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These memories..#repressedmemory #CPTSD

It’s really hard having these memories. My first impulse is to try to ignore it, squish it down. My second is to study it, to try to remember more and learn more, figure out more of what happened, but then you get lost in it and don’t know if you’re remembering more or if your brain is just trying to make sense and jumping to conclusions. And the adrenaline starts going, and the body sensations and the pain in the pelvis, and the blood is rushing from your face down to your stomach and you start shaking and you’re cold but your blood is on fire and you’re fully in your body but jumping out of your skin. And it all happens so fast you feel like you’re losing your mind and then suddenly your whole body convulses and you’re back in the present and you’re dazed and confused by how so much can happen so fast. And then in an instant your adrenaline lets you down and you start to cry.
#Flashbacks #CPTSD #PTSD #Repressed Memory #bodymemories


Had to go to the gyno yesterday #ChildhoodSexualAbuse #CPTSD #Dissociation #UndiagnosedDissociativeDisorder

I’ve been avoiding it since before Covid. Well I went once for a specific issue, but didn’t let her examine me at all. Only went because I have been having what feels like almost constant #bodymemories for a week or so. Didn’t let her do the whole exam just the check for infections and the top (torso) part of the exam. Yuck. 😶

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Struggling *trigger warning*

I have been working on processing and accepting repressed memories (as well as more recent events) for a year and a half now. I originally started working with a therapist because of a divorce, marriage ended with traumatic events which led to #PTSD . Once I began sharing these events, I was bombarded with many repressed memories regarding severe childhood sexual trauma. This ultimately resulted in beginning to deal with things like #Flashbacks #Dissasociation and #bodymemories . I have been having a very difficult time managing the body memories recently. Majority of the time they are there and either lead to a flashback or full-blown dissociation. Anyone have any techniques (grounding or otherwise) they would recommend? Getting really discouraged 😞

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Make It Stop!!

I'm ready to explode with all the #triggers of the night and a co-worker who will not stop talking. He is narrating his every move and I told him I'm not talking to him any more tonight as he is going to get snapped at, but he just keeps talking. About everything. And to me. He asked how other shifts are going three different times over the last 2 hours. They're going. They're fine. All good. Still asking. My limit for his inability to do the job has been reached. I am simply done with him and his smacking his dinner down was the last straw. A massive wave of flashbacks hit and knocked me to my knees. That was it. No more. I can't. And still, he's talking.

And there is no one to reach out to get support. The only person I would consider is having her own struggles tonight and is stomping all over my #boundaries . I can't be there for her tonight and she is upset. Very upset. Acting out upset. So more #Stress .

And the #Flashbacks , oh the flashbacks, are hitting really hard tonight. And the #bodymemories are out of control. I want to crawl into bed, curl up, and sleep until tomorrow. I'm breaking. I can't keep seeing and feeling it all over and over again.

And still, the talking. He won't stop. He doesn't stop. He never stops.



Living with #PTSD Means Living with Unpredictability

Living with PTSD means knowing that you are living with a mental illness that affects your life in many ways - but not knowing from one day to the next which symptoms are going to flare.

It's tiring to manage and it takes a lot of practice and fluidity during times when all you want is a little bit of fucking control.

#Depression#Anxiety#Insomnia#Flashbacks #bodymemories #anger#Trauma#ChildhoodSexualAbuse #MightyTogether#CheckInWithMe#CPTSD#Healing#reallife

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