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Hi! This is my first post on The Mighty. I am very scared right now. I am worried that the cancer is back, and I am not being taken seriously enough. I just want to cry...but I can't seem to. It doesn't help that I have caffeine circling my body right now making me even more anxious.

#CheckInWithMe #Cancer #pancreas #pancreatic #pancreatitis #Caffeine #cry #scared #anxious

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Each time I try to get up, I get knocked back up.

As you know, my beautiful cat was very poorly. By Friday, she had lost 350g in three weeks, she was severely anaemic, with very low red blood cells, haematocrit & haemoglobin. The symptoms pointed to #Cancer , either in the #pancreas , or #
abdominal lymph nodes. I had a chat with the vet and she mentioned euthanasia at some point down the line. We got Tara home and she just went downhill really REALLY quickly. She stopped eating altogether, having only been picking at her food.
My husband and I had a chat on Saturday and we came to the decision that, although it would be hard for *us*, it would be kinder for Tara to ease her suffering so we made the appointment.
We tried to give Tara plenty of cuddles but she spent all of her time on the duvets in the cupboard in the office.
So, come Monday 4pm GMT we set off for the vet for Tara's final journey. Because of #COVID19 restrictions the vet took Tara in first and then came out for me (only one person was allowed to be present when a pet was put to sleep). We talked about Tara's bloods and the vet said, going by what she'd seen, it was more likely than not to be cancer. I was absolutely petrified but when I went in, there was my wee girl on the pink onesie she loved snuggling on. I spoke to her, told her I loved her and, as the vet gave her the injection, I held her paw and she slowly and peacefully fell asleep.
I'm absolutely heartbroken. I know it was the right thing to do for Tara: if we'd not taken her when we did, she wouldn't have seen out the week & if the cancer had spread through her body & to her brain, she'd be suffering beyond belief and I'd hate to see her like that.
Anyway, thank you so much for reading. It feels good to get it all down.
#Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Cancer #bereavement
PS the picture was done by a friend on Twitter.
PPS apologies for any spelling mistakes


It never ends!

They took stool samples... GI troubles have long been something I struggle with and doctors have been clueless as to why. Of course they have, doctors are idiots with big pay checks.
This time something popped... It shows I've got too much fat in my stool and thats bad. 2 years ago I was diagnosed with gallstones and I wasn't able to have the surgery due to life stuff. Life stuff... sounds simple but it never is. Not for me. 2 years ago was one of half a dozen suicide attempts in the last 2 years. I was so done with life, there was just too much going on to make life worth any living. So gallstones were so low on my priorities at that time I just didn't care.
Now? Now it might be involving my pancreas. Now its complicated and I'm really sick and in a lot of pain. Now I'm losing weight fast. Now I'm miserable and need it to stop. So of course it means more testing and probably a CT scan to see whats what with my gallbladder. Fun times.
I'm so tired.
#gallstones #pancreas #ChronicIllness


Check out my first published story on The Mighty

My post is about the misconceptions that people have about #Diabetes . Why is it perceived as a uniquely silly disease? Why so many jokes? Did you know it kills more Americans each year than cancer and AIDS combined? Read the full post:

#DiabetesType1#JuvenileDiabetesType1#DiabetesType2 #insulin #AutoimmuneDiseases#endocrinediseases #MetabolicCondition #pancreas