Bursitis

Hi everybuddy. I'm Nox. I'm a 42 year old disabled transgender guy living with my caregiver/girlfriend in the Detroit Metro area. I was disowned by my entire family and I lost custody of my children 16 years ago cuz I came out of the closet and my daughter's father thought transgender people are pedos. I had no support and yes money and resources don't exist for minorities like me. So I've been living in survival mode for...a very long time. I'm tired. My partner and I just need someone to care and be there to talk or grab coffee and talk about life.
But you need to understand. I'm very ill.
4 years ago I was diagnosed with spinal epidural lipomatosis (SEL). Basically fat is glued around my lumbar spine and crushing my sciatic and other nerves. It's a very rare condition.
But wanna know what's even more rare?
Less than 4 years after the surgery to remove the mass, it's grown back ...worse this time. I need another surgery. I'm trying to play gopher and get records in the hands of my previous neurosurgeon. It's... Difficult. My pain specialist is very hard to get in touch with. So it's a process.
3 months after my previous surgery I had major pain in both hips. I talked to my neurosurgeon and he said he doesn't do hips but he wanted to do something so he ordered an MRI of my hips. Bilateral femoral acetabular impingement, bursitis, osteoarthritis, and spurs in both hips. He was really sad for me. He understood how much pain I experience daily and he couldn't do shiznit to help me. I saw a hip surgeon... Long story short the answer was no because I'm too young. Ok
Fast forward to last year. My vision has been really bad. Double vision and migraines. So my neuroopthalmologist suggested I do some simple eye exercises called pencil push-ups. I was sitting with my wife and I just absentmindedly start doing one and she loses her cool and said omgawd your eyes just went in different directions! So I had her record this phenomenon so I could message my neuroopthalmologist. He responded the next day and says " you have bilateral intermittent exotropia and it's poorly managed. I'm gonna refer to to the strabismus surgeon who deals with kids as well as adults." Ok I felt good about it.
I saw her 3x and tried explaining. She told me I'm too old for corrective surgery. Ok.
I've been told "no" enough times to learn not to be the squeaky wheel. I've gone about 2 months with barely any appointments cuz I am burnt out and losing hope. Unfortunately I can't sustain no appointments cuz the meds that make me functional requires seeing my specialists.
I'm losing hope. I'm exhausted and feel so alone. The only 2 people who I have (family or friends) are my girlfriend and her mom. We don't have a vehicle. So I don't get out to make new connections with humans.
Wanna grab coffee and talk about comic books? I really need someone to care.

Friday we were supposed to attend a witchy event at Canterbury village. I had been looking forward to it for 3 months. Unfortunately I could hardly walk and I couldn't see straight.
Today we were gonna go to the mall for bubble tea and Sbarro's pizza. I just wanted to revisit my teen mallrat years. My right hip is forked.
Tomorrow we were gonna go to Dixieland flea market. I'm not sure how I'll feel tomorrow. I hardly know how I'm gonna feel from hour to hour.
My hip and migraine have been this bad all week. It's been 9 out of 10 almost as soon as I wake up. I just want a day of peace. One day of no pain.
#FemoralAcetabularImpingement #sel #Bursitis #Osteoarthritis #BackPain #bonespurs

OMG my left hip is throbbing again. And my eyes...might as well be grapes at a wine stomping festival. I didn't sleep last night. I've been eating very poorly lately. I've been drinking IQ Joe instead of making myself a pot of coffee. Which is fine, it's strong coffee and it's toasted hazelnut flavor. It's delicious.
I have a big stash of coffee but I just got some special tea from August uncommon. And I want to have a tea party with my darling stupidhead wifey Pauley. I was thinking chicken salad sandwiches and biscotti and cinnamon tea for Pauley and pumpkin caramel rooibos tea for me. It's ridonkulously delicious. I think she might enjoy it.
I hate being home alone. I end up curled up in my bed with my blankie and lux my cow baby.
I am sweating quite a lot and I'm overheating. My psychiatrist thinks the sweating is being caused by my Zoloft so he reduced my dose. I guess my frequency of sweating has decreased. He said he wants to get me off Zoloft completely and increase my imipramine. I used to take 75mg of Zoloft and now I'm down to 50mg.
I'm gonna go lay down and meditate for a while...and other lies I tell myself.
#FemoralAcetabularImpingement #BackPain #Bursitis #Osteoarthritis #RheumatoidArthritis

I haven't had tummy problems this bad in a while. I feel like my tummy is full of gremlins. I keep having sharp stabby pain in the left side of my tummy.
Constipation sucks so much. It hurts like hell. My GI doctor wants me to start eating dark leafy greens and other fiber rich veggies and fruit. I haven't gotten it yet.
So about 5 days ago I got an email saying it was from my bank. They said a suspicious charge was made. I didn't recognize it so I contacted my bank and they disabled the card and were sending me a new card within 7 days. I thought ok great... until the online services I pay for started kicking back for not being able to process. So I'm gonna have lots of late fees. Fun times.
#whenitrains #FemoralAcetabularImpingement
#Bursitis #Osteoarthritis #RheumatoidArthritis
In other news...
My current #coffeeadventure is interesting. I made salted caramel flavored coffee, added white chocolate toffee flavor cappuccino powder, almond milk and a splash of cinnamon roll flavored coffee creamer. I know it's a lot, but you gotta trust me, it's better than 7-Eleven cappuccino. All of the flavors balance out. It's silky smooth and delicious.
My current pain level is 7.5. But my lumbar doesn't hurt at all so I suppose it's not so bad. But the intermittent rolling gut pain sucks.