rape

So evidently the definitions of sex crimes are a lot broader than originally thought. I have had three sexual partners in my life. According to the technical definitions, all three of them victimized me with #SexualAssault two of them perpetrated #SexualViolence against me and, because of the updated definition, one #Rape d me. This on top of #EmotionalAbuse #NarcissisticAbuse and #emotionalrape by two of them. That on top of my official diagnoses no doubt stemming from the trauma above. Further explanation for why I struggle so much.

It's funny isn't it, even when we were together I would never call you by your name because I knew I would get hurt so I gave you nicknames. Never did I think you would rape me. Then again no one ever think it is going to be them right? I always try to see the best in people and no matter how awfully you treated me I still saw the good and thought you were just misunderstood and my friends didn't know you like I did. How wrong I was. Was I just naive? Even after it happened I questioned myself, I told myself that it couldn't of just happened. That wouldn't happen to me. I have been through a lot of shitty things but never did I think i'd end up here. I can't even say I am a survivor of rape, because i am not surviving. I don't know when this pain subsides, when do I stop being afraid to leave my house, when will i not be on high alert when i will get to leave the house it happened in when will i get to move away from you. I can never heal whilst you're so close everywhere i go, there are memories of you and i. the inly thing i can say that i have gained is the ability to say your name out loud. It is the only power i hold. Not only did I question whether it was rape before someone told me what happened was rape, i never even realised there was domestic abuse all the way through. How do i ahve anyone else to blame apart from myself there were warning signs, my friends tried to warn me but i didnt listen and now i am here #Rape #DomesticAbuse

It’s been 22 years since I left the man who raped and abused me. I used to look him up yearly to make sure he wasn’t living too close to me. After more than a decade, I looked him up again. Probably because in trauma therapy recently I realized that the night he took my virginity it was actually #Rape . Completely unwanted and he knew it.

Once I saw him, rage filled me and I don’t know what to do with it. My regular therapist and trauma therapist are unavailable for two more weeks. I am beyond angry. But I’m having to stuff the rage down so I don’t go off on my family or hurt myself.

I’ve done one writing assignment. I’m have limited mobility due to pain and can’t exercise it off. Other ideas? TIA. 💕 #Abuse #AbuseSurvivors #Depression #Anxiety #ChronicPain #anger #Rage

How do I become a whole again and feel any self worth? It’s been 20 years since I was trafficked and I still feel worthless and have so much hate for myself.

With all the anti abortion decisions SCOTUS has made lately I've been discussing these issues with my husband. I told him the story of the 10 year old girl that was raped and denied an abortion. He thought that if you haven't had your first period you can't get pregnant, so the thought was 'it's physically impossible.'..

We have an 11 year old daughter, I asked him what if she gets raped. His response made me angry, but I know he doesn't understand because he's never had to worry about it before and knows no one who's gone through that trauma.

He thinks to prevent rape to give her a knife, defensive classes, and I teach her confidence and self-esteem (my PTSD makes that seem impossible) to show her she doesn't need a man. Those are great ideas, yes, but I believe he assumes since it hasn't happened around here it won't and won't happen to her especially if she knows how to defend herself. I know that's the story many people tell themselves but the Freeze reaction is all too real and very misunderstood.

I'm worried for her future, not just because of SCOTUS' decision but also because of what he thinks will prevent it, will she blame herself as so many of us do because of his opinion? I bet she will.

He's never heard the stories of women who have defensive training, weapons, etc. unsuccessfully fight off her attackers, only those lucky ones who didn't freeze up.

Which brings me to my question, would any of you be able to share your story? I COMPLETELY understand if no one wants to, I just thought I would ask so I can help him see it's not just something to brush off, that he should be concerned about women's rights too. I need him to understand that this decision opens the door for more rape and assaults (am i being dramatic about this one?). He wants me to fact check the news stories I read online but I thought it would be better to show him the real stories, not the bs news reports.

Thank you for any help and reading my long post. I hope I didn't offend or trigger anyone, I really don't mean to, I'm so unbelievably sorry if I have. #Rape #Survivor