Haven’t felt this way in a long period of time.
Desire.
Desire to improve and move forward in a direction
One I haven’t had prior
Desire to care and learn
After I’ve thought I’ve learned everything I could learn.
Desire to feel
All those feelings I snuffed out like a smoked up cigarette butt.
Living triumphantly until it’s bitter end.
Those feelings, those feelings, those.
Feelings. Become twisted and knotted up in my stomach and brain; because there’s too many to pick apart and assign.
Resistance of urges and thinking patterns I routinely follow so rigidly they begin to tighten a grip around everything I say and do.
They are not smothering me currently. They’ve loosened up that death grip because of you.
Unsure what to process that under it quickly falls under “null”, “overwhelming”, “confusing”.
Even good things can be those.
Good things are those
When you become used to deprivation of them.
Laughter fills corners and spaces of rooms that it hasn’t been. Sneaks into crevices you don’t see – you can feel if you run your hand across the surface.
I check, and continue to recheck the feelings like it’s keeping track of timing for something. Feelings don’t work like a clock, or a continuous string of reliability and consistency.
Not anymore. Not anymore.
They don’t want to be confined.
Not anymore. #Autism #Affection #feelings
#MightyPoets
Depression is not always black n white, it can be colourful too....
Depression... a term, a word which when used, normally people have a reaction like Hey!!everyone has depression, you are not alone. Some even don't hesitate to say for what you are depressed you have an easy life... no burden of earning, no stress of future, just sitting at home... yes it can be true to some extent.... ... but Is this the reality?? NO, not at all......
I'm depressed, I'm anxious... ... so much that I really really afraid of waking up in the morning,constant fear in mind don't know when will the low feeling hit me hit me so hard that... that I feel like ending myself want to pause everything, everything means everything like my chaotic mind, feeling, emotions... - just want to numb my brain no it won't send any feeling any emotions. this low feeling is like I'm drowning drowning deep deep in a dark tunnel, a tunnel which is so dark, so scary , so very scary no light even at the end of tunnel.... feeling like suffocation oh so much suffocation... ... can't bear it, feel like heart is sinking, sinking so deep... but it doesn't stop it keeps on beating, beating is dull, very slow but it beats. Wish it stops just STOP. Everything will come to end, this pain, this feeling of being hopeless, useless, worthless Trust me this is the worst thing of life~ Can I end it??NO....why??Am i coward?NO....then what's stopping me.....this feeling engulfs me n the biggest question is WHY I AM DEPRESSED, Why I am feeling so low ...... Why just why?? If I think about it I get no answer I mean no answer that can give profound answer to my question. I am Chronic Pain Patient, in constant pain since almost 8-9 years, constant Pain but you don't look sick...... depression, anxiety is also a part of my this sickness if I think this way I am just clinically depressed n this should be treated clinically. But depression aggravates the pain too, and because of pain depression increases so it's a vicious circle, things are overlapping each other and I just not able to figure it out....... I am trying to come out of this I am really trying hard to come out of all this but no success, and it's natural that efforts are being appreciated only if those leads to success otherwise who cares and who has time to appreciate your efforts, encourage you that it's Okay if you're not succeeding atleast you're trying......
I think it will definitely give boost to the sufferer.......pratyaya #Depression #Selfcare #concern #Love #Affection #help
A close friend of mine is a gay man. Our relationship has progressed fast over the past few weeks. Both of us sharing with each other more than we have with others. We both have trust issues but he gets me. he is my best friend. He makes me laugh and cry...I love his heart. Anyway—he stayed the night for the first time he stayed last night with myself and husband. My husband passed out and went inside. We stargazed for awhile and at one point leaned his head on my shoulder with his arm around me. This is the first time he has ever gotten physical. I know something/someone has hurt him in the past and its difficult for him to express. Has he finally let go and let his guard down? Is this a sign that I have finally gave him a “safe space”? I know this is what he needs and he gives it to me but he has trouble finishing whatever he has on his mind. Help please ! Last night was different and today our convos are short. I want to help me friend!!! #Stress stressed #Anxiety #Advice
Just wanted to say that to cope with my condition (#Depression ) I write. In particular, I combine those excerpts with related themes into a manuscript. Yes, I sound academic... I’ve been told I sound academic when I write or talk.
I explore feeling alone, longing for more affection and support...
It gets heavy writing about those topics.
Why is it so hard that when my partner knows I am craving attention and affection but I am also in the middle of a BPD/bipolar mania stage that I have to start fights just to get him to notice me? Does everyone go through this? We have been together 15 years and as I get older I’m getting much worse, my meds are stupidly high and I am still functioning. Just not nicely #toobusytonotice #Myworldandmyenemy #confused