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Fear of Flying: Is It Helpful or Hurtful to Watch Airplane Videos?

This is a question I receive quite often from people, and it's actually not a simple answer. While sometimes it can provide some comfort to see videos of planes flying, or pilots talking about flying, and it can at times help normalize the experience a bit if the videos are benign enough, I find they can often be more harmful than helpful to people's fear of flying.

Not All Normalizing Experiences Are Created Equal

People sometimes hope they can provide themselves with some form of exposure therapy when watching airplane videos. However, exposure therapy has never been great for fear of flying for a number of reasons (some of those being limited access to exposure, graduated exposure, and repetition that you'd find with CBT). Fear of flying doesn't seem to follow the same rules as other phobias, and it has meant that traditional phobia treatments have never really done a great job with resolving people's flying anxiety. This is why I studied this phobia and came up with a different way of approaching this issue many years ago now that has worked well to help people overcome this issue.

Within this approach, there are four major components that need to be addressed when working to overcome fear of flying and flying anxiety: normalization, underlying causes, emotional regulation, and passenger flying education. I've discussed these components in depth in many articles and interviews in the past (and a book will eventually be on the way). So I won't go into the latter three here.

Understanding Normalization

Creating normalization is a bit more complex than it sounds (and no, it's not the same as what's known as "exposure"). The idea behind a normalization-based approach is that you're trying to make the experience of flying feel indifferent (or even fun and exciting in some instances). Kind of like the indifference you may feel when you get in the car if you drive every day. You likely just don't think about it because you're so used to it.

In order to create normalization, the basic concept is that you have to be taking in (to your mind and body, consciously and unconsciously) more of the routine elements of flying than anything else. If you end up taking in more negative or anxiety inducing flying elements, even unknowingly, it can result in "reverse normalization" and actually set your normalization meter the other direction, leading to increased anxiety instead of calm. This reverse normalization happens when people are taking in more negative than positive, and for every person, how "negative" and "positive" flying elements are experienced depends on their own emotional history and current place. Some people will be impacted by elements that others are fine with.

A Video of a Calm Flight Can Still Be Triggering

It can be tempting to think that a helpful or benign flying video is watching a plane flight where no bad turbulence happens and everything runs smoothly. However, sometimes hearing certain sounds may be more triggering than expected, or seeing various airplane movements, seeing people moving around the plane a certain way, seeing the plane full of people, and more that shows up in videos can actually unexpectedly hit the reverse normalization button. While some might say, "Well, you have to get used to all this before flying, don't you?" There is some truth to this line of thinking. However, if what you're watching becomes unexpectedly too overwhelming or overstimulating for any reason it can actually create anything from panic attacks in response to a significant setback that doesn't easily resolve with repetition. I have had people show up to their sessions clearly impacted after they decided to watch live flight videos that they weren't ready to encounter.

Different Types of Airplane Videos and Reverse Normalization

There are a lot of different types of airplane videos online nowadays, more so than just videos of planes flying that passengers put online. There is also an ever-growing pool of pilot-made videos for the sake of teaching the public about planes and flying, and explaining incidents that come up. And while these maybe are intended to be helpful -- sometimes it is really unclear -- I would venture to say that many more videos lend to reverse normalization, as opposed to normalization. When you're afraid of flying, it is much easier to be stimulated the wrong way than the helpful way. The interaction between the fearful flier's brain and content that highlights things going wrong, or that shines a light on the exceptions to flying, or shows the mistakes (even if things turn out okay, in the end) only leaves most people who fear flying feeling less good about flying and more worried. Even if the pilots are explaining why you shouldn't be nervous, it is the interaction with the anxiety and flying that ratchets up the fear.

The Less Obstacles to the Fear of Flying Brain, The Better

In my approach, stemming from my work as a therapist, I created the normalization exercises I use when working with people specifically to be sure that what you're taking in is most likely to lend to normalization and not the opposite. And this never includes videos. There are times that people have brought videos into our sessions to watch with me so their reactions can be monitored and understood. But I would not specifically point people towards any videos you'd find online for the purposes of normalizing flying. There are too many variables that can work against you. In fact, it is really the opposite. I would normally tell people not to watch videos they find online (including flying news videos). It doesn't mean certain video have never helped people -- I'm sure some people will respond to this article and say how watching videos was helpful for them. But it isn't a reliable approach.

The mind of the fearful flier can be delicate when it comes to anxiety and flying and easily impacted the wrong direction. If you're wanting to overcome the fear, the less obstacles the better. This is why the more flying related content that pops up online these days, the more care is needed around what you're taking in.

It is also the case that if there is something in the underlying causes area that is blocking normalization from being internalized that trying to push too hard on the normalization button can actually increase flying anxiety as well. So if you're watching videos hoping it's going to desensitize you, but something underlying is in the way, it can actually increase the block and you may start to feel more anxious. (This is why overcoming fear of flying has always been complicated. The needs aren't the same from one person to the next and the process needs to adjust for the person, not the other way around).

Overcoming Fear of Flying, and Handling Videos

If you enjoy watching airplane videos, passenger videos, or pilot explanation videos, just keep in mind that while they certainly can be interesting, don't be surprised if you're noticing yourself wanting to fly less as you watch more of them. It doesn't really mean that flying has become notably more dangerous or higher risk (I know this is a hot topic right now), but it more likely means that you're experiencing reverse normalization if you're finding yourself backing away from flying or becoming more uncertain about it. This may be a sign it's time to put the videos aside or scroll past them in your feed for a while.

#fearofflying #Anxiety #Phobia #PanicAttacks #Claustrophobia #flyinganxiety

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Urgent.... Anxiety and panic.....Leaving for Canada Tomorrow—But My Mind Won’t Stop.... #Anxiety #MentalHealth #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

“My whole life, every time I tried to make a decision, my family interfered—and I ended up doing what they wanted. Now, for the first time, I made a decision to move to Canada. I’m not saying I’m an angel—I know I have a tendency to blame others, but honestly, most of what I did was based on their choices.

I finally booked my flight, partly encouraged by my Canadian uncle’s positivity. But now, just 24 hours before departure, he’s emotionally pulled back. The war situation between Pakistan and India is also making things unstable—airspace keeps getting closed and reopened. I’ve never had fear of flying before, but now I feel like I’m developing claustrophobia.

Now I’m left with confusion, fear, and deep anxiety.
I still want to go. But I don’t know how to handle this emotionally.

Has anyone else felt this way before a big life move? Did you go through with it? How did you deal with this kind of fear and doubt?”

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Fear of Flying and Feeling Trapped

There are many different reasons that people fear flying and experience forms of flying anxiety. It isn't a one size fits all phobia, even though the struggle with flying from the outside can often appear somewhat similar. What goes on underneath for each person however is actually quite different for everybody. Many who fear flying are not actually afraid of the plane crashing, for example. Many do trust that the plane will make it to the destination, but it actually becomes very scary to be in a vulnerable environment where they have no sense of control, and not be able to get up and leave when they feel scared.

Feeling trapped when flying can be terrifying. If you're in turbulence, of taking off, or even just cruising mid-flight, it can be the most vulnerable space for some people to be in. If you feel fear and anxiety ramp up when turbulence is happening, you can't do anything to stop the turbulence, and you also can't just leave the plane and come back in twenty minutes. It's a powerless feeling. When you're good at being in control of your environment in your daily life, and in ultimate control of your own body, it can be very difficult to sit in the plane and not be able to control the environment or leave it when you need. You just have to sit in it. In many ways, flying is a space where people have to learn how to hold their vulnerability while staying in it at the same time.

Fear of Being Trapped Happens for Different Reasons

For each person, however, it's different why being trapped causes such distress. For example, some fear being trapped because they're worried they're going to need medical attention and they're not going to have access to what is needed. Others may fear being trapped when flying because their anxiety and panic may become so big that they don't quite know how they'll react. Will they jump up and scream? Will they run up and down the aisle? Others fear being trapped because when they have a lot of people around them they feel enclosed, stuck, and like they can't breathe. And so on.

It's also very hard for many people to be in a space where they feel they may not be able to hide their fear and panic, and it will be noticed by others. The shame can be so great about being noticed that you're struggling, and the idea that you're not able to hold it all together, especially when it feels like you should be able to hold everything together. Every minute having to try to sit on the emotions can feel like an intense pressure and losing battle. Especially if you've grown up feeling there's never been much room for your emotional needs to be attended to, it may feel like you're supposed to hide the emotions, or hold it all together when you're feeling scared. This pressure in a plane, when the vulnerability can be the most intense, feels so overwhelming for people that every minute is filled with anxiety and dread, just wanting to get off the plane again so you can breathe again. There are other reasons that being trapped can be such an unnerving feeling when flying, but these are just some of the reasons that show up most often.

Trapped Within Your Own Skin

In many ways, a fear of being trapped when flying isn't necessarily just about being trapped within the airplane, it can often actually be a fear of being trapped within oneself, and all of the emotions that may feel they're going to become bigger than your body can hold. It's really hard to feel such big emotions and feel like there's nowhere left within you to put them all. This is where anxiety in flying can become more of a panicked feeling. Like there's no space left to breathe and you're becoming trapped.

Basically, it doesn't just feel unsafe inside the plane, it may feel unsafe even within your own skin.

Sitting With Yourself Differently, and Overcoming Fear of Flying

While it's important to learn how to sit in an environment where you don't have control (over the plane, or the people, etc.), there actually is still room to create control within yourself and your own body. But it's not always in the way people are used to creating control in themselves. People often create control by controlling the outside space. It is common to not know how to be with or handle emotions and discomforts on the inside, when the outside is out of your control. Alongside normalization and other elements of the personalized fear of flying therapy approach I created many years ago, part of overcoming fear of flying and being trapped is learning how to listen to yourself, understand yourself, and sit with yourself in a way that can help you feel more safe and calm, even if the environment is uncertain.

#fearofflying #Phobia #phobias #Anxiety #PanicAttacks #PanicDisorder #Claustrophobia

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My MRI experience: reasons I'm proud of myself

I had an MRI study done this week on my head and neck. I have symptoms of Multiple Sclerosis, and so this imaging study will confirm or deny the presence of lesions, or areas of scarring resulting from demyelination in the brain or spinal column. As anxious as I am to receive those results, I'm proud of myself for getting through the study, because...

I'm autistic and am extremely sensitive to sound! While I don't have claustrophobia, the experience of being "trapped" in such a loud, uncomfortable environment was causing me terrible anxiety. But knowing that my participation in the study was necessary to diagnose and treat another problem, I found a way to cope with the overstimulation in the short-term. I used a combination of deep breathing, mantras, and distraction. When the pattern of the magnetic coil was slow enough, I even tried to think of songs that fit the beat, and I imagined the radio frequency as a steady bass note.

Strangely enough, there were some positive aspects to the experience that helped me to bear it. For one, my head was held in place with lots of padding, and I've always found pressure on my ears to be comforting. (This additional padding also helped to deaden the noise somewhat.) For another, I was given a couple of blankets, and the pressure of the blankets felt like a firm hug.

An hour passed much more quickly than I would have expected. Soon enough, the study was over... So I drove home, popped in my Loop Quiet earplugs (seriously a Godsend), and slept like a rock.

I just can't believe that I managed this. As a child, I struggled to tolerate any loud noises whatsoever; I was scared witless by high-powered hand dryers and intercom announcements. I'm proud of myself that I'm strong enough to endure what I must (e.g., necessary medical procedures)—and that I know to accommodate myself when and where I can.

#AutismSpectrumDisorder #MultipleSclerosis

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The American Prison System's Contribution to the Mental Health Crisis

The American prison system, with its large incarcerated population and punitive approach, stands as a stark contrast to many other developed nations. One of its most glaring shortcomings is its contribution to the mental health crisis, particularly by denying adequate treatment to those who need it most. This issue becomes even more pronounced when juxtaposed with prison systems in other developed nations like Norway and Japan, for example, which prioritize rehabilitation over punishment.

The American Prison System: A Breeding Ground for Mental Health Issues
The U.S. has the highest incarceration rate in the world, with over 2 million individuals behind bars. A significant portion of these inmates enter the system with pre-existing mental health conditions. However, rather than receiving the necessary treatment and care, they often find themselves in environments that exacerbate their mental health issues.

Overcrowding is a pervasive problem in American prisons. Many facilities are filled beyond their intended capacity, leading to stressful and unhealthy living conditions. This overcrowding can intensify feelings of claustrophobia, anxiety, and hopelessness among inmates.

Solitary confinement, a punitive measure frequently employed in the U.S., can have devastating psychological effects. Extended periods in isolation can lead to a range of mental health issues, from anxiety and depression to hallucinations and severe emotional distress.

Moreover, the lack of proper medical care in many American prisons is alarming. Mental health services are often understaffed, underfunded, or entirely absent. This systemic neglect means that countless inmates, many of whom desperately need psychiatric care, are left untreated.

Violence, both physical and sexual, is another grim reality of the American prison landscape. Exposure to such violence, whether as a victim or a witness, can lead to trauma, PTSD, and a host of other psychological issues.

Rehabilitation vs. Punishment: Insights from Norway and Japan
In stark contrast to the American system, countries like Norway and Japan have prison systems that emphasize rehabilitation and the reduction of repeat offenses. Norway’s prison system operates on the principle of restorative justice. Rather than focusing solely on punishment, the Norwegian approach seeks to repair the harm caused by crime. Inmates in Norway live in conditions that closely resemble life outside prison walls. They have access to educational programs, vocational training, and therapy sessions. This emphasis on rehabilitation and reintegration has led Norway to boast one of the lowest recidivism rates globally. Japan, on the other hand, maintains a strict prison system. However, it balances this strictness with a significant emphasis on discipline and rehabilitation. Inmates in Japanese prisons undergo rigorous training programs, which include vocational training, to prepare them for a productive life post-incarceration. Additionally, mental health care is provided, with a focus on understanding and addressing the root causes of criminal behavior.

The Way Forward for America
The disparities between the American prison system and those of countries like Norway and Japan underscore the urgent need for reform in the U.S. By emphasizing punishment at the expense of rehabilitation, the American system not only fails to address the root causes of criminal behavior but also compounds the nation’s mental health crisis. To forge a path forward, the U.S. must invest heavily in mental health services within the prison system. Every inmate should have access to quality mental health care, tailored to their individual needs. The widespread use of solitary confinement, especially for those with pre-existing mental health conditions, must be re-evaluated and limited. Rehabilitation programs, focusing on education, vocational training, and therapy, should be the cornerstone of the prison experience, preparing inmates for successful reintegration into society. Lastly, a shift in the judicial paradigm is necessary, moving from purely punitive measures to approaches rooted in restorative justice.

In conclusion, the American prison system’s current approach to mental health is both inhumane and ineffective. By drawing inspiration from countries that prioritize rehabilitation and mental well-being, the U.S. can create a prison system that truly serves its citizens and addresses the root causes of crime.

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Dear classmate

To say my life is vastly different from anyone I know is the biggest understatement in the history of understatement. All those I graduated with have almost reached 30 years of life.

I feel the divide of our similarities widen now more than ever. It gets more and more devastating to me each few months especially as new health problems seem to come at least twice a month.

Every single doctor I have come across here in S.C. has never heard of my Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome. I have taught 50+ doctors and 150+ nurses about this diagnoses. And that isn’t even my biggest or worst health problem, though it will be with me forever.

Because of that I feel some relief knowing I will never be able to pass these horrible hereditary genes to any poor unsuspecting mini me. And then the hurt explodes that I will never be able to have a future mini me.

I adore each picture of a baby that all of those I grew up with post. So many little ones that look just as their parents did at their age. A smile I can’t help but have as a new addition to the population appears in the world, and memories of their likeness in my class many years ago plays through my mind.

It is so amazing and heartening to see each and every one of you grow as people as you become parents. You THRIVE.

My heart aches deep and low knowing I can never commiserate on going through pregnancy, maternity photos, new parent long nights and each new year birthday and school photos. It feels as though my heart has been ripped out knowing I will never get to introduce my parents to a grandbaby from me or make my brother and sister aunt and uncle to a child I brought into the world.
Jokes and laughter do their best to convince me it is all okay and that the divide between me and everyone else in the world is no big deal when my writing and words can create a large sturdy bridge so everyone can understand my side of things.

But those quiet moments alone with just you and your child, I won’t get those. Each day you wake up, get to shower, make breakfast, go to work, make memories out in the world, I don’t get that.

My life is 99% spent in my room in bed sleeping with excruciating pain waking me just so I can take my many medications-60 pills a day-try to choke down at least a teeny bit of food so my nausea can be lessened by a sliver, and then go right back to bed. I miss out on LIVING. I have gone way past my limit of painful existence just to try desperately every thing possible to improve my health. But doctors cost me so much more than I have ever gained in my full 28 years. Those who waste my living time by refusing to help me, refusing to do anything to decrease the pain that so haunts and tortures me millisecond by millisecond. Years go by wasted being spent with doctors I pray will help me just once but they scoff, being not one bit bothered by my discomfort and ocean of tears.

This is the healthcare the world has been building. And I, for one, have never wanted so badly to LIVE when I am being told to not exist.

I don’t get to go to work and do what passion I love most of all. I don’t get to go to a home I own in a car I love at the end of the day. I don’t get to spend time with friends or family not because I don’t want to but because my body won’t let me. The freedom of choice in my life is almost nothing. Claustrophobia in a tiny room I exist in is not an existence anyone would choose. I don’t even get to go to more school as my health is so negatively unpredictable. With home health care at last I don’t have to expend everything in me just to try to get dressed for the day and making my hair presentable.

Each of those medications is so necessary and yet each side effect possible and those doctors say aren’t, torment me even as they half help me. Beggars can’t be choosers.

I want so badly to be content as I savor scraps of joy every few months. But as time passes, so does any tiny dream I ever let slip out of my eyes and drip down my face.

All of us with bad health or no health want nothing more than to pretend everything is okay and that we have the same happiness and freedom that is suppose to be a God-given right to each child that comes into this world.

But at least to a small part of me, infertility is not the worst thing for a chronically ill chronically in pain girl with a chronically failing body.

Please, savor each moment you have to live, go to work, be with your kids and spouse, make memories or take vacations to places far away.

Because once your health starts to fade, it is near impossible to get back.

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Flight anxiety #Anxiety #PanicDisorder #Claustrophobia #MentalHealth

Hi all,

I’ve posted about this before and gotten great support. I have a flight coming up on Tuesday (and the eventual return a week after). I have such a phobia of flying that I’m slowly trying to work on and have gotten great tips here before. I’m hoping for any tips, support, love and encouragement as I try to do the hard things.

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Public transit anxiety

My #Claustrophobia (stemming from #OCD ) has made the train into the city very challenging for work.. someone stood too close to me today and I broke out into a cold sweat and just got off at the next stop even tho it wasn’t mine. Today, there was a bomb threat on the train line I usually take. I have to take the same train to work tomorrow and I am fully #fixating on the risk, I can’t relax, my pulse is racing, how am I going to get through the train ride to work.. can’t work from home.. I don’t want to let this fear win and set into a permanent fear… I can’t stop thinking about it and I’m getting to the point of being terrified… please help, it feels like my mind is in a tornado and I am reminding myself to breathe deeply but not hyperventilate

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Do not understand.#CPTSD ,#avm #artheals

I have been told, by a case worker, with our insurance provider,a diagnosis I was unaware of.This isn't the first time.I was told by the neurosurgeonsRN called me to tell me size and severity of my AVM prior to knowing I had one.I was told I had claustrophobia after having a seperate surgeon ask for general anesthesia for me.That is still in my chart.I am exhausted of not knowing the truth.my husband doubts anything unless he gears it himself.He won't speak about it without it turning into an argument.An argument over the multiple diagnosis.I can remember when he'd say..I thought it was so n so.Last visit you said it was this.Now your saying this.Ive been actually advocating for myself.Told tonight that I go on and on and on.I had only spoke for less than 5 minutes.no screaming or calling names.Calm.Shocked at his lack of reaction.His accusing look and tone.T hat things are sarcastically implied.Jabs and stares that are defensive and too much for me.I need to express myself.It is not my problem if the person Im talking to cant handle their emotions.Im not keeping mine in anymore.When Im pushed.I react.Why am I wrong for pushing back?When I was asking for reassurance, all you did was fight.

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How to Break Panic Attacks

Part 1 of 2 The room was spinning. There were hundreds of people. Intelligent, impactful people. As I stood on the platform in front of the crowd, everything went blurry, out of focus, as though I was being sucked into a vortex. Blood rushed to my head and I couldn’t think. I couldn’t speak… something had to come out, but language evaded me. I leaned into the microphone. I tried to conjure up a string of words that would make sense, anything, just to release me from this state of panic. I desperately wanted to escape, as though it were a night terror that I was helplessly trying to snap myself out of; only I knew waking up wasn’t an escape, I was already awake, I could feel everything too vividly. There was no way of getting out, I was stuck in the mess.

This was one of many #PanicAttacks I personally experienced over several years. I’m not sure when they first crept into my life. I’ve always been a bit shy around people I don’t know, but I’d done plenty of public speaking over the years, which I could handle fine. But, the day when I stepped up to the microphone to accept a business award, I was riddled with stress – it was a hideous experience. #Anxiety simply had gotten the better of me.

I had been thinking about that awards night all day. It was a constant tug of war in my mind, wanting to win our business category, but dreading the idea of an acceptance speech on stage. Looking back, it’s easy to see the stress I had all around me – some of it I can stem back to key events, like when my 4-week old son went into emergency heart surgery, and the PTSD that followed. And for whatever reason, I can also be just a bit of an anxious person – I like to be perfect, but never meet that lofty standard. That night, in that season of my life, the two of those things well and truly collided and formed a lethal combination, breeding panic attacks that were becoming more regular by the day. #Claustrophobia of the mind. You freeze. You’re stuck. You can’t go backward, you can’t go forwards. There’s nothing you can do about it… at least, that’s what I believed at the time – that I was simply at the mercy of this malicious mind which showed up as it pleased. It was becoming more regular, and it was a lonely place. Most of all, it was a scary proposition living with the thought of future panic attacks – you begin panicking about panicking – how stupid is that! So you go to what comes naturally and avoid situations prone to giving rise to panic, perpetuating further anxiety.

I remember the conversation vividly. My wife and I were attending a course for families who had suffered from significant stress as a result of their child’s chronic heart condition. In a private conversation, I asked the psychologist hosting the course whether there’s anything you can do about panic attacks. I was surprised by how succinct her answer was. She simply said you can do two things. Reduce your daily life stress from a 9 to an 8. And, breathe. I’ve since learnt to add one more – gradual exposure.

1. Reduce Daily Stress

2. Deep Breathing

3. Gradual Exposure

Here’s the thing. If your general stress/anxiety levels are running at a 9, and your mind decides to hit that big red panic button, there’s not a whole lot of room until it gets to a 10 – panic territory. A speech, a social situation or facing something which caused #Trauma in the past. You think the event is the problem, hence you begin to avoid it. But if you take a good hard look at where your general stress levels are running at in life, and you work on dialing it down just a notch or two, you have wiggle room. Sure, your stress will still spike, but not usually to the point where panic attacks reside.

And Breathe. It’s so simple, but it’s one of the only things we have control over, and it makes a monumental difference. Put simply, we breathe faster when we stress, it’s our bodies natural way of getting more oxygen to our muscles, ready to run. This comes in handy when we’re being chased by a whatever. But when there is no real threat, just our mind wreaking havoc, we can manage panic by controlled breathing.

Fast forward a few years…

The auditorium was full of people. It was Father’s Day and I was speaking on a Q&A panel. It was about 3 years since the night I’d experienced that panic attack at the awards night. But… I was exercising regularly. Meditating. Sleeping regular hours. Slowing down. Being kinder to myself. And importantly, I’d been slowly exposing mysel