AterialvenousMalformation

My niece died last Monday night. She had been fighting Leukaemia. One minute she seemed to be okay. The next, on end of life care! And boom! She is dead! It happened so quickly in the end!
I am a coloured pencil artist. When her brother, my nephew died, I drew! I kinda zoned out and was drawing and listening to music. I can’t draw at the moment. I have been diagnosed with bursitis in my right shoulder. I have to rest it or I’ll make it worse!
I want to support my sister, brother in law, my surviving niece, my deceased nieces husband and children! My sisters grandkids! I can’t even support myself!!
I have several disabilities and disorders. They’ve been coming thick and fast since I turned forty! I spend most of my time drawing. I have no friends. They all disappeared when I was diagnosed with bipolar! Fairweathered friends! That’s all they turned out to be in the end! I just feel so alone!
I thought I’d show you some of my artwork. After depressing everyone with my post. I thought I’d put something uplifting on! My niece liked my art. She didn’t say a lot. She was very much like her dad in that respect! 🫶

Trigger Warning!!

I lost all my friends bar one when I became psychotic and manic in 2007 and again in 2008. It was a sudden thing that happened in 2007 and the trauma of it caused the onset of my bipolar and the unblocking of memories from my early childhood. My CPN said I disassociated with it all. Although I had some memories that have always been with me. Although these memories were so weird and unfathomable. Once I had the awful reminders, I finally understood what all the other memories meant!
Last year my last remaining friend took offence to me calling her out for not showing up without any kind of contact to let me know! She had no good reason . Even if she did have a reason she could of just kept me in the loop! I was so surprised she has ‘unfriended’ me, so’s to speak. I can’t even call her. I’m blocked! Perhaps it was just an excuse. That’s what she really wanted! We’ve been friends for over 35 years! I miss her!
On the 29th December 2021 my bf ended our 11+ year relationship. He said he loved me on Christmas Day and then a few days later he dumped me … by text message! We weren’t arguing. Just had a small disagreement. Totally minor. He has said it wasn’t that! We had always got on so well! It still doesn’t make sense!
So now I’m going it alone! Not quite alone as I have my son. He’s also my carer as I have several physical disabilities and disorders.
I do have a lot of online friends from the art groups I’m in. Just would like to meet up with them. I would like a friend in the real world suppose.
This year I’ve had and I’m still having several health scares. First my right forearm has rather large lumps .. going the full length of my forearm on one of the lumps. I also have oral problems and have had to have biopsies and scans done. I’m now being checked for ovarian cancer. To top it off nicely, my right shoulder has become so painful I can’t function. I’m being investigated to see what the problem is. Because my right shoulder is in such a state I’m unable to draw for any period of time. It’s just too painful.
I feel like I’m being robbed of everything that gives me joy. I feel so miserable! #colouredpencilartist #wildlifeartist #Disabled #Bipolar #sexualabusesurviver #depressed #Mania #Psychosis #MentalHealth #GiantCellArteritis #AutoimmuneDisease #Osteoporosis #spondylitis #Fibromyalgia #PTSD #Flashbacks #AterialvenousMalformation
#MentalHealth #physicalhealth

Life’s Like That! #Leukaemia #AterialvenousMalformation #GiantCellArteritis #ChronicPain #Isolation #heartbreak

Life’s Not Nice At Times

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