Random thoughts tonight #Relapse #randomthoughts #AloneWithMyThoughts
Laying in my bed,
I'm just staring at the ceiling,
Thinking that I'm good
but I know I'm 'bout to relapse
I do this thing...
When I see a large number of people participating in the same behavior, I purposely avoid doing that thing, whether I like the thing or not
Pretty sure that’s not “normal behavior”
It just makes me question why? Depending on what it is will result in varying answers of course.
Do that many people really like the same thing because they genuinely like it, or because everyone else is doing it? - OR - a blend of the 2?
Thats the immediate response when shit just ain't happening right. Then, is it really me (because ive made this up in my mind) or is it them? Why is my life quiet and my mind so loud? I stopped wearing one mask but there's like 5 more underneath that one. I feel like I'm running out of time! I hate that I give more love to others than I do myself. But I love it. Just can't do right. What the fuck is really wrong with me? Why do these meds only work temporarily? I been taking pills for 4 years now wtf!!😳😟Whats my purpose? I'm just walking through life, I can't even smell the roses. I think someone hid them 😂 Wheres the love of my life at? I'm tired of waiting🕢. Am I setting the best example for my daughter♥? Ahhh that feels better. Whew I was gonna explode✴ that let some of the steam out!! Thanks for always listening Mighty. #SchizoaffectiveDisorder #MightyTogether #BipolarDisorder #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #randomthoughts #Cantsleep
The pandemic, the isolation, the lack of social life (not that I had a very active one before). Now I’m not reading, hate to eat or make something healthy, gained tons of pounds and nothing fits anymore. Don’t have the energy to do anything or even want to try. Works feels burdensome, not working is just bursting my anxiety.
Is it boredom or my depression is coming back? Help!
You know how comic book villains have like... A goal? They never accomplish it because of the hero. Generally.
But what would they do once they finished their goal and killed the hero?
Are they happy? Are they bored? Do they even want to accomplish their goal, or just die trying?
I know once you complete a goal, you're supposed to find a new one. But then it's like... Are you just supposed to have endless goals and know you're not going to finish them?
How is that not depressing all by itself?
Are goals and accomplishments just mental tricks to keep us busy until we kick it?
What even IS reality?
I'm shutting up now, even I know when I've gone too far over the other side, lol.
Sometimes I wish I was 21 years old again
I would be active duty and my military career would begin
Sometimes I wonder if I could be close to normal
I just want to be seen as a woman in a formal
Sometimes people make you feel so down
I really would like them to see me not as a clown
Sometimes things happen and that’s just life
I would love to have an appointment when doctors don’t just gripe
Sometimes the day brings various tasks
However, when you want to know something, just ask. #randomthoughts