ritulisticabuse

So I started the hardest process of my life..
I gave my first video statement about the horrific ritualistic, sexual, physical and psychological abuse I lived through from 0-8.

It will take a series of interviews to tell the whole story.. 8-9 separate interviews maybe more!
It's taxing in a way I can't explain.
There is NO other situation that someone would speak to that way about your trauma.

Also the terms I have to use are soo uncomfortable. Having to name exactly what body part touched what.
You can't just say "then he raped me" you have to explain to them exactly what rape means!

I know through this process I'm taking back my power and hopefully stopping the abuse and murder of children.

But at this moment it seems like its going to take forever, so many interviews needed to recount all the occasions of abuse.. each one taking a crazy amount of energy!

Today it seems like a mountain.
Yet like any task it can only be viewed in chunks.. each interview is another chunk achieved!

Ohh it scares me, I don't trust the police, I feel like what I have to say will be swept under the rug.. but I continue because it's the best I can do.
Come forward and tell the truth; it's their job to do something about it!

It's a really hard time to have had to flee my home city, live in a hostel and be 100's of miles from any of my friends and family!
Im not actually sure How I'm coping right now? But I am!

#CPTSD #PTSD #ritulisticabuse #Survivor #coping #BipolarDepression #MightyU #takingyourpowerback #MeToo #Stress #tired #SexualAbuse #Torture #Stillhere #MentalHealthHero #MightyTogether

I'm in the middle of a fibro flare up, I normally have a good handle on my fatigue via diet.
I've been comfort eating as a way to deal with my childhood flashbacks of abuse and torture.. well the cake has caught up with my fibromyalgia lol

Today is a wobbly day, I feel myself start to dissociate a bit as the flashbacks loom over the forefront of my mind.
It's like all the traumas want to 'speak' at once today, years of torture and horrific sexual abuse playback Infront of my vision. I use grounding techniques, yet still find myself overwelmed by memories.

I know some of the agony I feel in my body today, is pain memories from childhood replaying on the brains synapses. I saw an Amazing piece of research that showed fibromyalgia sufferers have signals from old trauma pain that becomes trapped on the line between the synapse that tells the brain there is pain somewhere.. so I know the feeling I woke up like I've taken a beating, is most likely my brain and body replaying being beaten within an itch if my life as a small child, but that doesn't mean it hurts any less.

I try always to fight forward with positivity.. today is just a wobbly day.

most likely triggered by the fact I thought I was going to get funding for trauma therapy and now it looks likely funding will only cover a few sessions, only enough to open wonds and not to heal them.
So again I'm alone through the process of reporting the years of ritualistic abuse I lived through as a small child, I have to report the murder scenes I saw, the bodies I saw buried or chopped up.. I have to do it without support again, but I will!
I will stand up and tell the truth of what I was put through, of what I was made to look at. I will do Everything in my power to stop them hurting people and walking around free!
Even on my wobbly day my mind is set to that!! I won't give up!
#PTSD #CPTSD #fibroflare #Flashbacks #Trauma #Childhoodtrauma #coping #tired #Survivor #MeToo #ritulisticabuse #Depression #alone

Taking My Power Back! (Is soo tiring)

A wobbly day

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