Hi, my name is KittnKerfuffle. I'm here because I live with a great deal of pain from 2 broken vertebrae. I also suffer from ADHD, which I was diagnosed with 48 years ago but I never did anything about, PTSD, anxiety and depression. I'm ridiculously shy & I could use some understanding.
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Pauley made more almond milk last night so I asked our downstairs neighbor if she wanted some. She got excited and said yes. So I just brought her some a few minutes ago. She loved it! I taught her how to make it herself. She has a blender so all she needs is almonds and cheesecloth. We have more cheesecloth than we need so I'm gonna give her some. We chatted about our chronic pain issues. She's gonna go for a walk this morning before it's supposed to rain. I told her about my hips and back issues and she was shocked. Mostly cuz I'm so young. Or because I look young lol.
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Well I took a tramadol and a Norco about an hour before we went to the art studio open house. I was so hopeful that I could handle it. Unfortunately after about 10 minutes I needed to sit down. The pain spiked to 8 and I couldn't breathe so I sat down and used my rescue inhaler. We decided to go home after we had been there for about 1 hour. We only got to see one art installment. I felt horrible not being able to see more on the other floors but Pauley said I was doing what was right for my physical health. My right hip is sending sharp stabbing pain down my right leg.
I was hungry when we got home. I tried getting a fancy hot dog from the food truck at the art event but they didn't have any hot dogs. So once we were settled in Pauley asked me what I was hungry for. I decided I just wanted a corn tortilla with melted queso quesadilla cheese. I ripped it into pieces and dipped in some avocado ranch sauce. Wow it was delicious!
I got a lot of compliments on my shirt. I wore the one with the newspaper clippings about the JFK assassination.
I need to get a few pairs of board shorts.
My lumbar is awful today. My sciatica is flaring up really bad. My thighs feel like I got kicked. I've taken a Norco and a tramadol but it didn't even take the edge off the pain. Thank goodness today isn't Saturday.
I just made a really weird cup of mud wtr. I was sipping it and I said gosh that's weird tasting coffee and then ding I remember it's not coffee. I did add some vanilla caramel latte powder but it was just for creaminess cuz I'm out of milk.
Pauley insists we have to make our own oat milk but I drink about 5 cups each day and she's been making 3 cups every other day. I told her this wouldn't work.
I'm smack dab in the middle of a nasty hot flash. I'm sweating a ton. This sucks.
#BackPain #FemoralAcetabularImpingement #Arthritis #polyarthritis #coffeemisadventure
She just called me to ask if Pauley and I like corned beef and cabbage with veggies and I got excited and said I love it. She brought me a big plate of food and when Pauley saw it she said she wouldn't eat it cuz it's all together with some sauce or gravy. I am really glad cuz I didn't want to share it with her anyway lol.
My skull is pounding and I don't know why. My BG is fine. My vision has been wonky but it's gonna be wonky until I get glasses. I gotta find a place to get glasses that takes my insurance. Im exhausted. And I'm kinda hungry.
Luckily Pauley is making some turkey tenderloin for dinner tonight. I know she's upset with me for not cooking. I just don't have any spoons to do anything in the kitchen. I wish I felt better but my head is foggy and jumbled. Maybe I'll feel better after I eat dinner.
Dinner smells sooooooo good. Maybe I'll be able to make a side dish. Maybe mashed potatoes or steamed broccoli with some butter sauce. Um... nevermind lol I don't know what I did but my hip pain just spiked to 7. I probably shifted wrong while I was sitting. Stupid body.
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But ringworm infection pain is at 9. I had meant to have pauley put some betamethasone clotrimazole cream on it before she went to the office but she had to rush. I looked in the mirror just to see .. it's 4x bigger than it was a week ago. Parts look like they're bleeding. The fluconazole is not helping. My doctor wants to actually talk to me about how bad it is. Fun times. I'm thinking I should probably see her in person so maybe she can take a sample for testing. This is one of the chronic health problems I struggle with.
For me this has actually been a lifelong lesson. Amazing how 8 words of advice have been so hard for me to put into practice at times. Sadly in my life sometimes its taken for my body (and/or mind) to scream so loud that its been deafening enough for me to pay attention, yet I have found that even this can ebb & flow.
These days I'm pretty proud of how I’ve been taking care of myself. Its been basically 3+ years of very serious physical and mental struggles and I've learned that in the big picture no one else can take care of me and only I can deeply feel it when I don't.So I guess you could say I’ve been falling in love with myself!
*I've been eating much better (lots fruits, veggies & nuts especially...yet I love my milk and chocolate!)
*I’m exercising &/or doing home PT religiously. My spinal injuries have been part of that screaming voice quite a bit although its getting quieter, and as I told my first PT “I’m only going to get out of this what I put into it!” I've been at the gym regularly which is so empowering (plus its a really social place with great staff & members and I find it soooo mentally uplifting when I leave…knowing I'm taking care of myself)
*I actually was counting ounces of water I drank for a long while however now I'm doing great with that and carry bottles everywhere
*My holistic practice dropped off...then I found Box Breathing which I did before bed for awhile and I'm trying to get back to that, however I’ve found just stopping to breath and ground even for short moments throughout the day really makes a difference
*My spiritual practice is earth based and simple and so my church is nature and I pray to Great Spirit…my level of gratitude and reverence are stronger than ever!
*Now sleep...I will have to plead the fifth if I want to make other people happy about when I sleep, when I turns screens off, how much sleep I get etc…my stretch now is getting ENOUGH sleep and I'm exploring what my body can best function off with less meds. I've been very surprised how much less, yet in doing so I have maxxed myself out a lot recently! (its 6:00 am now, the birds are chirping as my music is lower. As a musician and deejay in college I never stopped being nocturnal. When I worked at the beach I always saw sunrises!!!... Then I went to sleep😉
Bottom line…
Life is a beautiful blessing, its a glorious day today, I got to see Mom & family for four days and that was good for my soul….and I'm going to keep smiling
Listen to your favorite music for a bit today
Go outside and wiggle your bare feet in the dirt
Eat a scrumptious piece of fruit or rich chocolate
HUG A FRIEND OR LOVED ONE… or many…all day long!
(or a tree if you get out there and don't want to take your shoes off!
#MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #BipolarDepression #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #ChronicIllness #ChronicPain #Disability #Selfcare #COVID19 #AddictionRecovery #Addiction #Arthritis #Headache #Migraine #Anxiety #Eczema #InsideTheMighty #Trauma #ADHD #Cancer #RareDisease #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BrainInjury #BackPain
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✨️ April edition✨️
Happy Spring!
What are some other ideas you may have?
#DistractMe
#Migraine
#PsoriaticArthritis
#Arthritis
#ChronicFatigue
#MentalHealth
#AnkylosingSpondylitis
#Anxiety
#ChronicPain
#BackPain
#PostTraumaticStressDisorder
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I will say, I’ve spent a lot of time imagining all the ways I could hurt the people that have hurt me. But I’m also fully aware that that is not who I am. I could never throw back pain that was thrown at me. I just can’t . Which is why I fade out of people’s lives if I can. Tonight, I saw an old friend (who I had a crush on) for the first time in years. Some things had happened in the past that had a lot to do with him and I had decided to not make an effort to contact him. For years my unrequited crush had bothered me and I was in some way, looking for closure. I do acknowledge that I was to blame for some of the things that transpired (a therapist had to help me with that). It was surreal . He introduced me to his pregnant wife. She was very sweet and we did hit it off which I thought was a good thing. I did decide to keep my distance throughout the time we were at a mutual friends house. I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t nervous. On the other hand, I don’t really feel anything. I keep going back to the saying,”why her than me”? Well, in this case, I’m glade it was her. I’ve spent my twenties on literally figuring out myself. Reprogramming everything that I’ve learned and lived through. Trying to find out who I really am after all the many different people I’ve been. On top of learning about the people I’ve known, losing some of them, and find others that I could never connect with before. I could never give him what I’ve never had. I have never experienced love in a normal setting nor do I know how to love myself sometimes. With that said, I’m still learning and unlearning. I don’t know if I’ll ever be in a stable relationship, but in a weird and backwards way, it kinda gave me closure. #MentalHealth #Depression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder
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I'm playing the chronic pain bingo game today.
My lumbar on the right side is sending pain straight down my leg all the way to my toes.
I had a horrible nightmare last night about pauley pulling out my right eye. She said we're trying to save money so she'll do it herself. She couldn't figure out how to put it back in and then I bled to death.
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