Housebound for couple days ):
#Anxiety #SocialAnxietyDisorder
Fallen off the bike {of life} [again] due to injury this time & not being able to train at the gym; tried to return now that i’m physically better but it’s my head that’s now the problem (!) can’t face the small talk regarding my absence + also lost inner confidence through my fitness going out of the window [hero2zero! lol] felt so uncomfortable trying to ‘blag’ & ‘wing it’ on my return, just felt awful & have stopped training after 1+ week, i just couldn’t handle it & it’s now made me fall out of love with my ‘happy place’ which was also my ‘sticking-plaster’ in life that helped me to function day2day ): Also now dreading speaking with any of my neighbours (all who are all lovely people) & also avoiding my local shops ~ drove miles earlier to avoid possible contact with anybody that i may know, after 2 days of a self imposed lockdown {& having ran out of food supplies!} just parked-up at home, suffering; sitting in the dark of an evening pretending i’m not inn if anybody were to knock (!) i feel pathetic. Struggle with eye contact too, much more than i usually do, even with the cashier at shops. It’s making me feel broken ): i’m OK & at my best; on a phone (!) but in reality when sitting side-by-side somebody (passenger seat/drivers seat) communicating in a car, i hate sitting directly opposite anybody, especially at a meal table, that’s my worst scenario. Such a shame as i like people in general but at the moment just can’t ‘socially’ cope.
Just ‘putting it out there’ for anybody else who may feel similar; you are not the only1!
Struggled my whole life but since stopping the gym it’s become overwhelming again ): & is causing me to overthink with ‘negativity’ & has brought-on feelings of depression; inadequacy loss of confidence etc, although i would say i’m usually an upbeat, positive; supportive kind of person with average confidence. My mental illness is horrible when it hits. Alcohol helps whilst actually consuming it; i feel great & ‘normal’ but i know that’s not the long {nor short term} answer! Hoping for a change of weather soon, so to speak. Wishing the very best to everybody (: