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I’m Still Here

Lately I’ve been sluggish, and it’s more than just recovering from Covid. May is a heavy month, full of painful anniversaries. It’s also a month of release, when my workload decreases and I can relax somewhat. It’s the start of a time for reflection, re-evaluation, reenenergizing, and renewal of hope. Sometimes I wake up and the fact that I’m still here is overwhelming. It’s my duty to myself and everyone around me to turn that around. I’m still here, and the question I need to ask myself every morning is, “What good will I do with this day?”

#HumanTrafficking #Torture #Abuse #FearOfAbandonment #Shame #PTSD #CPTSD #Anxiety #Depression #Survivor #Fibromyalgia #HypothyroidismUnderactiveThyroidDisease

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#Fibromyalgia #fibroflare #nosleep #brutal #Pain #ChronicPain

I'm screaming right now ~ my face is all twisted &screwed up & I can't feel any joy today. Darn it. I try be positive, but I feel like I might be slipping...... #nojoy #Upset #sufferingbadly #cantbearit #AGONY #Torture #Fibromyalgia The 24/7 chronic all over my body pain is so extreme right now I want & need an out.😔

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Taking My Power Back! (Is soo tiring)

So I started the hardest process of my life..
I gave my first video statement about the horrific ritualistic, sexual, physical and psychological abuse I lived through from 0-8.

It will take a series of interviews to tell the whole story.. 8-9 separate interviews maybe more!
It's taxing in a way I can't explain.
There is NO other situation that someone would speak to that way about your trauma.

Also the terms I have to use are soo uncomfortable. Having to name exactly what body part touched what.
You can't just say "then he raped me" you have to explain to them exactly what rape means!

I know through this process I'm taking back my power and hopefully stopping the abuse and murder of children.

But at this moment it seems like its going to take forever, so many interviews needed to recount all the occasions of abuse.. each one taking a crazy amount of energy!

Today it seems like a mountain.
Yet like any task it can only be viewed in chunks.. each interview is another chunk achieved!

Ohh it scares me, I don't trust the police, I feel like what I have to say will be swept under the rug.. but I continue because it's the best I can do.
Come forward and tell the truth; it's their job to do something about it!

It's a really hard time to have had to flee my home city, live in a hostel and be 100's of miles from any of my friends and family!
Im not actually sure How I'm coping right now? But I am!

#CPTSD #PTSD #ritulisticabuse #Survivor #coping #BipolarDepression #MightyU #takingyourpowerback #MeToo #Stress #tired #SexualAbuse #Torture #Stillhere #MentalHealthHero #MightyTogether


Slowly Killing Myself

for some reason, my classmates at school started talking about suicide. they weren’t talking like they were depressed themselves, but maybe more curious? I don’t know. One person mentioned that at least it would be quick and easy so you barely feel a thing. I silently disagreed with him. It is long torture. where you are slowly killing yourselve. all the way from the start. The first pain is internal. little voices saying “your ugly” or “your rude” or something as little as “us two” in cases where their are really three, but then go to a roaring rampage of voices, each ringing in your ear taking an imaginary (but all to real) stab at your inside. “your not worth it”, “your weird”, “your nothing”, “your alone”, “no one likes you”, “no one cares”, “no one loves you”, “no one wants to touch you”, “why would someone want to here you?” and so many jeering voices that torture you to the breaking point. Then comes physically pain. It is like you want to silence those voices in side, or ease that guilt. maybe.. just maybe, by stabbing your arms all the guilt will just oose out. Then.... Then you realize that those reminders stayed, and they just must be connected to life. then, Life is hated like life was a bully... and life is. what better way to ignore this torture than to just cut your connection with it? so, you take one final cut..... the jab that turns off the lights. #Depression #Selfharm #Torture #helpme