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So very lonely and sad

I woke up this morning feeling so alone. Covid isolation has made things worse, of course. Moving to an area I don't know that is very different has been very hard but I could no longer afford to live in the areas I knew. Rents are outrageous here. My 19 year old son has many illnesses physical and mental health. I am currently his PCA but the job is really 24/7 and has been for a long time. I live him yet he needs to grow up and have his own life. I gave up my life to take care of him. I apparently shut down, went into survival mode struggled with major depression and PTSD, I stopped taking care of myself. Decades have gone by and I was not present really. In the past few years I have a new therapist who woke me up to reality. It's been hard. I am getting old now and lost myself and decades of my life. I am burnt out as a caregiver. I have no friends, no career, no money, no marriage (another story for another time.)
This group and other mental health practitioners has started to help me shift me in a new direction. But I miss in person people. Most of all, I miss the touch of a friend, a hug, the physical presence of people. Not talking sexual. Just caring human to caring human. I have never felt so you h deprived in my life. Everything is done virtually.
I need people. In person people. I don't know how to make friends anymore. And I live in a very towny area that isn't very accepting or friendly to new people. I know my mental health issues have effected my friendships. Many long term friends severed the friendship because I was so depressed and because I had certain issues and then when my teenager came out as transgender. There is so much hate of difference in this world. I was really appalled and taken a back. I have isolated for a long time. I was really hurt by the rejection. I had known people for 20 years.
I just want to find my tribe. To be where my son and I are not rejected or judged or looked down on.
I want to have people who accept me and my son as we are.
The country I live in is so messed up. I hate it. I'm ashamed to be from this country.
Sorry to go on and on.
Just really down this morning. Been crying longing for someone to talk to.

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When will it end?

I’ve been having a very hard day today. Normally I can keep my loneliness, depression, being touch deprived, anxiety and chronic pain all in check, but today the loneliness is winning.

I’ve taken to bed twice since I’ve gotten up today. Cried to many times to count. When will it end??

I loathe loneliness...I can deal with all the others but this emotion is one that needs to pack it’s bags and go, and go quickly.