cosmetics

My body it's supposed to be my temple so to speak, I'm supposed to feel confident and pride in this body of mine, but yet I feel like I'm in a cell trapped inside a body that I dont feel comfortable in. So how do you love yourself? Do you hate yourself less or try to love yourself more? Unspeakable things come to mind as I look in the mirror, at a body that I want to shed from because society doesnt look at me the way they look at the prettier thinner girls, they see this! a person who's wearing oversized clothing to hide something that shouldn't be shamed a tummy, thighs, love handles, or stretch marks, sometimes not even a body of overeating or unhealthy life styles, just from health issues or even from carrying a beautiful soul for 9 months.
Not even the thoughts of losing weight, but changing the body you were once comfortable in because society makes you feel weak and vulnerable, you want to look good not only to the people who see you in public, but to the person you love the most because you feel worthless and unacceptable because of how you look, wanting to fix how my body looks making it thinner and plumper in some spots making certain places bigger or less unperked. It feels so wrong to think, but yet it feels so right because maybe if I looked a bit more presentable I'll feel better about how I look. new clothes or hair wont fix it, but a body transformation because being 135 pounds again and fit them clothes would be everything, but why was it even then I felt the same way? It's not my anxiety or depression because why would I care so much of this maybe it is though and I dont want to admit it.
My body is my temple and I want to change it my motivation sucks right now and I know diets dont work, its going to take the long way, hours of hard work outs and eating no sugars or unhealthy carbs, but even when I reach that goal I know I still wont be happy again, why? Because being bigger or smaller than size 25 wont matter because its in the eyes of the beholders, being 5 foot 3 and a size 23 they would still consider me over weight, my breasts still not as perky as they once were without a boob job would be unacceptable and non pleasing, and my lips looking lifeless without one more pinch of filler because fuller is better. doing numerous butt workouts and tummy tucks still wont get rid of that mama pouch, but you'll still look hotter than before right?
society is falling into beauty and cosmetic surgarys so if I dont have any am I really at my best.
My body is my temple so do I want to change it my way or the way society wants me to.
Ceara Poitras
#body #Anxiety #Depression #Thoughts #Acceptance #loveandhate #bodyconfidence #Love #hate #mybody #yourbody #Society #Selflove #Selfhate #cosmetics #surgaries