I just don’t want to live anymore. I have chronic back pain. I had 3 back injections, none of them worked. I just had a bilateral si joint injection 14 days ago and that didn’t work. I live in my bed. My room is full of trash, my house hasn’t been cleaned in over a year. My son who is 19, doesn’t do anything to help me. He is depressed too and won’t see a therapist because he does want to talk about it. I haven’t been out in months, except to go to hospital for the shot.
I have worked for 44 years in total being a paralegal for judges. I retired in December of 2022 and went back to work there part time. In November of 2024, one of the judges I work for called me an idiot because I sent out a letter where the address was wrong, then at the end of the year I was going to another department because he had hired a new secretary. At that point I just retired completely.
I have not been to a therapist in a while, I have never told anyone that I live in bed and I live in filth before. I am ashamed and I keep thinking that it’s going to get better but it never does. My brothers don’t know about my situation at all. I’m ashamed. I tell them that life is good and everything is great. I’m tired, I just don’t what to do. Please help me. I don’t want to live like this anymore. HELP ME PLEASE.