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TW: Tomorrow is Mother’s Day and, well... #CPTSD #CovertIncest #SuicidalThoughts #Selfharm #Clean

I would honestly rather stop existing than face tomorrow. Don’t worry, I don’t have any kids. I am at the beginning of a serious part of trauma therapy and I am about as distant from my mother as I ever have been. Sometimes I honestly feel like I hate her, and other times it’s like I can metaphorically feel the umbilical cord still connecting us. She made me be her pseudo-spouse emotionally, when I was 2 or 3. I would have a tantrum (because 2 year olds do that) and she would write a literal essay on what effect my outburst had on HER, and how it made HER feel, and read it to me. When I was 2. As I got older I started imagining a literal concrete bunker inside my chest that I could hide in that had no doors or windows and nobody including my mother could get in.
I haven’t talked to her in a few months. I have to call her tomorrow and I honestly would rather jump off a bridge. But I won’t kill myself or hurt myself and I will call her. This just really sucks. I’m sure a lot of people have much worse stories. At least she hugged me and said I love you, growing up. But I always felt gross and intruded on.
She does not see or respect any boundaries. This woman socializes with her own therapist. I’m sorry for the angsty post. I don’t know what I am looking for, just someone to say something kind, I guess.


Three months later and I can still say I’m over one year cut free 😊 under different circumstances I know I most likely would’ve failed but I’m so proud of myself for being able to be strong. My partner in January had me make a Lifetime promise on my grandmothers grave to never harm myself in anyway possible. #Clean #Cutting #Selfharm

See full photo

Simplify and declutter #Clutter #deClutter #simple #minimalist #mental #mentaldecluttering #startfresh #Clean #cleanspacecleanmind

I don’t offer post of the mighty however when I do I really remember the reason I signed up. What an amazing community.

One thing the above photo represents is my bedroom- although not perfect- all clean and neat. I have begun practicing being a minimalist and whatever I do not need nor want nor will use anytime past or future- gets given away.

I chop and change when giving away my old belongings as not all ‘do-gooders’ perform the way they state they do. Churches I find have been especially integral in giving back to the poorer population.

Back to the picture...

I have been a bit down and erratic as of late. New changes happening every day, stress and kids and running a house, new job etc etc... yes yes I cannot forget how truly grateful I am but wow, sometimes you wake up and feel like life has knocked you in the stomach. The ups and downs of the last year has got many of us in a stir and a whirlwind of emotions we haven’t been trained to process so simply we are all ‘winging it’ at the moment, trying to feel a small sense of normalcy and control while things clearly are not that way.

On a positive note- as in the above pic- I have started- room by room- one day at a time- cleaning out every last item in each part of the room and purging items that no longer serve me.

I have been surprised by the sense of freedom and weightlessness of not having too much ‘stuff’. Instead I have kept only what I need. This one simple act has changed the vibe in every part of my home and has changed the energy too. I would really recommend it.

I have even started applying it to my social media and devices- every day I delete one-two apps off my phone. Very small but lighter feeling in the end!

Keep safe and healthy and dm me for any questions or just to have a safe space to chat.

Love and light

1 comment

One Year Clean

I’ve officially for the first time in my life since I started cutting when I was 15 have reached One Year Clean 😭 I never thought I’d ever reach this milestone ever and all it took was a change of environment, a strong support team and determination to not cut again. I promised my partner I’ll never hurt myself in any form ever again in my life and am so proud of achieving this. I want to do a small celebration of finally reaching this goal but I’m not sure how to celebrate it yet. #oneyearclean #oneyearcutfree #Depression #Selfharm #Clean


#Selfharm #Clean

im 18 now and still clean since october. still feeling sad but i will continue to work hard to make it into my dream school. i feel empty, it feels like i am always missing something



It’s approaching the time of year where I usually struggle mentally. This time last year I was in a very bad place mentally and tried to end my life multiple times over Dec - Feb. what’s helped is despite what a horrible year it has been for many, it has been a great year for me. I haven’t thought about cutting for months and I am a lot happier now. This time last year I needed so much support I couldn’t get and broke. I’m mentally so much stronger now than I was before but am still struggling with small things. I wish you all a merry Christmas and thank you for always supporting me. #MentalHealth #Clean #happier


Anyone need or have a #Clean #joke ? #DistractMe

Here is one from;

Did you hear about the pet store whose canaries were constantly flying and never landed?

They gave them away for free.

After all, we're all familiar with "no perches necessary."


Struggling again, I recently separated from my partner as they would give me the silent treatment and refuse to talk to me for days for the littlest things such as assuming my mood and my mental state would just deteriorate. I’m 8 months clean from cutting this month but I almost didn’t make it because of overthinking my self worth. I’m just feeling very down right now. #MentalHealth #Clean #struggling #breakup


#Selfharm #Clean i have been 1 month clean

im doing a little better. i have been clean for a month now i believe. al though i still feel down a lot i did ask for a therapist. i also might get a job soon, i had my interview today and it went really well. i would also like to say i am a girl but a few of my friends call me matt so i used it instead of my real name. i hope i can get the help i need soon and to all of you i hope you're all doing okay. sending hugs to everyone :)) just wanted to update u all


Teeth #Clean

I need to be more organized, beginning with taking care of my teeth every morning #52SmallThings