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My soul is broken Daily suicide thoughts.

Every day I live with very heavy thoughts, it’s don’t get any better. Every day I live with a big wish to die or being at the endive to jump out the window. I suffer a lot from chest pain. It’s burning me. It’s heavy. It’s hard to breathe, hard to read out it’s so hard to stand it. This pain killing me. I am so much worried and so much afraid of people. So much afraid from my own self that I won’t be able to hold down my impulse and suicide this life. I can’t get professional help, I got all insurances possible and they refuse me , I went to many countries and places organization and all without result , because I can’t afford treatment or DBT by my self. I feel too much broken to work and being able to process and deal with all life alone . I don’t get any support from family regarding BPD issues. I feel so lost in this life ... # BPD life #BPD #borderlinegirl #fellheavy #ineedhelp #Suicide #suicidal #chestpains


#Anxiety is getting worse

I know like most my #Anxiety & stress is getting worse. haven’t felt well for months. they upped my pain meds for chest & nerve pains till my next appt. I’ve been off work for weeks & was told to stay home until after my next appt since I’m still feeling bad & with the virus going around they don’t want me around others. I thought staying home & resting would help but I’m still not getting good rest. my #Insomnia is still bad. I just want to feel better. #Fibromyalgia #ChronicIllness #IBS #Migraines #chestpains

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#chestpains #fears #Arrhythmia #Anxiety

I suffer with palpitations and arrhythmia and when i get a attack of chest pains it can be quiet disturbing.
I was picking my daughter up from school today when all of a sudden the sharp pains shot through my chest. It took my breath away and i had to get my daughter to sit down with me until they had past.
so many fears go through my head when it happens. what if i die... will my daughter be ok. the fear of leaving my daughter is what gets to me the most.
i have had many sleepless nights full of anxiety worrying about leaving my little girl without a mum.