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My wonderful child J. has had GAD and constant panic attacks for two months. We have seen an awful neurologist and a helpful psychiatrist; he and I are in therapy. Tomorrow we visit Cortica to rule out being in the spectrum (or rule in). I love my job; I love my children, J and N. My husband tried his best to help, but I had to push him. I feel the emotional, medical, and physical burden is on me. Last night, J had an adverse side effect on a new Benzo. He hallucinated for 5-6 hours. As a consequence, my husband ruled out benzos. We are waiting for the SSRI to kick in, but it might take three more weeks. Today the whole family worked from home, no school. We are exhausted. He asks me: why me? What did I do to deserve this? I do not want children because I do not want to leave this legacy. He is nine years old. I suffer from depression and anxiety. They are under control with meds, but I a making a U-turn. I feel alone and do not know where to go from here. Thank you for reading. #GAD #Autism #SensoryIssues #exhausted #y #SSRI #Medi #Benzos #mother #NeedSupport #Children #PanicAttacks #hard #choices #needsleep

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Wise Up or Wait Up?

How do you know when to take the plunge on another assistive device?
How long is too long to wait where you are negatively impacting your health as opposed to maintaining functioning and quality of life?
Where are you on the spectrum of want to need to can't live without?
Do you listen to the Dr's that say you need to work towards removing assistive devices or to the Dr's that tell you to use them to improve your functionality and quality of life?

I'm on the fence (as it seems I often am when trying to manage my chronic health problems) about whether I should cave and get a shower chair or bench. I find showers exhausting but I don't want to take yet another visible step that confirms my failing ability to function and complete normal every day tasks. Some of my Dr's say I need to get rid of things I already use like my cane and others say I need to rethink my use of things that can allow me to function better which may mean adding more assistive devices.
What do you think?
Where is the line for you?
When do you know it's time to take the plunge?

#ChronicPain #assistivedevice #showerchair #Disability #Migraine #Fibromyalgia #HEDS #Stigma #choices #Undiagnosed #POTS

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Tough choices

My wife is waiting to hear back about what day her new job starts. She went for an interview last week and the manager said they were planning to start either April 4 or the following week. But she did get the job. So that's the good thing!

The hard thing is we got a call yesterday from the place where her daughter (high functioning) does her autism therapy and they told us her insurance changed and they don't take it. So either we get her back on the plan she used to be on or services end Friday. The only way to change that is to actually call them, which gives my wife extreme anxiety. She's gonna try because if they can change it back, keeping her at the same place would be easiest routine-wise. But the other side is if we keep her on this new plan, it covers another place in town that does the same type of therapy but they also offer respite care and other services all inclusive that we have to go to outside agencies to get since this other place doesn't have those. So, all told, this might be better for all of us in the longer term. But the current place is getting her ready to return to traditional school. And if she goes to the new place, the easiest thing to do would be keep her in online school cuz, while from a therapy standpoint she is ready to go back to school, from a practical standpoint of socialization and what her individual needs are, she wouldn't do well. She's still struggling to do practically anything independently. There just never seems to be a moment for us to enjoy anything or catch a break... #Autism #OppositionalDefiantDisorder #Insurance #choices

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Choice #meds #choices

I chose not to take my meds today. Now i need to see if this becomes a pattern or a fluke.

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Control: #Depression #Anxiety #PTSD #MentalHealth

One of the hardest things I am learning about managing my mental health is related to control. Where I live we are in the midst of a 1 in 60 year flood. This is the road west out of town.

Thankfully we can still get out on the east side. There are some things in my life I can control and obviously some things like weather , that I can’t control.

What I can do though is choose how I respond to those out of control things. I have not made completely smart choices lately and I am paying the price for that. I hope this week I will do better.

#Relationships #ChronicIllness #Faith #choices

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Choose how you want to react

What is boils down to, we all face challenges, we all have our ups and downs, we are all human but we have the power to decide how we react to life.
#choices #React #whodoyouwanttobe #challenge #mindset

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Stormfront building #Pain #Depression #Anxiety #choices #Marriage #noaffection #baddecisions

I've been stuck in a marriage for the last few years that has been uncommunicative and lacking any intimacy. We tried marriage therapy, but it was a disaster. He wasn't willing to be honest and vulnerable, the therapist wasn't familiar with trauma or BPD, so I kept getting phrases like "you're too hard to please", "he's damned if he does and damned if he don't", and "you're just too needy", which is where my individual therapist pulled me out of the sessions. My husband was supposed to continue by himself, but said he was only going to figure out how to fix me, he didn't have any issues. He works 3rd shift despite being told that my being alone is harmful, but he likes thirds because he doesn't want to mess with the supervisors. So now I'm sick of not having any intimacy, not even a hug unless I specifically ask for one, and my mind has started straying, but I don't want to step outside of my vows. I stay only because I can't work and I need his insurance to keep getting my mental health care, but it's like roommates with insurance benefits. I'm tired of this empty hole that used to have love and I'm on the verge of making some very bad decisions just to feel like I'm worth being loved and cherished.

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