The Universal Truth
It is a Universal truth that I have been battling depressive episodes and bipolar episodes my whole life. It is even more rough when it comes to work. I was on medical leave for over a year, and did not know just what would occur upon returning to work. Lately I have noticed shifts in my emotions each month. With all the excitement of Halloween Horror Nights and everything wonderful about Universal, you would think I would pick up on that energy instead.
Sometime I have been dealing with emotional sickness in ways that I never thought I could handle. However, I would be lying if I said I had no set backs. I have had many and they have been VERY costly and damaging to my job life. You see, upon leaving universal January 2020, I left with 4 points. I gained a few back and wild have been at 6 attendance points, but with recent incidents I am down to 3. On days where I am sick, I come home and sleep because I have no energy to face reality.
I am sick from the disorder and on top of that, full of fear/anxiety wondering when or if that hammer at work will drop. I am very afraid. Their points system for attendance does no favors for people like me who do not yet qualify for intermittent FMLA. It is disturbing that I could lose my job, all because of my biological/neurological diseases.
Recently I found out that I have PMDD for sure. This is difficult. I just can't figure out when this stress about the points system will ever end. This is not my fault and I should not be penalized for panic disorder or manic depressive episodes. I cannot prevent them from occuring. I can only sense it's about to happen. Sometimes it occurs too late though. But, the fact of the matter is that when I need time off... I do not get it without paying an attendance point in which I am dangerously low on. I don't know how I could help a company wide system and make things right.
But tonight? I am fighting insomnia, anxiety, sickness in my stomach, butterfly feeling anxiety. I do not know what to do. I was doing so well. Good therapy. New medicine added to help with PMDD. Great progress... Until.. it happens. It never goes away.
What would you do?