SchoolTrauma

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I'm so mad. The vent I made didn't get uploaded. I've spent so much time writing it, I can't believe
it didn't upload. It pains me to have to write all of this again.

Firstly, I was sad about another vent post
because it didn't get any reactions. So I deleted
it. It's funny how I say to myself that I don't care
if I don't get any reactions, yet get said when it
actually doesn't get any. I'm sorry for feeling this
way.

Now onto school trauma. I'm 20 and I don't think
that I'll ever finish high school. Not even through
online. I dropped out junior year. They don't
even give a crap about mental health, anyway.
Plus, I'm non-binary, not a girl or boy, and not
many schools, let alone online schools, even have gender neutral options or are even truly that inclusive towards everyone. It's annoying!

I've cried way too many times. I've gotten
suicidal way too many times as well. Especially in
high school. Everytime the teacher gotten upset
with the class or whenever I've gotten unfair
demerits, I wanted out. Those "zero excuses", "watch your character", and those picture comparisons boards of "be sad and dwell on it or
be happy and do something about it" felt mocking to me and felt like I was in prison. There
was absolutely nothing I could do about it except taking off days, not to mention that I was only allowed to take up to 22 to not FAIL. Not to
mention that trying to get the best grades and
being recognized was a trap fallen by myself as
well.

I've gotten a 3-hour detention once for forgetting my gym shows. Gym Shoes! And
everytime I didn't finish my homework (because
of being depressed and having no motivation to
do anything from school), it was 45 minutes
after school just to finish homework, and a 45
minute bus drive home. And yes, I was suicidal
those times, too.

I was on the 504 program this whole time (I have
autism and anxiety), and I received two unfair
demerits for being late returning back to class
because SOME FOLKS used my stuff without my
fucking permission and I was trying to find them.
My "counselor" said to me "you know it's rude to
not talk when someone's talking to you?" I was
already crying in one of the bathroom stalls. I
have fucking social anxiety and autism!! She
knew that!!! Don't. Ever. Force. Me. To. Talk!

Gym class was the absolute worst. So bad that I
was allowed to no longer go there. So bad that I
brokedown when I heard that I had to go down
there for studying for a PE test. Then
I was taken off for the rest of the day and the
next day. However... that one substitute teacher
that the school even had the fucking audacity to
hire again was the worst. He was power-hungry
and everytime one of us doesn't follow a rule or
gets upset with him, he makes all of us do
exercises or would add minutes to an excercise.
You had no idea how much that made me boil.

Not to mention that because I failed one of the
three tests in PE (running a whole mile) in
freshmen year, I had to go to a horrid bootcamp
for 5 days. Fours days with that same horrible
substitute teacher that 1, and I'm pretty sure
every other student there, absolutely despised. He even threatened us to go through some
exercises for not knowing some answers to
movie questions!! Who does that?!?!

My parents were not happy about anything my
high school had to offer, either, especially the
bootcamp. And I got a freaking A in PE but I
guess the tests were more important 😑. Middle
school was shit, too, though pretty less strict. It
was mainly the classmates acting up and the
teacher raising their voice for me. And some
bullies.

I really want to warn everyone about these
schools. I do not recommend these schools at all,
especially if you're neurodivergent. These
schools caused me so much stress and trauma
that I don't even want to finish it. Not even online. And I'm 20 now. I was literally crying
earlier writing this because of the pain that it
has caused me over the years.

#HighSchool #School #Anxiety #Autism #SocialAnxiety #generalizedanxiety #Trauma #SchoolTrauma #anger #sad #SchoolPleaseListenToThis #MentalHealth #venting #Vent

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What a great way to start the freaking morning. Remembering the very strict high school that I absolutely hate and the reason why I dropped out - trauma and stupidity.

I remember being in P.E. and… we’ll just call her Ms. A. I was on the 504 program (because I have autism), and Ms. A said something to everyone in the class about knee push-ups and to not do them because “you’re not disabled”.

Um, excuse me? Knee push-ups are not exclusive to physically disabled folk. Knee push-ups are an actual excercise that help with strength. Also, not every physically disabled folk can do a push-up or even knee push-ups. I’m not that stupid. Not to mention that some neurodivergent folk may also have trouble doing full push-ups, especially because of sensory issues. And some overweight individuals, such as I, may also find knee push-ups helpful, too. So knee push-ups help. It’s an actual fucking exercise. She thought she was helping, but seriously??

And even though I hate my autism being labeled as a disorder or disability, I guess it didn’t apply to me because of that 504 program. But still. That was such a ridiculously stupid comment to make and one of the reasons I hated that school. Why was Ms. A even qualified to be a P.E. teacher?? She should’ve known that already! I do really, really wish to say what exact high school it is right now, but I won’t.

#Autism #neurodivergent #Disability #Ableism #Trauma #HighSchool #SchoolTrauma #uneducated #why #School