Tired of explaining
Just wanted to rant, thank you for reading and listening.
My husband has been facing emetophobia (fear or vomitting) or fear of being sick for over a year and it has been really challenging. A lot of things have become triggers... from not being able to eat most things because of potentially how it may affect him, not being able to have people visit (he's not able to get vaccinated), not being able to drink water past a certain time because it could trigger panic attack, not being able to cut his hair because he lost so much weight he's too afraid to see himself with short hair, not being able to use certain utensils and pots because they can be contaminated and many more. It's been hard for him to live day-to-day and just managing triggers and anxieties is really tiring and exhausting. He's been working tirelessly with his therapist to get better and it's a lot of work and energy.
What makes it worse is that he shares with his parents (they're in a different country) as much as possible, but nothing seems to register or there's just no empathy to someone in this situation. When you don't share it's also a problem.
Some questions they would ask regularly, weekly: "Why are you tired all the time?", "Why are you feeling worse? You should be getting better it's been a few weeks", "when are you getting a job?", "Why can't you eat xyz?", "Can you eat what your wife is eating now?", "Why can't we fly over and visit? Are you not interested to see us". We repeat again and again the answers. There always seems to be an agenda to calm their own anxieties without thinking what's the impact on the one who's suffering.
They were shocked recently when my husband and I video-called them and we ended up crying because our situation was so difficult. "You seemed fine last time we chat" they would say.
It's also the same with friends. Even when I tell them we had to go through a crisis (him potentially hurting himself), there was barely a reaction. When they saw a picture of him (he was barely recognizable), then something registered and there was some concern as to what happened (even though he already shared).
Sometimes it really feels like people need to see you suffering, crying, in pain, to know that something is wrong. It's such a tiring place to be in. Apparently words are not enough to be heard or seen sometimes.