I have to beat my addiction. Its easier for me to describe like this: #mightypoety #SexualAssault #Rape #SexualAbuse #exploitation #Healing #violence #rapeculture #rapetrauma #SelfMedicating
There is a ‘demon’ inside my brain, and it has managed to gain near total command. The demon is This addiction, to something which was once helpful, as a temporary release, from the anguish of what was going on around me, and to me, to others as well.
I need to reclaim my own mind, and get control back from the ‘demon’. Take back the reigns.
It’s going to hurt me, it will scream and kick and shout at me. All of it’s might, will thrust forward, as the Demon attempts to survive. Clenching, hard onto these reigns, dominating my head space, it is adamant that it shall not relinquish, the throbbing life source, the ‘treasure’ it found within me. That Demon’s ‘treasure chest’ was not, as one might expect, in the form of a breakable crate, dripping with Gold, jewels, wealth and happiness.
Rather, it is the antithesis of such a positive glowing beacon.
‘Treasure’ for this Demon, was in fact the lack of it. The emptiness. The hollow crate, where once stood self-belief, self-love, self-esteem, ambition, hope and will. When the world around me came to blows, and stripped away everything about me, everything I held so dear and close... The tsunami which washed out happiness, stole my love of life, swept away the love of my life, crippled my career, took away all livelihood. All that was left was my soul.
When the rape came, my soul seemed all but smothered. All that was left of me, was an empty shell of self.
That is what this Demon treasures, the hollow cave, where once sparked my soul, that is it’s dreadful power. Power to remain captain of this ghostly vessel, steering my ship beneath it’s own sails, and into the ever blackening darkness.
Yet my soul remains, as do my sails, and all the fire within me could never be smothered. The Demon knows this, and it frightens it’s core. Hence it’s rampage. It fears the fateful inevitable. That once again my soul with sail this ship, the opportunistic Demon, shall lie, defeated. Not merely smothered, completely extinguished.
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