else, and it may become commonplace to look for gratification outside of the here and now.

One of the most difficult parts of unprocessed grief is that it has a way of showing up with a hint of fantasy. There is often a wish for euphoria, a certain feeling that everything will be good if you can just achieve that feeling. When nostalgia is associated with depression, it is often the fantasy of finding the place in life where everything was once good that people wish to return to. The desire can turn into a long-term search to find that place again -- to return to the memory of the simpler time.

Fantasy vs. Reality

However, it can also become confusing. The nostalgic memory can seem so perfect. Is it really a memory, or a fantasy? Or, maybe a bit of both? These deeply emotional memories and cravings can have a way of making the present seem unsatisfying because life doesn't tend to reach the desired emotional fulfillment level of these fantasies -- the memories plus the projected euphoric emotion onto it. These memories also have a way of only shining light on the good, and removing negative emotions from the point of recall. These memories are often not as pure as the nostalgic moments would have you believe. This is the mind's way of attempting to grieve, to shine a light on the pain of the loss so you can process it. But it can actually lead to confusion for many people -- instead of grieving, they end up chasing the fantasy, and end up in deeper depression and repeated grass is greener acting out while trying to achieve the fantasy.

Grief can show up in a variety of different ways for people, but when people carry losses with them, they can often start to crave unprocessed experiences. People often don't realize that they don't get to necessarily decide which losses in life stay with them. The losses choose you. Sometimes it's the loss of a happy childhood and certain experiences that stood out to you. Or, it's the loss of time with family, or the loss of time at school with friends, or having few responsibilities and just being a child. And so on. Nostalgia plays the reel of grief and loss to show you what losses have stuck with you.

Grieving, Moving Forward, and Finding Fulfillment in the Present

When I provide therapy for people who struggle with depression, I will commonly look at moments of nostalgia in our work. As losses and cravings accumulate with little realistic path to return to these moments, they can turn into complicated grief and become a form of depression. Life can start to become more about the fantasy than the reality, and it can be easy to start living with two eyes on the past, rather than an eye on the present and future. If you are aware of it, nostalgia can provide somewhat of a roadmap through depression and grief.

#Depression #grassisgreenersyndrome #nostalgia #Grief

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Cheerful Nostalgia

I’m not usually one for sharing pictures of myself (totally out of my comfort zone!!!), but I want to share the happy vibe of Snoopy for Halloween.

Lately I’ve been feeling quite nostalgic….. in a good way! So I’ve bought myself a few Snoopy tshirts that absolutely bring a smile when I wear them.

They make me *and* the people I meet smile, actually! I’ve had strangers walk up to me at the farm market and say how much they like my shirt and the cheerfulness of it. Can you believe it?!

I hope you enjoy him, too.

Please share if you have any similar bits of happy nostalgia that are making you smile!
#Snoopy #nostalgia #DistractMe

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The Wayback Machine

I guess my Spotify DJ was in an 80s mood the other day. I have an eclectic list of liked songs so to have a full hour of 80s music was fun while I was working :)

Remember the song "Seventeen" by Winger? omg I for sure didn't see issues with the song back in the day when I was a teen, but listening to the lyrics now as an adult? Totally different now lol So icky creepy. lol

Doesn't mean I'm not gonna dance and sing it, though lol #nostalgia #Music #GenX

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Missing my ex #nostalgia , #Grief

I really have been very upset that my withdrawal symptoms with my ex still haven't gone away yet even and that makes me very upset, because I can have a lot of emotions in many different kinds of ways #confused

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Why do I sometime feel like a child stuck inside an adult body ? : how can I overcome such intense feelings of nostalgia?

Do you also have the feeling that no matter how hard you try, no matter how successful you are, the amount of money you have, good health, therapy...that you will always feel empty, like something is missing ? And that the piece will never be found and that you may just as well give up ?

Depressions, anxieties, and childhood traumas apart, whatever they are...I feel like there is something I will actually never recover from. It is a certain feeling that is very hard to express with words. I don't think I will be able to talk about it with my psychiatrist, and yet I should try because it causes me so much sadness.

It is a feeling of extreme nostalgia, I feel like a child that's been put in an adult body with no instruction manual. I can't seem to fonction like people of my age. I don't look and I don't act like people my age. I constantly live in the past, remembering childhood memories every day all day since I've hit my 20's (now 24). Almost like a prison sentence, like the child is still there. I even began to collect objects/toys from my childhood.

I miss this so bad, I had my environnement, my surroundings, my friends, I just can't seem to let it go...

The reality of adulthood is shocking to me.

I constantly feel like each day bring me closer to my end ? I don't my futur past the end of the week. Everything must happen so fast now, and I struggle to keep track, I feel so behind compare to everyone. It's near impossible for me to create any form of relationships. My reality now is dull, boring and lonely. And If even as a grow older, I begin to slowly tick more boxes (good work, good situation, mariage even...), I don't think that I will ever get rid of that feeling, and It will be all just pretending to be "normal".

I want to thank the few people that might read this. I am also curious to know if this feeling is familiar to some of you.

#Depression #nostalgia #Childhood #Trauma #Anxiety #MentalHealth #sa

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Dreamland

I'm riding a motorcycle through a haze of starlight and neon at an irresponsible speed. The lines of my vision are surreally sharp, and the air whipping my face has a metallic tang as it enters my lungs. My blood feels like battery acid and I'm acutely aware of everything from my fingertips to the soles of my shoes. The person sitting behind me is pleasantly, but not oppressively, close. Waiting at a stoplight, I can hear and feel the engine thrum within the core of the machine. The blazing traffic light turns green. The music swells.

I re-emerge into wakefulness, but don't open my eyes. One more morning, I play the game with myself. As long as I lay here, I can live in both worlds. Despite my resistance to it, my closed eyes register light and I start to feel the weight of the covers over my curled-up self. Even here, I could lay forever. No.

My hamstring twitches, and I sit up. Damn. I wish I was still in dreamland, then hate myself for wishing so. I extract myself from bed, and fumble my way to the shower, where the hot water and a tightly clenched jaw wash away the longing I want not to feel. Who wants to ride a motorcycle anyway? I ask myself. I shake my head like a wet dog, turn off the water, and breathe deep before I greet the day. #CerebralPalsy #nostalgia

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December hurts #December #Christmas #Hurts #melancholia

Does anyone feels like December hurts?
Hurtsbecause that table who used to be occupied by many people is now empty
Hurts because those people who passed away can’t be her in Christmas
Hurts because the rest of the family doesn’t give a fuck of way the traditions are
Hurts because now loneliness is the main guest of Christmas
Hurts because the good memories are now part of a family history that never will come back
December hurts and hurts bad #December #nostalgia

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December hurts #December #Christmas #Hurts #melancholia

Does anyone feels like December hurts?
Hurtsbecause that table who used to be occupied by many people is now empty
Hurts because those people who passed away can’t be her in Christmas
Hurts because the rest of the family doesn’t give a fuck of way the traditions are
Hurts because now loneliness is the main guest of Christmas
Hurts because the good memories are now part of a family history that never will come back
December hurts and hurts bad #December #nostalgia

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December hurts #December #Christmas #Hurts #melancholia

Does anyone feels like December hurts?
Hurtsbecause that table who used to be occupied by many people is now empty
Hurts because those people who passed away can’t be her in Christmas
Hurts because the rest of the family doesn’t give a fuck of way the traditions are
Hurts because now loneliness is the main guest of Christmas
Hurts because the good memories are now part of a family history that never will come back
December hurts and hurts bad #December #nostalgia

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#Halloween #nostalgia #Bipolar2Disorder

So after many years my wife and I decided to carve/decorate pumpkins. This one is mine. It feels like a huge win against #Depression and #sad . It was simple and fun. And the seeds are a #Healthy snack.

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