supportsystem

I think of a support system a bit like a tea party. Everyone's gathered around the table of friendship. The goal is to share in merriment; food, drinks, and pleasant conversation. But, every so often, someone spills the tea. If you're surrounded by a good support system, everyone pitches in by grabbing napkins and moving things out of the way. Together, they clean up the mess the best they can so that merriment can continue. If you're surrounded by a bad support system, they shout at you for spilling the tea and ruining the food or they laugh at you for getting it on your clothes and make fun of you while you clean up the mess entirely alone.

I lost a lot of friends when I went through my nervous breakdown and you know what... My circle is smaller, but I love it even more now. I feel so much more connected with the few I chose to confide in.

Talk to your friends, people, and about deep and meaningful things. I spent too much time on the surface level, thinking it was inappropriate or burdensome to talk about most things even though I never minded hearing it from others. 🖤

#MentalHealth #TeaParty #supportsystem

Change the language. End the stigma around bipolar.

Something about buying one of the cars I always dreamed of owning, but having to go through a support system is when each one just flat out asks “are you manic?” It begins to chip away my autonomy. I begin to second guess myself, I begin to doubt that I am capable of living on my own and make grown-up decisions on my own.

So I sat at the dealer for 6 hours, calling my support system and hearing them say “are you manic?” “you really are crazy.”

But the thing is- I have admired the WRX for many years, I knew I could get into the same year car as my current with 10k less miles and I could do it while lowering my monthly payment, and finance it on my own without a co-signer.

It was no longer enjoyable-because now I had to explain my adult choices to the jury.

And I am automatically guilty because I am Bipolar with no autonomy of my own. My choices are not my own.

Change the language. End the stigma around bipolar.

In the end, I got the car. I trusted my instinct to lower my payments, get out from a co-sign, and hear that turbo whistle.

I agree bipolar should have support. But change the language. Know yourself. Trust your instinct.
#wrx #Bipolar1 #Bipolar #supportsystem

It took me a long time to adjust to my body after my medications added on some weight. I never liked my image growing up, a normal thing to deal with, though made worse by back handed compliments and forward insults about what I looked like from my family and bullies. I cared a bit less after having kids, as my priorities changed from myself to family needs, but I was always close to 130lbs in all those years.

I got on a multitude of prescriptions and my high activity level decreased as my health declined, and my weight plateaued at about 200lbs. My clothes didn't fit right anymore, any toning was gone, and my diet made no difference. This was also the time I was "put" back on the dating market.

With poor health, kids, and being on the heavier size, I didn't see myself as anything useful or valuable. But my new/current SO has spent the past years helping to fix that, and I have settled into being mostly comfortable in my skin...until now.

My medications were altered, my exercise has been cautiously upped, and my diet heavily restricted all due to my health taking a plunge off the deep end. My weight going down with it.

It's wrecking havoc on my mental state in terms of my self-image and, honestly, my pain levels. The more it drops, the more my pain has flared. It isn't a health weight loss, it adds weakness, dizziness and nausea more than usual to my days. I just adjusted to my size, now I'm changing shape again and don't recognize it in the mirror correctly. I'm so hungry.

Yet I've gotten more comments on my appearance than I have in years.
"Are you losing weight? You look great!"
"Look at you! Someone needs to go out on a date!"
"This is good for your health, you're going to feel better!"

And every time I well up with tears. I am not trying to look this way. I may lose more food from my diet if not entirely soon. I'm missing out on family dinners and feel like I'm being teased when everyone in the car can order food but I have to take a pill and drink my water and endure the smells. I don't feel good, I hurt and want my food back. I don't feel like me.

Once so far, at someone I knew, and she knew I was in declining health, I snapped back, "Thanks, it's called not eating!" And yet her reply was to smile, nod, and say she should try some of that then. Already upset, and with family with an anorexic past, it made me angry.

Stop complimenting my smaller size. I know it's meant in kindness, but the way I am losing it is not healthy, and it's left me in a mess trying to recognize my changing body.

#WeightLoss #Unhealthy #bodydismorphia #Depression #DietChange #confused #stressed #supportsystem #ChronicIllness #gastrointestinal #Vent