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The Loop Keeps Rolling!

I can't stop my mind from going backwards and replaying my life when I was abused by my Narcissistic Mother! Talk about C-PTSD!! Then I replay the abuse from my ex! I have no good memories! I don't remember anything good not until I met my second husband and my mother disowned me when I was 34. Oh boy did I lose it! She took away my father and sister as well. She wanted to destroy me and I never understood why she hated me so much. When covid started I looked up mother's who disown adult daughters. I hit on daughters of narcissistic mothers!!! I never knew! I got into therapy recently and I'm glad I did, but right now I'm just recalling my childhood and damn, its so painful! The anxiety makes me feel like I'm having a heart attack! And my husband has to wake me up because I'm screaming in my sleep and waking up soaked in sweat! I have no idea what I'm dreaming about.. I hope I can remember a dream or nightmare soon!! Good luck to us all! May we heal #mighty together #CPTSD #Nightmares #Anxiety #Depression #clinical DEPRESSION

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My Sister Ran Away Again!

My sister and I haven't spoke in about 17 years or so. When my mother disowned me, my sister was still with me for a little while and then she went cold on me. I'm the Scapegoat in my family. At 34 my mother did not approve of my second husband and disowned me on my wedding day. She wouldn't come to our small service. And she wouldn't allow my father to come, but my sister stood by my side. Until about 10 months later.. I don't know what happened! We got into our fifties and I realized we were abused by a narcissistic mother! I reached out to my sister and four months later she reached back out saying our childhood was extremely abusive and she agreed and said she realized about a year ago how sick her mother has made her. Now for the last year and a half we've been having 5 hour long conversations about every six weeks. A few months ago she told me her new therapist told her that she herself grew up in a narcissistic home and she has nothing to do with her sister or other siblings. I didn't take it as a clue... Well I'm really hurt. I've never done anything wrong to her. But I'm treated like the Scapegoat again. I'm trying not to be so depressed about this! I'm so sad that my sister doesn't want to be old lady friends and plays word games without honesty. Any suggestions, ideas, stories that would be helpful will be gratefully appreciated.
#Anxiety #CPTSD #Depression #Pain #daughters OF NARCISSISTIC MOTHERS #clinical DEPRESSION

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Feel #Guilty

I feel guilty for not accomplishing something during the day. I was diagnosed with #clinical Depression over 30 years ago. I am in my 70’s now. I am afraid when my life is reviewed when I get to heaven God will say you were lazy and didn’t work like you should have. How will God look at us who didn’t accomplish much?

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Confused #clinical depression

This is neither a thought nor a question. Just want to share.
Two yrs ago, my precious 15 yrs old boy was shot and killed by a cop in front of our house. My kid had a depressive episode and that was his death sentence.
The first 3 months, I spent laying in bed surviving on psych meds.
Today, I'm so afraid to live. Every morning I wake up paralyzed by fear and takes me more than one hour just to dress up to go to work.
Although I don't want to live and hate this life...I can't "kick the bucket".
I have a wonderful supportive wife and a 20 yr old boy.
When I see them every morning and when I think of them, I know that I know real deep inside my heart that I will never leave them alone.
My mental health is been slowly deteriorating in these two past years and haven't been able to stop it.
I have had many depression treatments but none have work long term.
Next week, I'm going to start TMS for the second time.
Any suggestions?


Looking for some Christian folks that have #clinical depression #BPD and #PTSD and what resources I can look for that are free

Struggling so much. I have faith in the Lord and I know he is with me. #ClinicalDepression #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #christianbattles #PTSD


#MightyTogether #Anxiety #clinical Depression

I joined the after spending 20 hours in the ER, waiting for placement in a mental health facility. I had suicidal thoughts and a plan at the time. I signed myself out and tried to make an appointment with the local behavorial health facility. Turns out I had to wait 3 months to get in. So at the time I figured I'd make my own self better and starting searching online. I found a few sites along with this one. And u can honestly say, this was the only one I kept. Fast forward...I didnt succeed in making myself better, but I learned enough through all of you to seek better help and was signed into a mental health ward for a week. It was right for me, and helped me have some "aha" moments. I did overdose, or tried to prior to my visit, but I wasnt meant to go yet.
And I met amazing people, just like me.

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