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    Sorry I’ve been mia for awhile but I’m still here!!… at home… in my sweatpants…. 😝

    I hope everyone is doing okay. I know how rough the holidays can be. Just know I’m thinking of you all and lifting you up in spirit!! ❤️


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    Ok all my music junkies, I need some suggestions!

    What are some positive songs about moving on in my life? Closing this chapter and onto the next. Songs about healing and growth, moving forward and never looking back?

    Thanks in advance for any responses!


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    Imposter Syndrome

    Most days I feel like I am an imposter in the chronic illness space. My bloods/xrays are not that ba, but bad enough to show somethings wrong. But then why the pain, fatique, brain fog, blackouts, nerve pain, stiffness. If I'm not that bad, why do I feel miserable? The thought that this can get worse is overbearing! I look normal, I'm generally a helpful, talkative, able human being. So I feel like an imposter. I feel like I am not sick enough and don't belong. I have to fight to get heard by my docters, my friends and family don't understand. I'm tired of explaining. I now know that I don't absorb medications, THIS SUCKS! All I want is to be pain free, have energy, sparkle and enjoy my life. I'm in limbo as I can do neither whole heartedly. I am not deathly ill, neither am I capable to have a normal everyday life without the constant reminder this is hard, this is painful, this is exhausting. So yes, I feel like an imposter.

    Don't get me wrong, I am so incredibly greatful for the things I can do and that I am not gravely ill. I am so incredibly thankful that I am not as bad off as a lot of people on this platform. All I want is for my current symptoms to be treated so I can continue with a normal life.

    So yes I have imposter syndrome and I don't know how to overcome that! Not healthy enough to belong, not ill enough either!

    #ImposterSyndrome #PsoriaticArthritis #Spondyloarthritis #nervepain #ChronicDepression #PTSD #CPTSD #generalizedanxiety #InappropriateSinusTachycardia #AutonomicDysfunction #atrialfibrillation #costochondritus #discbulges #JointHypermobilitySyndrome

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    How long was your longest depressive episode?

    10 months. 10 months of absolutely NO motivation to do anything, even shower. 10 months of not feeling ANY happiness, joy or pleasure. 10 months of NOT leaving the house. 10 months of constant persistent anxiety with NO relief. 10 months of dreading every minute of everyday except for sleep. 10 months of therapy that proves to be of no help. 10 months of taking and trying new meds, enduring horrible side effects all for them not to help. 10 months of fantasying my death because this is just too much to bare. 10 months of loneliness and a non existent support team. 10 months of holding on and just wishing, praying, hoping this will all end and I can feel human again. 10 months of the constant war in my mind. 10 months since I smiled. 10 months since I was a normal mother. 10 months since I’ve lived and not just survived.

    Someone please tell me this will end soon. That I will recover and won’t forever be broken. I’ve not spoken to a single soul who has had it this bad for this long. I feel like I’m the only one and that I’m stuck like this forever…
    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #generalizedanxiety #CPTSD #10Months #losinghope #DepressiveEpisode

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    Being lazy and being severely depressed are two completely different things

    #MajorDepressiveDisorder #generalizedanxiety #CPTSD


    Heart #Anxiety #generalizedanxiety #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder

    If we’re lucky, we get an average of 2.5 billion heartbeats in our lifetime. Most of the time, my heart beats normally. One lub-dub after another, somewhere between sixty to one hundred beats per minute.

    But occasionally, seemingly out of nowhere, the count raises. One hundred. One hundred and five. One twenty. One forty. It’s usually preempted by the tingly-burning feeling in the chest of an adrenaline rush. And it’s loud. My body is tense. My mind races. It would make sense if my life was in actual danger - being chased by a bear or tiger or something - but it happens when I’m sitting and doing nothing. Or when I’m driving. Or when I’m safe. Even when I’m taking a shit. And when it does, it feels like I’m just wasting heartbeats.

    When I was told that I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder it felt good to be able to put a name to the thing I dealt with daily and for a long time after, I just coped. I often told people I was fine when I was not. I avoided. I deflected. I projected. Fun fact: the more I’m in an internal battle, the funnier I get. But eventually, coping doesn’t work. Managing it works fine when I have the time and space to do so but falls apart when I have obligations to tend to. The worst timing is when I’m at work.

    However, there is no timing. There is no calendar. It just happens. And it gets even more intense when I actually have things going on in life that warrants these stress responses.

    I’m exhausted of coping. I’m tired of managing. I need rest. Lots and lots of rest.

    If you made it this far, I appreciate you. 🖤

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    Started a Group for #therapists who have #MentalHealthIssues

    Hi everyone! Thank you for accepting me.

    I am a licensed #counselor in New York State.

    I have been in #Therapy since I was 16. I’ll be 41 this year.

    As a #mentalhealthprofessional , I have found that one way to #endstigma is to be more #authentic and #Vulnerable .

    What does that mean? Well… therapists needs therapists, too! #Burnout is real. I know I especially do a horrible job with #selfcare . The last two years have been especially hard on almost everyone, and the need for more funding for MH in our country is not where we want it to be. :(

    I have #generalizedanxiety and #MajorDepressiveDisorder . I had horrible #postpartum anxiety and depression for a year after my son was born.

    I invite anyone in the helping professions to join our group. Let’s support one another and lift each other up. Thank you. :)
    #socialwork #Counseling #Psychiatrist #psychologist #Nurse #Therapist #endstigma #Support

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    My diagnosis - part 2

    I am also diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, which is really an attachment injury. My therapist says I can grow out of this with time and healing, and I believe I am already getting there. I have seen a lot of changes and growth with my attachment issues and mood swings. I have come a very long way, but there is still healing to do.

    I am diagnosed with generalized and social anxiety disorders. At one point it was so bad, I had full blown agoraphobia. I couldn’t leave the house. I couldn’t look out the windows. My husband at the time had to come home from work to let my landlord in once, because I couldn’t answer the door. This was 15 years ago, when I was 21. I can now work and make it to my appointments and run my kids around. I still struggle immensely to get myself to do these things, though. Some days are way worse than others, and it can take me literal months to be able to make a phone call (which causes a lot of problems)

    I am diagnosed with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD is also misunderstood a lot. Most of my OCD tendencies revolve around numbers and things being properly aligned and even. There are other things as well, but when people ask what ocd things I do, I have trouble answering because, before my diagnosis, I didn’t realize any of these things were abnormal.

    I hope I didn’t forget any.

    The point of this all is to let people know what this blog entails. These are the things I am working on throughout my healing journey. The main focus in therapy lately is the c-PTSD and the DID, though they work with my anorexia a lot, too, as it’s still in the baby steps of recovery and the relapse happens hard and fast, and can be deadly.

    #MentalHealth #MentalIllness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #generalizedanxiety #SocialAnxiety #Agoraphobia #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #OCD #Healing #Recovery


    Do you really understand ?

    #generalizedanxiety #mdd

    Hi, I’m Derek and I struggle with GAD and MDD. I have constant thoughts of Suicidal Ideation and I’m scared all the time. I feel like I’m the only person that constantly is scared and depressed as I don’t know anybody that has GAD as bad as I do. I also have a tendency to cry pretty frequently which is hard for me especially at work.