thinkingoutloud

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My "Gender Envy Board" πŸ³β€βš§πŸ³β€πŸŒˆπŸ’šπŸ˜„πŸ˜…

Okay, so I have recently come out as #Transgender (female to male) and with this, I decided I want to publicize my "Gender Envy Board" lol

People have always been curious about some of them, so, even though nobody asked I'm gonna explain some of them

The "Percy Jackson" book series: I can't explain it. I just feel a kind of #gendereuphoria when I feel the books Ranboo, Wilbur Soot, Troye Sivan: He's a very pretty boy. Yungblud: He's a very pretty boy and he's #comfy with it. He doesn't let people tell him how to dress simply because of how he identifies his gender Outfits: I really like the outfits and wish that I was #comfortable enough with society to wear them. If you have any more questions about anything I'd be #happy to answer them!!

#Anxiety

#Depression

#EmotionalOverload

#thinkingoutloud

#LGBTQ

#LGBTQAI

#learning

#Comfort

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I wish I could've someone like the cat sometimes eheh 🀣😊❀️

I don't really like to be alone. Noone does I think, right?
I'm an introvert, asocial and pretty difficult to get near to, type of person. I have exceptions tho eheh. If sense worthy people (rare), that have a hidden gem in them, I open up and become more comfortable.
I used to love my alone time but to be alone now make me feel empty and scared. Fear is ok. I can manage that but I really hate feeling empty. It make me feel like the last bit of humanity I have is slipping away.
I have few friends here that I absolutely adore but they all live kinda far and I can't meet them often because I don't drive here. People here are really wilde on the road 😨.
Literally: "rules of the road what?? Nahhh. I wanna cause an incident today". At times I think they think that way πŸ˜‚.
I love my friends and they love me too so, when I feel alone, I remind myself that and I feel better. I send a msg to them whenever I miss them too much but I never talk about it XD ahahahahah I just ask how they are, what they are doing or I just send them a random hugs and hearts eheh.

Most of time I'm the cat in the picture πŸ˜… but to be honest sometimes I really wish to just be the dog and have my own cat to just stay with me. But who would I call? Let's be sincere πŸ˜‚πŸ€£ ahahah. They are all busy and I respect that. I know life is never easy for anyone so I text them nice and funny things to make them smile instead of talking about me. Wrong I know (I shouldn't keep things in) but also GOOD because seeing them smile and be the confort they need make me happy eheh. I work weirdly I know ahahahaha but I love my weirdness.
I love myself 😊❀️ and those are some words I never thought I would ever be able to say about myself in the past. LOVE + MYSELF? Me? Hahaha.
Life have interesting turns πŸ˜„πŸ€£πŸ˜Šβ€οΈ.
Kinda curious to see what happens next so I will keep living for now eheh

#Anxiety #Depression #MentalHealth #sharelove #thinkingoutloud #haveaniceday #smile #differentprospective

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Cancer Sucks #BreastCancer

The last few days have been especially difficult for me. Sharing my struggles for some reason helps me cope better. It's almost like they become less of an issue.
#thinkingoutloud this Thursday, February night because my thoughts become words and my words become therapy..
Did I mention I'm not a winter person?...

After you go through a cancer diagnosis, you are forever changed. They say you have to find your #newnormal I haven't found mine yet. I'm still trying to manage and deal with everything that has changed for me these last 5 years.
These last few days I've been dealing with back and rib pain. The thing is, after cancer you never feel safe anymore. You're always questioning fate and your destiny. More than ever... You're always hoping for the best outcome. You're always trying to remain positive. But here's the thing, you really, aren't ever 100% safe anymore. You're literally feeling like, with every ache and pain, you're dodging bullets.
If you haven't been through it you will never fully understand what it feels like. You can try and imagine what it feels like but until you live it you'll never understand especially when you're a mom hoping you'll stay around for as long as you can.
So tonight I lay here in bed praying that what I'm feeling is just weather related arthritis pain or maybe I strained myself unknowingly or maybe it's my fibro flaring up and just wait it out until the pain subsides.
Night night my friends. Hugs...
#Cancer #BreastCancer #breastcancersurvivor #cancersucks #Anxiety #Fibro #cancerthriver #MentalHealth

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