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What do you say when... #Dating #middleage #Disability #ChronicMigraines #autoinflammatory #Depression #Anxiety

At almost 42, I have the dating experience of the average 23 year old (in the US.) I want to know I've tried, physical disabilities and depression/anxiety struggles or no. So I'm going to, but....

When on disability, and with no job for over 5 years now, what does one say when the inevitable small talk that makes up the getting-to-know-you phase happens? I feel I have nothing to offer except for an extensive list of health issues.

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Controlled chaos

Not my usual medium (I mostly work in epoxy resin, artist books using word collage and blackout poetry and also sometimes acrylic pouring) but I've noticed almost everything I make is controlled chaos in one form or another. I'd not done paper marbelling in years but the process of putting something in motion and attempting somehow to control the random and changing movement of the material was very familiar! I'm not unaware of the parallel with my life! The unpredictable nature of #autoimmune and #autoinflammatory conditions often means little control or rather in my case a desperate (and often unfruitful) attempt to clamp some control down over my body and life when it feels like its going haywire.

#chaos #chaoticcrafting #BehcetsDisease #neurobehcets #Plasmaexchange #MentalHealth

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One Year Later #autoimmune #LymeDisease #mastcell #Anxiety

So, I DID end up "pulling up roots" and moving out to Utah from SC to try to feel better. The dry air, cool breezes, and (mostly) cooler temperatures (at 5500 ft elevation) make a big difference - but I still get sick anytime I get too hot, over-exerted, or in an enclosed & dusty environment. I clean cabins at an RV Park so it still happens at least once a week even in winter, when temperatures are in the 30-40's. I really don't "get it" and neither do ANY doctors I've seen. When I'm sick, I still suffer FATIGUE, Low-grade Fever, Joint Pain, Debilitating Head/Neck Aches (headaches on the TOP of my head, and Neckaches on the sides, under my ears); Left ear ache, stuffy nose, dry cough, diarrhea, stomach pain, burning urine, and mouth blisters.... EVERY TIME! These symptoms last for 1-2 days depending on how overheated I got. All lab tests still inconclusive. Maybe Late Lyme Disease?
Even though I still deal with this, in Utah I'm able to get up & outside, do things, enjoy the outdoors & hike. (All things I hadn't been able to do for 4 years in SC.) I've lost 30lbs & 4 sizes, though. Maybe that's helping. #autoimmune #autoinflammatory #mastcell #LymeDisease #Anxiety #anger #Depression