allmentalhealthandmore

I believe in heaven
And I believe in hell.
But life, death, and everything in between
Lies here within the universe amongst our very own eyes.

Heaven is the love we seek
And some of us find
Whether it's seen through the actions of others
Or in our own self-worth...
Maybe it's our passion or our connection with
Mother Nature.

And hell is the hate that we see
The pure hate of which we all speak
Quick to respond with harmful words
The hate lies within us all
And so we're the ones to blame
Trust me, it's not just the snake.

Perhaps there is a little bit of heaven
And a little bit of hell in all of us.
Because we all love
And we all hate.

We speak of this heaven, and we speak of this hell...
But what about earth?
Why don't we speak about the earth of which we live in?
It provides us the air that fills our lungs
It provides us the life of the plants and animals we eat.
It provides us the water that we all drink.

And what about the universe?
What about the stars and the galaxies?

The stars are there for us every night to remind us that there is always some sort of light in the dark. There is always beauty in the darkest of times.

And the galaxies are there and they remind us
that we aren't the only humans in the universe, maybe there are others out there in other galaxies trying to reach out to us.

And maybe the real angels are the ones that seem to be light years away... they reach out to us through the stars
And shine brightly through the sun rays upon the waters in the lake on a hot summer day.

Maybe, perhaps,
The universe isn't so crazy after all.
Maybe it's just like that
Because we feel so small...

Thanks for reading! Stay Mighty:)

#MentalHealth  #MightyPoets  #Depression  #Anxiety  #universe  #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder  #BipolarDisorder  #DissociationDisorders  #allmentalhealthandmore   #MightyTogether

I have had a rough few weeks. Or few months, really... maybe a good day here and there. Most nights I don't really sleep much. I defy the laws of psychology... because apparently, you can't function with 2 hours of sleep. Well, let me just say that I've done it multiple times and consecutively. I'm just tired and unhappy right now. My emotions all hit me at once and I want to leave for a while or maybe forever...

Any ideas on how to go about this would be appreciated. Thanks.

#MentalHealth#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#DissociativeIdentityDisorder#Anxiety#Depression#allmentalhealthandmore

This is something I wish I was told when I feel down, when I start splitting, or when I feel like #Suicide. Please read all of it:)
There is so much more in you than you care to see because in your eyes, the darkest of times seem to last longer than the brightest of days.
Let the stars and the moon guide you; that's what they're there for; to remind you that there is beauty in every little thing. Even in the dark.
My world simply cannot go on without you. You are the sun; bringing life and light as the center of the universe.
You. Are. Here.
Please stay.

Thanks for reading! Stay Mighty!
#MentalHealth#Depression#Anxiety#MajorDepressiveDisorder#GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder#SocialAnxiety#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BipolarDisorder#Selfharm#MightyPoets#allmentalhealthandmore

I remember screaming at the moon through the still night air.

Screaming for you.

Screaming for you to come get me.

Screaming for you to come take me home. 

I screamed at the top of my lungs until a star fell.

That falling star… was it you?

I sat in the grass, rubbing the ground with my little toes on my little feet. 

I listened for your voice, longing to hear it once more. But all I heard were the crickets chirping and singing in harmony.

Was that you, too?

I sat there with my back against the tree, waiting for your soothing embrace. 

I felt a cool breeze gently move right through me, surrounding me slowly.

Was that you? Were you the supporting tree, and the cool summer breeze? 

Tell me, where were you?

Where are you?

I need to know. I need to move forward.

Or do you think maybe,

Just maybe,

You could pass by one more time?

I miss you...

Sometimes in life, we lose sight of things. We can lose sight of where we are going, we lose sight of our goals, and we can lose sight of what has yet to come. Sometimes, we may lose sight of everything that we have earned from working so hard for. You can get tired, and you can get lost, but you can never run out of heart. As an athlete, a student, and an employee, I have learned that having a growth mindset, the type of mindset I previously stated, is extremely important if I ever want to be successful. If I ever want to be the person I want to be, I have to keep sight of what's important, even when I cannot see. Never give up, and never give in, no matter how difficult things may get. Never let anything or anyone rise above you, be unstoppable!
Thanks for reading, Stay Mighty!
#MentalHealth#Depression#Anxiety#MajorDepressiveDisorder#GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder#SocialAnxiety#PTSD#Suicide#Addiction#Selfharm #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder#BipolarDisorder#allmentalhealthandmore

There was a point in my life, maybe a few years ago, when I was devoted to having a relationship with God because I have never had a good relationship with my earthly father. It helped because I truly believed that he was there, I could see Him every day. I saw Him in the good deeds of others, I saw Him in the mountains because they're big and powerful, and the mountains remind me that there is nothing I can't climb, there is no problem too big. I saw His beauty in the sunrises and the sunsets. I imagined Him as an artist that spent His days thinking about me, trying to talk to me, and painting the beautiful sunset. I heard His whisper in the wind and His voice in the waves that crashed along the shore. I saw my Father cry, and heard Him scream in the rain and the thunder. I believed that He had feelings, therefore, He must be real.
I'm not really sure what happened, but somewhere along the line, I pushed Him away. I didn't like what the Christian community had become. They don't understand or try to understand the LGBTQ community or mental illness because they don't think it's real. They blame all the problems in the world on the devil. But the devil was an angel at some point, too. And really, it's nobody's fault. It's just the way of the world. For a while, though, I blamed God. I got mad at Him at I fell into a downward spiral, tried to get rid of Him. But I still see Him in the goodness of others. I still get dragged to church with my family. I still try to talk to Him. I try to make the most of my time at church.
A lot of Christians say that God doesn't give you anything you can't handle. But if that were the case, then people wouldn't need Him. So He gives us more than we can handle, especially when we don't believe or when we lose sight of His love, hoping that we come back to Him. He does that because He knows that we have to make that choice, nobody can do it for us. As crazy as it sounds. That's just what I have learned. Some people choose to believe out of desperation, some out of realization. Or both.
So I guess what I am trying to say is that I believe in God, but I am not a religious guru. I just have a lot of theories about the world and I have a lot of insight. I still get extremely mad at God and say I don't believe in Him. I often think, "What kind of God dishes out illness, destroys families, allows so much negativity? How does He decide who gets what?" But He knows that isn't true. And to my thoughts, well, that's just the way of the world, although sometimes it hurts.
I guess I just don't believe in the Christian community. In my opinion, religion is a choice. It's called faith. And faith is yours, nobody can decide how much or little faith you have. That's up to you. People can influence you to be or not to be something, but the choice is yours in the end.

Thanks for reading! Stay Mighty!

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #Suicide #Religion #allmentalhealthandmore

I wish that I could rest in peace,

I'm so exhausted but I cannot sleep.

I try not to think about the pain I can't feel

but my thoughts are raging...

Uncaged and free.

"Please don't do that ever again."

I wish I could help you comprehend

that these blades of mine

are nothing compared to the world outside.

But how do I tell them how I feel if I don't even know? 

A past therapist told me 

that maybe I'm confused

or I could be going numb.

I really hate them for that;

maybe because it's true?

I'm shaking like a f***ing earthquake

and that's exactly what's inside.

I'm trying so hard not to scream

and I'm trying to stay calm. 

It's just another crisis, 

so why is it so hard?

I should be used to this feeling…

to not know what it means.

To always question why and put my feelings aside.

They jokingly say they’re gonna kill themselves and laugh as they say

“Do a flip when you jump!”

They do it around me every day.

I swear to God it makes me sick.

But I already am...

so why does it matter?

This terminal illness,

this “phase”

this abnormal feeling I’ve tried to hide;

It’s. All. Real.

What am I to do?

Nothing works anymore

and I’m trying to get help.

But is it even worth it?

I’m taking it one day at a time,

but this isn’t how I want to spend my life.

I wish you would understand 

so you could stop asking me why.

But if there’s one thing you can do,

just one f***ing thing for me…

Don’t call me mad.

Don’t call me a freak.

Don’t call me crazy.

And please, for f***’s sake,

Don’t call me weak.

Just… don’t. 

I recently discovered once again what being numb feels like. The crazy thing about it is that there is no day that you can just flip the switch. Once you go numb, it feels as if you've been numb your whole life. It's like you can no longer remember a time where you felt emotion, like you've always just been this walking robot, this monotone voice, these listening ears… and I realized I was numb when I stopped hearing my true laughter. I stopped doing the things I loved to do. When people would ask me why, I would simply say "Because I don't care." Most people think that's for attention, so then they convince you to keep trying, but no thanks. Not me, not today, maybe not ever. I just don't care. I want to care, I want to feel something, anything. I want to feel hate, guilt, happiness, but I can't. I can't even get myself to cry most days, just to feel something other than this pit of hollowness. I want to save myself, but how can I save an empty shell that's just gone numb?

Most days, the air feels dry. It’s as if it’s disappeared completely. Like each individual air particle suffocates itself and just vanishes into the emptiness of the other particles. The longer the air is empty, the more I can’t breathe. The more I can’t breathe, the less human I feel. 

It’s as if I am surrounded by water that I cannot feel, yet I am drowning at the same time. 

It’s as if I am screaming at the top of my lungs but my lips remain sealed. 

I cannot make any sound, yet my ears constantly feel like they are bleeding from my thoughts. 

How can you feel so much, yet be so numb at the same time? 

The colors have lost their vibrance, everything’s become grey-toned. 

I walk through empty streets filled with empty people and I see empty faces with an empty smile. 

I love with an empty heart and pour life into others from an empty cup. I love empty hearts filled with empty love. But what is love? And what is love today? It seems to have a new meaning every day. I used to believe it was a feeling, now it’s just another word. It’s a word used to convince you things are okay. In fact, it’s overused. It’s an excuse for someone who can’t admit they’re at fault.  So let me ask this. Are caring, loving people really okay? Or are they actually hurting inside, or are they perhaps, numb like me?  

Love is just leverage for those too hurt to leave. I don’t know who I am anymore.

I know that I must be hurting, why else would I be numb?

#MentalHealth #Depression #Anxiety #MajorDepressiveDisorder #GeneralizedAnxietyDisorder #Suicide #Selfharm #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BipolarDisorder #allmentalhealthandmore

In 10 days comes the big day. While others are excited about Christmas, I hold on to everything from every day between now and then. Why? Because that’s the way it’s been for a while now. Because in 10 days, I will have been hospital free for 8 months. Yes, it is a little scary, but I have realized that there are far more reasons to be here than to not be here. Through these (almost) 8 months, I have learned that staying out of the hospital can be difficult for anyone with a severe #MentalHealth condition, or any condition really.

When I think about my days in the hospitals, I think about the people, the friendships I made. I think about the nurses, the doctors, some good and some not as good; but we were all there for the same reason. We were all there for help. I believe that I got what I needed. It just took longer than expected.

I also think about the similarities and the differences. I was one of many patients thought to have had #BipolarDisorder , but I was one of many patients who actually struggled with #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder . I was one of many patients who struggled with #Suicide . I was one of many patients with a long history of #Depression and #Anxiety . I was one of many patients who struggled with #Addiction (not drugs/alcohol). I was one of many patients who had #PostTraumaticStressDisorder . I was one of the few patients who wasn’t allowed to leave the building for multiple days. I was one of the few patients who found ways to use my old habits. After overthinking all of these similarities and differences, I have caught on to the fact that it doesn’t matter. Because that’s what WAS, not what is. 

If you’re still reading this, then you’re either relating to what I am saying, bored, or both. You might be wondering why I am talking about this. 

I believe that by sharing our experiences, we gain many benefits. We learn to open up to other people, we learn to be honest with them (and ourselves), we begin to understand what we have faced in our lives, we begin to understand our purpose, and most importantly, we realize eventually that we are not alone. We are never alone. No matter what we go through. 

I also believe that in order to move forward, we have to talk about our pasts and learn from it. We have to face what happened, we have to face what mistakes we made, learn from them, and move on. We can’t move on and get better if we don’t admit that we all have problems. If we don’t tell the truth. If we don’t try to understand why we feel what we feel. I personally struggle with this still, but we have to learn to cope healthily. 

If we can cope and handle our past, and still make plans for our futures, we will all be just fine. I believe in all of us. Thank you for reading, and hey; Stay Mighty! 

She slowly slipped away from everything

She exercised daily to the point of exhaustion

When she ran from all the fears within.

Athazagoraphobia- She started doing dumb things so people would always remember who she was. Then she got upset when people called her stupid and worse. Or when they didn’t take her seriously.

Autophobia- She started hanging out with all types of people, but she didn’t understand what was happening when strangers/random people started talking to her.

Philophobia- She pushed everyone away when they seemed to be interested in an actual relationship. But then she got upset when nobody wanted to be around or when they “left”.

Pistanthrophobia- She didn’t talk to hardly anyone about important, personal stuff. It was always small talk. 

All of these things, these fears, were fears within her mind. She started giving in to them. Slowly, piece by piece, they tore her apart. They left nothing.