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Today is# national suicide awareness & prevention day.
We can all pray that somehow, somewhere a life is saved today. Love you all who have #survived this #tragic loss of a loved one.
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My Baker Act Experience
My #Bakeract experience began about 3 weeks ago. I had visited my dad at the hospital as he was recovering from surgery. We shared a few cold-words after a triggering conversation started. Being #triggered had made me want to get up and walk. I told him I would be back, and left the room. Down the hall I walked and at the end of the nurses station... It began. #PanicAttack ! I was having a hard time catching myself and slowing it down.
I was rolled to the E.R where the nurses asked me if I wanted to harm myself or another. I had yelled about my Dad's situation that was fresh on my mind.. "I just want it all to end!" Boom. Baker Acted. Removed my wired bra, pants, shoes, put on rubber bottomed socks, and a fabric gown. I was confused. I didn't want to kill myself. But that's what they interpreted it as because it was my answer.
Upon transfer to the Lifestream Behavioral Hospital in Leesburg FL, it was awful. I had dirty living conditions. No schedule for therapy. No time of when I would meet with a doctor. Horrible food, and surrounded by people who legitimately tried to kill themselves and others who were meth addicts. One patient tried to kill a staff member. Someone threw juice at a chair, and the day rooms were filthy. They also did not give me my medicine and I was having severe withdrawals. I got sick.
I called my husband and told him I felt like I was in prison. No sunlight for 4 days. Bad food. Scared for my life the whole time about the warning the nurse gave me about other patients ("If anyone attacks you or touches you inappropriately, report them right away.") After 4 days of hell, I was released. It took me a week or two to recover. I had lost 5lbs.
I saved many details... Such as not being able to get snacks so I could avoid the staff that was making fun of patients... And more.. but I will save you the time.
I never want to be baker acted again. If I was not stablized and really genuinely did not want to hurt myself, then there is no way I would have #survived there.
#BipolarDisorder
#AnxietyDisorder
#PanicAttack
#MentalHealth
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Today, we have #survived ALL we have been through thus far 🔥
Today, as I was contemplating the way my life has a way of surprising me (in not the best sort of ways) ... I realized I have SURVIVED IT ALL SO FAR.
ALL. OF. IT.
The hurts. Betrayals. Scars. A childhood that is full of pain. And, the people who INFLICT the pain.
I survived.
I made it.
My INNER FIRE burns brighter than all of their turmoil, disgust, anguish, and meanness ever could.
So, yeah.
Today. We ALL survived. 🔥🔥🔥 #Childhood #Adulthood #Anxiety #Depression #AbuseSurvivors #PTSD
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#Survivor #Surviving #survived
So far you’ve survived 100% of your worst days! We’re making it, people! Day by day! #Survivor #Surviving #survived #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #ChronicMigraines #Polyneuropathy #ChronicPain #Insomnia #Survivor #Surviving #survived #Anxiety #Depression #Fibromyalgia #ChronicMigraines #Polyneuropathy #ChronicPain #Insomnia
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The ‘what happened’
I recently attemptwd suicide, i was fortunate that while I was writting my suicide letter that a flash of eMpathY flickered through my head . I called for help in that second, i could Not uNdo the pills i Had seallowed but it prevented me from swalling more. As people visited the house to check in i found myself getting frustrated wth the same question over and over from all the people that Knew me and loved me the most...what happened today to cause this...’ my answer- nothjng in particular. It was alot of little things piled on top of an incompetant psychiatrist, severe depression and recovering fron serotonin syndrome i realized in that moment that there arE very few peoPle who actually ‘get it’. Although my team robin Tried, they waNted concrete actions theY could take to help me ‘feel better’, they didnt understand that there was nothing anyone could do at that moment. The more profound thing i Realized and questioned was not ‘what happened to cause the attempt, but what hapoened in that brief time it took me to call my Neighbour for help’ after that call i stil kept taking pills, but what the heck happened? For those 20 seconds that allowed me to see out of the black box of death And call. Was it a powerful maternal instinct to protect my children , the grace of God, or a brief synapse in my brain that Just happened to fire at the right time. So i guess im leFt asking not why I attempted to kill myself but Why not, what saved me? Im starting to feel glad that whatever it was happened but its a real headscratcher.
#SuicideLoss #survived
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