ThemeParkEmployee

#Cats are among the best snuggle buddies besides my #Dogs . I love my furbabies. They have gotten me through some really tough times. Tonight when I sat at the table, my cat came back up to me, just like he did in this earlier photo, just to spend time with me. He will meow at me with this sort of purr sound, and slowly bat his paw at me. I can hug him and he lets me. I really needed the hug.

It has been a difficult week for me. Particularly Saturday, when I had a #PanicAttack and could not seem to catch my breathing. The hyperventilating was something I kept working with as my chest just wanted to keep going fast. It's almost as if it was an involuntary muscles reaction, vs something I was choosing to do. I cried. I could not work. I felt like I have been fighting the attendance points system for so long.

I had refused to accept #defeat or #failure from causing me to be held back. I keep trying and keep thinking about what it is that I want to do. My disorder won't let me forget that it is there... Lurking in the shadows for when my body is hormonally sensitive then it makes it's attack. I hate it.

While I await intermittent FMLA qualifications to be met, I am left curious and hoping that I reach the required federal hours worked soon. I am going to continue to try to do my best in a very awkward way.

Please pray for me that I do not fall victim to the attendance points system and lose my job over the disorder I cannot control from never happening or experiencing symptoms or flare ups. I refuse to give up. I close to stay gold sndbi-hh

#AnxietyDisorder
#PanicDisorder
#BipolarDisorder
#ThemeParkEmployee

It is a Universal truth that I have been battling depressive episodes and bipolar episodes my whole life. It is even more rough when it comes to work. I was on medical leave for over a year, and did not know just what would occur upon returning to work. Lately I have noticed shifts in my emotions each month. With all the excitement of Halloween Horror Nights and everything wonderful about Universal, you would think I would pick up on that energy instead.

Sometime I have been dealing with emotional sickness in ways that I never thought I could handle. However, I would be lying if I said I had no set backs. I have had many and they have been VERY costly and damaging to my job life. You see, upon leaving universal January 2020, I left with 4 points. I gained a few back and wild have been at 6 attendance points, but with recent incidents I am down to 3. On days where I am sick, I come home and sleep because I have no energy to face reality.

I am sick from the disorder and on top of that, full of fear/anxiety wondering when or if that hammer at work will drop. I am very afraid. Their points system for attendance does no favors for people like me who do not yet qualify for intermittent FMLA. It is disturbing that I could lose my job, all because of my biological/neurological diseases.

Recently I found out that I have PMDD for sure. This is difficult. I just can't figure out when this stress about the points system will ever end. This is not my fault and I should not be penalized for panic disorder or manic depressive episodes. I cannot prevent them from occuring. I can only sense it's about to happen. Sometimes it occurs too late though. But, the fact of the matter is that when I need time off... I do not get it without paying an attendance point in which I am dangerously low on. I don't know how I could help a company wide system and make things right.

But tonight? I am fighting insomnia, anxiety, sickness in my stomach, butterfly feeling anxiety. I do not know what to do. I was doing so well. Good therapy. New medicine added to help with PMDD. Great progress... Until.. it happens. It never goes away.

What would you do?

#ThemeParkEmployee
#LivingWithPMDD
#BipolarDisorder
#AnxietyDisorder
#PanicAttack
#workstruggles