Bpdrecovery

It has been a month since I joined The Mighty and nearly a week since I wrote my first post: Fragments of Me: A Personal Story About My Life with Borderline Personality Disorder.

Today I feel the sudden need to check-in. I plan to do this more often so I can mark my progress and record my thoughts. All of this is to ease my mind and to lessen the burden on the people around me. I've been told that I can be overwhelming because of my constant need to overshare and my inability to let things go. It hurts to hear that, but to be fair, I'd rather people be honest than to lie to me, so I'll take it in with a grain of salt.

I'm relieved to have found a community with individuals that are going through something similar or who are willing to learn more about their loved ones suffering with mental health disorders such as mine. However, I'm still struggling to find balance in my everyday life & I've been finding myself extremely insecure and anxious as of lately.

Alot of it has to do with the fact that next week my boyfriend and I are reaching our one year. We have been fighting intensely for the last few months due to my insecurities and distrust for things that happened early on in our relationship. It reached a point where we started questioning if we should continue on because we were making each other miserable. Definitely not an ideal start to our one year especially when we have a trip planned solely dedicated to celebrating that milestone in our relationship.

The question I have is: As a borderline, how do I forgive and let the past be the past?

#TheMighty #CheckInWithMe #Forgiveness #BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Relationships #Healing #Anxiety #Bpdrecovery #MentalHealth

Hi, I'm Megan, I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a little over a year ago. I'm 29 years old. & I just wanted to share what I have learned about myself and my symptoms. I tend to get triggered alot by what people say and I sometimes go into a rage and then become numb, I dissociate alot more lately just because I'm so tired of feeling depressed or angry all the time so I feel numb when I dissociate with the world around me. I have major emotional mood swings and tend to have suicidal thoughts once in a while, lately I have been having skitzoeffective tendencies and I have researched and that is normal for people with personality disorders. Now I'm trying to deal with that. The best thing I do to help me is I have done a bpd workbook by Daniel fox and I have learning coping skills from that b book, a big one for me is take a break from the situation and question all the facts, Journaling and music really help me as well to calm down during mood swing episodes i get from having BPD.
#Bpdrecovery
#PersonalityDisorders

I hope this letter finds you well. How are you?

I don't think I'll ever get to know, but I hope

you are doing fine. It saddens me And to be

honest, not a day has gone by that I haven't

though about you. I still watch our photos

from time to time and it still makes me

smile, and at the same time it makes me cry.

I will never forget you. Even if the memories

hurt, I don't ever want to forget you. You'll

always have a special place in my heart

because you were and will be my 'special'

love. We had something special. You walked

into my life one day and you made me realize

that you were everything that I needed and

wanted. I thought you were the one for me,

and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with

you.

You were my lover and my best friend. I

could always count on you. We had

everything planned out. After we get settled

than our marriage, then married life and all.

But somewhere along the way, we lost track

of it. I tried to bring back the flame, but it

ended up burning everything down.

I'm sorry. I'd be lying if I said I don't miss you.

Because even before we ended, I've been

missing you for much longer than that, I

wanted us to be together 24/7. I miss you

leaning on my shoulder, I miss my'

'comfy-spot'. I miss me lifting you in in terrace, ,I

miss me starring at you in public cause i

didn't have a care in the world. It was just

you and me.I

think that you did give your 100% to tolerate me.#

You loved me in a way no one else did. You

became a part of me. I grew in the love that

you gave me, and I'll forever be thankful.

You are the love of my life. Always will be.

But love doesn't conquer all, and the reality

is, not everyone gets to hold on to the love of

their lives. But this doesn't mean that l'm

giving up on the possibility of us being

together again. If we're meant for each other,

we'll find our way back to each other.

I had to let go trying because you were no

longer happy seeing me. I was continuously

suffocating and hurting you. I didn't really

have a choice. The tears had to end, and I

didn't want to get to the point where we start

hating each other. Although you probably

hate me now, I'm still hoping that someday

you'll learn to forgive me. I'm hoping that

you'll understand why we became to be like

this and you want to give it a go again.

Nevertheless, your significance in my life will

never change. I love you enough that I would

still want you in my life even if I'm no longer

your reason to be happy. I thought you would,

too. Thank you for the memories, the good

and the bad, and I'll forever cherish them till

the day I leave this world. I was lucky to have

met you. After all, not everyone gets to meet

their love of the lives, and I know in my heart

and mind, that you were mine. I'm sorry for

the times I have hurt you and made you cry. I

really am.

Bubbye Rapunzel

#BPD #Bpdrecovery #bpdawareness

Most of us struggle with our mental health but many won’t admit that. Some of us are farther along with our mental health recovery than others. Not a judgment just a realization and a truth.

But what happens to you when you have what you feel is a setback in your mental health recovery?

First of all, you have to realize that this will happen. Things like this are often three steps forward, two steps back. Just because you have a setback does not invalidate all the positive work you have done in the past, nor does it erase it. It just means you have to stop, regroup and get started again.

Setbacks happen to all of us, even me. We’re all human. An important lesson we learn in DBT is that everyone is doing their best and must be treated accordingly. That means you need to treat yourself that way, too. So if you mess up and lash out at someone in a fit of anger, don’t beat up on yourself and think you are a bad person. You’re not. You are a person who has dropped the ball. Bend down, pick it up and get going again.

I had an incident where I dropped my DBT ball. At my next appointment with my therapist I told her that I felt like a DBT failure. She pointed out to me the judgmental language I was using against myself. I had been so upset, I hadn’t even noticed it. This made me pause and think about what it means to have a setback.

We are all products of our past and things happen we get triggered and it’s not always possible to use STOPP the all-important DBT distress tolerance skill. Not being able to utilize that skill will often make things worse but it’s still not the end of the world. Remember you are a work in progress. You are not perfect. You are allowed to mess up from time to time. As long as you don’t let that derail you completely you will be okay.  #BPD   #BPDWarriors   #Bpdrecovery #bpdremisison #bpdnomore