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Ode To My Grandfather #Old #MentalHealth #Dementia #BasalCellCarcinoma #ADHD

My Grandfather was born in New Brunswick Canada in 1924 of Irish/Scottish/English heritage. He will turn 100 years old in November.
My Grandfather is the sweetest man I have ever known. Selfless, giving, caring of others…a gentle and quiet spirit.
I saw him yesterday at his retirement home. He lived with us until the age of 97 and was in decent health…although he has had basal cell carcinoma on his head and nose from the year I was born (for 35 years.)
A bout of pancreatitis sent him to the hospital and his health (and mind) rapidly declined in 2022.
Now, he is bedridden and almost deaf…his skin cancer has become severe and he seems to have dementia although he has not been diagnosed.
I wouldn’t wish this on my worst enemy, being 100 is not the pretty picture you see in the news. It’s ugly and sad…and if I think too long on it I get depressed because this fate has come to the most honourable of men. My Papa did not deserve this.

Let me tell you who he used to be:
A young man married with 2 children. The eldest a boy and a girl (who is my Mom.) He worked as a repairman at GM and stayed there 30 odd years retiring early due to his wife’s health. My Nana had Addison’s disease since her 30’s.
During all of this he diligently served his local Adventist Church as head elder for many years.
His hobbies included leather work/stained glass and gardening. Despite the fact that he suffered from digital tremor for much of his senior life.
He was the male influence in my life as my own father was largely absent. Even to this day in his confused state he tells my Mom that his “daughter” came to visit…while asking me who my Mom is. He has never once seen my face and not known me…

I love my Papa! If sanctification can be seen completed in the character of a human being it would be seen in him. The lovely character of Christ still shines even through all of his pain and all the deaths of loved ones including his own son…in his confusion he is as sweet and as polite as he’s always been. Never a vulgar or harsh word spoken.
He was and is my inspiration to continue in the faith…no we are never perfect in this life but we can try our hardest to live a good Christian one.

I wrote this because I don’t want the world to forget my Papa. Yes, he was/is your ordinary hard working man…but he was/is extraordinary to me.

11 reactions 3 comments

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is NGlucina111. I'm here because I have chronic necrotizing pancreatitis,inertia hernia in my groin ( which honestly is almost more painful than CP) one kidney and a decent variety of other issues!!

#MightyTogether #ChronicPancreatitis

3 reactions 1 comment

Need a big distraction

Next Tuesday I am going to have three procedures which will be very invasive. I will have to start preparing for them Monday morning and it's going to be miserable. I won't get much sleep that night either. I have been dealing with pancreatitis, pain, and nausea for four months and so far, all of the tests I've had offer no explanation. So...they want me to do this.

I am totally torn apart about this. I've felt like a toddler, stomping my feet, and whining, "I don't wanna do this!" I have experienced trauma in the past and everything that's been happening has been triggering my PTSD something awful. There is nothing I can do about it this weekend so I need some major distraction. Lately, I've mainly been crocheting, trying to sew (I'm a novice), and finding good TV to watch. I don't know if that's going to be enough. I'm just looking for suggestions for distraction. Anyone have some ideas for me? Thanks.

#PTSD #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #Anxiety #DistractMe #CheckInWithMe

31 reactions 18 comments

My anxiety struggle

Have had anxiety since I was 12 following a family loss. Then went to counseling at 16 for a family business taking too long to startup. Landed in the hospital in 2020 with pancreatitis and ecoli, I spent a month in there with no one able to visit me, then landed back in the hospital in 2021 for gallbladder surgery. Iam a happy guy, healthy, 27 years old, I just wish this anxiety and panic attacks will go away. Currently looking for a therapist but hard to find. I appreciate everyone in this group to review my past life problems, I’m not here for sympathy, I know this is just another chapter in my book but I just wish it was different. I would give anything for a day without shortness of breath or my throat feeling like it’s closing. Thank you all for listening.

7 reactions 1 comment

Having a hard time

Two months ago I was struck down by a severe case of pancreatitis. My Thanksgiving dinner in the hospital was toast and jello. Just before Christmas I had surgery to remove my gallbladder. During all of this, I have experienced an overwhelming amount of pain. I already had an issue with it, but it seems all the pain medication has caused another problem which continues to create a great deal of pain.

I am dealing with this horribly on an emotional and mental level. I feel so much shame and blame myself, believing that I brought it all on myself. I continue to punish myself and have no self-compassion whatsoever. I am even pushing my therapist away, choosing to make myself continue to suffer.

After a day rife with suicidal thoughts, self-loathing, and shame, I was finally able to journal a little last night and see how much worse I'm making this for myself. I sent a message to my therapist late last night, finally admitting some of what I'm experiencing. I'm so afraid I have frustrated him to the point that he won't even read my message (he usually reads them quite early in the morning and he hasn't yet - which just makes me feel worse about myself).

I'm afraid if I have another day like yesterday, I will act on my self-harm thoughts, being weighed down by the enormity of it all. I don't know how to keep coping.


28 reactions 6 comments

Happy New Year

Ive been living with depression since a young age. Pancreatitis for a decade, and recently was diagnosed with PTSD and a new auto immune disease - vascultis. Eff me right? 😅🤦🏼‍♀️

Just looking to meet like-lifed people who understand chronic illnesses (physical and mental) 🙂 - y’a know, just cause we ‘don’t look sick’ doesn’t mean we aren’t fighting serious battles right?🙋🏼‍♀️

All the best in 2024! Hope to meet some of you soon 😘💁🏼‍♀️

#ChronicIllness #PTSD #Depression #ChronicPain #ChronicPancreatitis #Vasculitis #MentalHealth

34 reactions 10 comments
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I've been having such a hard time the last month and a half. I'd already been dealing with a months-long bout of worsened depression and then I started November with COVID, a bacterial infection, and was eventually hospitalized with severe pancreatitis. I'm still dealing with pain from the latter and I will have surgery next week to have my gallbladder removed.

In amongst all of this, I've been dealing with intense triggers that have made it difficult to function. And of course, there's Christmas (thank goodness for online shopping). Yesterday I was so determined to deep clean my living room and vacuum, I'm still paying for it with pain this morning.

But...I did sleep okay last night and, despite some pain, I really want to have a good day. I NEED to have a good day. Everything that's been going on has depleted my mental and emotional energy stores. I was able to cope fairly well yesterday but I still had to expel a lot of energy. I need a day that will bring me even the smallest amount of peace without so many roadblocks.

My affirmation for today is "Own your awesome." I'm going to try to have a good day. Use positive self-talk (attempt to anyway), try to be mindful in what I do, and practice self-care (which is difficult for me). So, here goes...

#PTSD #ptsdtriggers #physicalillness #Mindfulness #Selfcare

7 reactions 3 comments

I'm new here!

Hi, my name is Salnsal1. I'm here because I co care for my husband who has FTD with motor disorder and my mom who has Alzheimer's. My 27 year old daughter helps me she has all the anxieties according to a therapist and is on the spectrum plus has heart problems. I survived 4th stage cancer I live with chronic migraines, fibromyalgia, chronic pain, pancreatitis and a foggy brain with memory issues since kemo. I am looking for support and knowing of all of the above plus looking to connect with others that are dealing with some of what I deal with on a daily basis. My migraines started as a child without the headache part until I was 12 than the headaches started I wasn't diagnosed tell I was older. I was given 2 weeks to live in 2009. Life is very precious to me as I have had to fight my intire life. My daughter has tought me to listen to my body and slow down before I put myself out for days or weeks. I look forward to getting to know people on here.

#MightyTogether #Migraine #Fibromyalgia

9 reactions 5 comments

H.ELP. Needed, H=Hearing E=Everything L=Listening P=Please

EDSer, Multiple other "special rare" diagnoses. Finally GI dx gastroparesis, collapsing esophagus. Already + many other EDS related GI "issues" megacolon, endogenous fermentation syndrome, chronic & acute pancreatitis which snowballs into kidney & liver failure.
Here's the questions I have to find new GI. Curre 1 Said gastroparesis & esophagus "absolutely not related to EDS & will do nothing more for me"
Pain is debilitating, rarely eat difficult to keep fluids down, this is more often than not. Needing to gain strength for C-Spine fusion before "you're paralyzed & in a chair for life" I'm grandma to a dozen...have dysautonomia & TBI from too many concussions from brady/tachycardia. I'm in FL yet willing to travel. NY Langone is best for dysautonomia or Tel Aviv!! Can't keep putting off neurosurgery. Yet nutritional status is down the drain. 67 yr old desert old hippie dippie. Nothing is promised yet I've 1 (outta many) institutionalized child 32 yrs young, & want to be here as long as possible. Ty for any & all input. I'm
lost & overwhelmed. #haveextaordinaryfun #LivingAllRareGirlsExpoloring

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Never judge a book by its cover. #chronic pain#Disability #Depression

This picture of my daughter shows a happy young woman, full of promise.
But underneath her smile is pain. The pain of feeling undeserving of love. The pain of excessive drinking to deal with those thoughts. The pain that came when she knew that she'd never feel good enough. Or enough.
My precious daughter passed away Feb 2022, when her heart finally gave out from chronic alcohol abuse. Her last year, she was hospitalized 7 (yes 7) times for pancreatitis due to her drinking. And her doctors warned her. Every time. Yet she always went back home, knowing that she'd continue drinking.
We talked by phone nearly every day. We shared music and books. And pics of our pets. And she'd say how she adored her husband. But that she didn't deserve his love or anyone's love. Nothing any of us said would change how she saw herself. Rehab didn't work. Therapy didn't work. She couldn't face the true source of her feelings and always stopped when therapy got too close Her friends, too, tried to help. But her beliefs came from a deep, dark place within her. We never found out what it was.
We are all moving on, in our own ways, at our own speed. Personally, I've learned that it's not disrespectful to her memory to move on.
I remember her as the 3 y/o, singing along with Patsy Cline on the radio. And at 18 months old, sitting in my lap, as we watched beavers in a pond, building their dam. And when we had to put the Christmas tree in the playpen to keep her OUT ! And her love of animals. And her laughter.
But mostly I remember that as each phone call ended, she'd say
"I love you Mama." And I'd reply
"I love you too, my precious girl." Or vice versa.💗
Those were our final words.
You really were the sunshine in all of our lives, Melinda.🌞
Rest peacefully, at last, precious girl, surrounded by God's love and Heavenly music and the animals you loved.

22 reactions 19 comments