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Inside the Anxious Mind of Someone Who Doesn't Receive a Text Back

It all starts with those two blue ticks…

I seem to possess the unique gift of knowing just when to check my phone for those two blue ticks… because they always seem to appear seconds after I check to see if my message has been sent and received…

Received. Read…

Sadly for me, I definitely don’t possess the unique gift of being able to put the phone away after reading those two words. Somehow I find myself staring at the screen for minutes, until the typing…” word appears and I receive a message back.

Did I send a horrible text?

Does this person not like me anymore?

Am I being too needy?

Somehow the basic answers (like: they are just too busy to immediately respond) never seem to reach my mind. No, no, no. My mind is occupied with anxious thoughts that make me question everything I’ve ever sent them, the last time I spoke to them face-to-face and every word in my most recent text message.

Argh. Why didn’t I use an extra emoji? They are gonna think I mean it in a completely different way now…

During this inner-monologue, I’m still staring at my phone. Wondering why I didn’t think this text through some more (which might be the most irrational thought of all.. because I overthink everything, definitely texts!). Wondering why I don’t just delete the conversation. Wondering why I make such a big deal at all.

You see, I know I didn’t send an awful text. I know I did nothing wrong. And I know they’ll respond as soon as they can.

One day, maybe, I’ll be able to text without hesitation and doubts. Until then I’ll have to allow myself some time to blankly stare at those two blue ticks… I’ll distract myself with chocolate and (bad) reality shows, and if any of my friends, family might ever read this: please… please. Don’t leave me hanging too long!

Image via Thinkstock.