x An Introduction Pt 2.. x Come's With A T.W.#Intro
x I GOT MARRIED AT 18 IN 2003..AT 19 IN 2004 GOT PREGNANT AND HAD MY SON LEO..IT WAS WONDERFUL TO BECOME A MOTHER FOR THREE SHORT MONTH'S..MY EX-HUSBAND AT THE TIME WAS GOING TO SHCOOL TO BECOME A NURSE. I WAS ALONE TAKING CARE OF OUR SON. AND FED AND CHANGED HIM FOR BED..I PUT HIM IN HIS CRIB..AND HE FELL ALSLEEP . ONE HOUR LATER HE NEVER WOKE UP AGAIN..HE HAD DIED FROM SUDDEN INFANT DEATH SYNDROME ( SIDS ) I PICK HIM UP CALLED 911 DID CPR..NOTHING HE WAS GONE..I HELD HIM IN MY ARMS..IT WAS THE WORST NIGHT OF MY LIFE. HE WAS SUPER HEALTHY..AND THE YEAR'S THAT FOLLOWED. MORE DEATH I LOSSED MY MOTHER IN 2009 AND A FEW MONTH'S LATER MY BROTHER DIED OF A HEART ATTACK..I LOST MY FATHER TO CANCER AT THE AGE OF 6 YEAR'S OLD... SO YEAH I HAVE BEEN THROUGH SO MUCH NOT TO MENTION LOSING EVERYTHING IN A FLOOD FROM A PIP BRUST..IN 2004.
How do you all cope with severe anxiety ? What medication do you use. How do you go about your daily lives.
Im 25 years old. I have a almost 5 year old boy and a forever 2 month old daughter. I lost my daughter due to SIDS (Sudden infant death syndrome) back in June. I never suffered from anxiety until that day. Since then it has been getting worse and worse. I have tried all different medications. I’m depressed also. I don’t know how to go about my daily life. I try to be such a good mother to my son and I don’t want to miss out on doing things with him bc of my anxiety and depression. Any advice what to take and different routines to help me go on a somewhat normal life ?:/
After the fun-filled celebration of having to scroll further down age-selection forms on the internet yet again, I felt rather bemused at how fast life was whizzing through highs, lows and the “despite this/that…” moments.
So, after hearing standard questions like “How’s the facial pain going?” as well as “Willeke, why do you never smile at the camera?!”, I wanted to give as much information in one short sentence as possible. Being low on energy automatically makes me stop talking about “that” subject because it is just a symptom that few people understand, but many disbelieve.
And of course, “that” subject is MS and its related facial pain.
You could them anguish, period.
In my mind, the story would go like this: “Well, I don’t smi… No, let me start over, physically this face WANTS to smile or perform Mick Jagger-like singing theatrics with my mouth, but my 5th cranial nerve prefers a Swan Lake ballet routine instead. Sarcasm being my middle name, this will require further explanation, but we’ll stick to this for the time being.”
Other medical questions on my birthday aside, I tried leaving out any psychobabble and self-analysis answers because aside from having MS and a few other ailments, I am really just an average chick whose body rattles and shakes like everyone’s at my age, especially after just adding another 365 days to my life.
To be fair to my facial features, the combined answer to why I don’t smile all that much or why I don’t always burst out laughing is easy: facial pain. Utter, utter, agonising, stabbing, piercing, burning pain in my ear, eye and temple. Naturally, since laughing is a primal response, you just don’t have that much control over it even when you think you do.
When someone or something quite gallantly activates my laugh-switch, so, my face responds with a burst of uncontrolled laughter, forgetting that my 5th cranial nerve has a #Disability all of its own. In English – and without exaggeration – thirty seconds of www.sharecare.com/health/neuralgia/what-triggers-trigeminal-... sets off hours of facial pain. Consequently, out of necessity and when possible, I smile and giggle on the outside and howl of #Grief on the inside.
All that aside now, because of my daily #ChronicPain(s) and a mutual interest in all things concerning the mind, one of my friends asked me if I were given a choice, would I choose to be physically or mentally ill. Not really a question for birthday celebrations, but an interesting catch-22 either way.
In a fair, disease-free world, I want neither, that much is obvious. If I had to choose between the two, it would be awkward as I have little to no experience with being mentally ill. On the other hand, I have gathered so much knowledge about being physically ill in all its varieties, so I felt I could answer the question easily enough.
Or so I thought.
Physical health speaks for itself, as all of us have some level of fitness, wellbeing, illness or disability Mental illness is mostly caused by genetics, environmental, biological or psychological factors and involves cognitive thinking and the processing of information Emotional health is about being able to express one’s thought processes, behaviour and feelings in relation to other people’s description. It is harder to deduce as it depends on age and probable stressors like #Depression
I have always maintained that describing one’s disease and pain is quite relative. What A sees as horrendous pain might be just peanuts to Z. For example, a friend told me later that day that he had the hangover of all hangovers, and that his wrist felt awful because of computer-induced repetitive strain injury. When I think of my own very painful RSI while working in a library many years ago, it would now register low as neuralgia has overtaken RSI on a pain level scoresheet.
As such, both of us feel abnormal under our pain, but as the adage goes, you cannot compare apples to oranges. Whereas someone with the mother of all hangovers will not have to end their career because of a night out (unless they found themselves in a car crash or other serious accident), I had to finish my career because of never-ending fatigue and merciless trigeminal pains.
It’s also quite clear that comparing or even choosing one illness over another is impossible, and in fact, something nobody should ever have to contemplate (I put it down to the company I keep sometimes, bless their souls). Trying to find out if being mentally ill is worse than having a physical illness is a job not done.
Either way, I tried working out what I knew about mental/emotional health opposed to physical health by mulling over the depression I had two years ago, and the MS that has been here for at least 15 years.
I know MS inside out, therefore I refuse to let it get the upper hand as I go against its very appetite for neurodegeneration as best as I can. If MS had a face, I would refuse to show how it impacts me. If it had a body, I would whack its knees from under it.
(Sorry mum, I know you raised me to be a “Make love, not war” type of person, but in this case, I feel I’m justified in whacking MS)
Not as the neurologists know it, but as I, the carrier of the lesions know it.
At first, MS was unkind. Bitter. Humiliating. Careless. Unfair.
But, I’m cool with that, now.
I learned to live with it, around it, over it, aside from it, in it and in just about any other way you can live with a neurodegenerative illness. Despite it being here 24/7, I continue to find beauty in life. What MS and I have going is a long-term relationship, because no cure means needing lots of hope and patience. As the eternal optimist, I have both in high quantities.
But, you simply have to learn how to live with it. Somehow I found a way to tap goodness from those negative connotations because I listened to its actual narrative by refusing to make a mountain out of a molehill (for more on self-pity, check this post irelandms.com/2016/08/12/man-up).
So, even when facial pain is also called “the #Suicide disease”, even when MS fatigue can knock me senseless in less than five minutes, and even when I feel awful inside despite not looking sick, I am just cool with the whole lot because there simply is no other way.
The depression that came and went used a similar rhetoric. I felt it was humiliating. It felt unfair, and it was similarly careless in the way it progressed. The biggest difference between MS and depression? depression left with one tablet a day for a few months. It might return, but then again, it might just stay away forever. My MS is currently on a regimen of approximately 28 pills a day, about 10,000 tablets a year. As long as there is no cure, it will be here until my very last day on this planet.
Obviously, I cannot speak for those with enduring mental illnesses, for those in treatment and just as eager to be cured as others with physical illness are. I base my knowledge on what I learned during my counselling course and what I went through with depression.
Despite feeling weak during my depression, I was still able to leave the house on my own two feet. It didn’t stop me from entering buildings; it didn’t force my body to stop breathing voluntarily or feel wretched pain. Despite the apparent lack of motivation, I met friends and tried to socialise, I did my grocery shopping and cleaned the house. depression asked for a chemical re-balance in my brain and depression left my body without significant medical or surgical intervention.
Because of the physical harshness on the body, MS degenerates and eats away at the neurological makeup in the brain, spinal cord or optic nerves. Because of this, it robs people of being able to go out on their own two feet. It makes them sit in a dark room because their eyes hurt. It won’t allow people in wheelchairs to enter buildings anyone else can access without any hassle.
MS aside, #Cancer can return and eventually claim a life.
Motor Neuron Disease (ALS) can rob someone’s last breath.
Any illness, mentally or physically, is a cowardly act. We all agonise over it in our own way, and we all try to get healthy as quickly as possible in our distinct way. I leave my brain to the experts and know that they are at the top of their game and that they will do anything to help me live as best as I possibly can.
So, when someone says “How can you be so optimistic and happy all the time despite the illness you’re living with?” I look at a picture of my late brother who passed away age 36, and I realise that I am living the best as I can.
That, and this realisation: we only have one life and no matter what kind of illness you have, just try to enjoy it as much as you can.
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