I've got a stomach bug and have been sick for 3 days, now my fibromyalgia is flaring Massively and I still have constant stomach cramps..

Feeling physically battered makes it soo much harder to deal with the hurdles I have piling up around me..
I feel swamped mentally and physically!

I was giving statements to the police about horrific ritualistic abuse and torture I was put through as a child, they have put the interviews on hold.. they said due to a new strain of covid but then went on to say it's because the lead investigating officer hasn't sent over the rest of the notes I handed in.... So mostly because they are not doing their job again!!

It's been nearly a year since I first came forward, I have been put on hold so many times..
I've given 2 interviews out of likely 8-9 needed and again they stop me..
It's completely disempowering!

It's so wrong that you can come forward about rings of child abusers and murders yet be treated like it doesn't really matter, told "oh I thought you might like to put it on hold for a year.. 5 years, 10 years.."
They want to sweep me and what happened to countless children under the rug.

I sit here asking myself how do I keep going? Keep putting my life at risk to report these crimes.. when the people who are meant to investigate constantly boy you off or gaslight you?
When the system is just so broken that they get bribed to cover up the bodies left in the wake of the rich..
How then am I meant to keep faith in what I'm doing?
All my energy is been plowed into this! reporting it and trying my hardest to take down an indoctrinized paedofilile ring.. alone.

There is No specialist help for people in my situation, I can't even find a uk charity that deals with this level of abuse or has support for my kind of Survivors..
It's a lonely pit of emptiness and people like me are just meant to stand alone??

All I know is trusting the system is more dangerous than poking a sleeping crocodile up the nose!

But I won't give up, I won't be deterred.
I won't let the process effect my mental health.
This experience is supposed to be empowering.. the way the police are dealing with it makes it feel the exact opposite!

It's like being stripped again of all power! any hiding and safe guarding I have put in place over the last 23 years to keep myself hidden from those people feels pulled away from me..
They questioned my bio father 6 months ago now, he has had more than half a year to hide his thorphies and build up a defence of lies.
While I'm still waiting to be interviewed I have to live with the fact they are still free to hurt children..
This feeling of being powerless to stop it is driving me mad today!!

#CPTSD #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Survivor #struggling #fibroflare #Fibromyaliga #fuckitall #stillfighting #CheckInWithMe #alone #wheretoturn #PTSD #MeToo #ChildhoodAbuse #Childhoodtrauma