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The #consequences of Non-acceptance

When confusion and overwhelming lead us, we forget to use the tools (acceptance, acknowledge the emotions, mindfulness, embracing fear, and finally responding with intention and clarity) that allow us to process a new situation (Wolpe, 2000). There are conditions that create awareness. What happened when we do everything but that?
I have a friend who had a problem with her fiance. “I had a little problem with acceptance,” Buva (not her real name) said, recalling the weeks and months after her fiance left her 1 year back. “I couldn’t fathom an existence without him, and worse, I couldn’t accept that he really meant his decision. It was such a breach of trust.”

Buva told me that she had incessantly called her ex until he changed his number. When she found out that he had a new girlfriend who is embraced by their mutual group of friends, she impassionedly e-mailed each one of her friends, whom she had known for more than 6 years, and “broke up with them.” With her fiance left and her circle of friends in ashes, Buva became depressed. Alcohol filled her weeknights, her career suffered; she stopped eating and started overexercising.

She was scared and sad. Money was tight, and Buva described being forced to move back into her childhood bedroom at her parents’ house as the most humiliating experience of her life. This caused her self-worth to further plummet. “I became desperate, and I cringe at the actions that made me look like a lunatic,” Buva explained. “Not only did my ex have to have a threatening talk with me, but my parents and siblings had somewhat of an intervention. I couldn’t get out of my own way.”

Buva’s storm was swirling around her, and instead of understanding that she had the option of assessing the conditions of the storm and responding appropriately, she tired herself out – mentally, emotionally, and physically – by attempting the impossible. “Getting my fiance back was as futile as using my own breath to blow away rain clouds,” she said. “What is the point of that?”

Sometimes the most difficult part of a situation is not the struggle in the midst of it all, but the way in which it is dealt with afterwards, as Buva’s ‘regrettable” behaviours illustrate. What is your next move? Where do you go? How do you move on? The world is spinning around you, and most likely, you either want to (a) crumble down into the fetal position and close your eyes until it all goes away or (b) run away as fast as you can without turning back.

#MentalHealth #MentalHealthAwareness #Love #Selfacceptance #MightyTogether


Sometimes I wish he had just #beaten me up. #MentalHealth

I'm a #surviver . I had a mentally abusive boyfriend for year. When you're in it you don't really notice. That person is everything. You're entire world. Until that person is done with you. Then they just trow you out like carbage. I still remember how I felt when that happened. I had nothing. I felt so incredible alone cus' he was my world. My everything. I had no friends, didn't really talk to my family and had no idea who I was. 21 years old and completely lost in this big world... At some point I didn't wanted to live anymore. I came so close of just ending it all. To let him and the rest of the world know how much he had fucked me up. But I didn't. In the end I wouldn't give him the pleasure of winning. I was better and #Stronger than that. I lived a couple of years basically conjuring the world. Didn't let anyone really see the #damage I had inside me. Not even my family. People knew I was hurtig but I think most people just believed and still believe it was a bad #breakup . This would also be my family as well. But after almost 5 years it's still there. Everyday I learn something new about what he did to me and the #consequences of it. I don't really trust people, I like being alone cus' then there's no one to hurt me, I've lost faith in humans, I'm struggling with #Depression , #Anxiety and still sometimes thoughts of #Death , I get #overwhelmed so easily and believe the worst in everyone, I feel so #replaceable and #Unimportant all the time. This is something I'll always carry with me and I'll always have to work and deal with. But no one know how much it really affects me. Only me, my psychologist and shrink. Not even my own family. If they did my brother wouldn't have invited him to his wedding. My brother and ex were friends before we started dating and became friends after he broke up. And I know for sure if my brother knew how much damage he had done to me he wouldn't have invited him to the wedding. Sure I've seen my ex after he broke up but this time just hit me so hard. He came into my family. What's supposed to be my safe space. And it all just came back. The feeling I had when he broke. If it was any other than my brother who had made me feel that way I would have bloked them and threw them out of my life. Sometimes I wish my ex had just beaten me up instead. So people could see the #bruises . See the hurt. So I would have evidence he is a monster. So people would understand. If he had just beaten me up people wouldn't make me be in the same room as him. They would respect I wouldn't wanted to see him or in any way have him in my life. Now people just think it's a bad breakup I just couldn't get over. But it's so much more than that. You wouldn't put a murder and it's victim in the same room wouldn't you? So why is it OK to put me and my ex on the same room? I almost killed myself because of him. He is my murder. So yeah. Sometimes I really wish he had just beaten me up on the outside and not the inside... #Abusive #relationship