depressio

So my husband were in another state for our daughter’s wedding. We had wanted to find an AA meeting while we were there. We were both recovering alcoholics. Anyway, we set off. I asked “do you know where we’re going ?” He replied (as mot men do) “I got this. I don’t need a map”. ( this was before GPS). Oh great, I thought. We drove for a good while. Then we passed the Seagrams factory. oh-oh I thought this wasn’t a good sign . The AA gods were telling us to stop for directions. We kept driving while my brilliant husband kept saying “we’ll be there soon.I got this !” Right. On we drove. And drove. Then I spotted a sign. “Ah-ha “ he says. “Ah-ha “ I said. The sign said “You are now leaving the state of Pennsylvania. Hope you enjoyed your stay !” So in my nicest wifey voice I said “ I’d like a Coke. Let’s stop for a minute and get one.” Back on the road, going BACK , he said “ I found out that the signs were wrong. “ Right, John”. So back we went and 3 hours later, we made it. Outside, John swaggered into the meeting place oozing with male confidence, saying “See I TOLD you so. I told you I’d find this place. Who needs maps ?” Right, I said. Hey; you Mightys, have a safe, sober New Years ! And don’t forget to laugh ! 😏

I Just recently went through trauma.I literally have 3 to 4 panic attacks a day. I barely eat I lost 25 pounds in one week.I am struggling with bad destructive behaviors. I have flashbacks to the day. I also have nightmares every time I go to bed. I would love to have suggestions or support to get through this.I am struggling to see the good in this world. I feel like there is a dark cloud over me. So anyone please please help me get through this.#depressio n#Anxiety #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #Selfharm #EatingDisorders

Hi there, just wanted to ask you guys, do we have any authors or publishers here? I needed some genuine advice. . .I am writing a book for the first time and I don't know if I should continue and invest more time into it if I am not doing a good job. I would really appreciate any help or advice in order to decide if it is worth a try and will it get published or should I give it up
#Depression #Bipolar #MentalHealth

Someone must know how I feel. I sooo badly want to message my BF but I know I can’t offload its not fair on her, what if she had a bad day. What if she doesn’t reply. It hurts so much. #Depression #Anxiety

Spent the morning and a bit of the afternoon trying to combat a fog, mild fever and general body aches(E-visit consultation concluded its not Corona). Two depression flare-ups in the AM.
Afternoon I got what I call ‘rabbity’. Where you don’t know why but you feel you can’t trust anyone. Like everyone hates you and is out to get you. The guy in the vehicle next to you, the lady coming towards you in the market aisle. You feel just this almost overwhelming need to bolt, to hide, or to lash out. Add in depression and it’s like

Depression: If something bad happened to me? whatever.

Anxiety: That guy hates you! He wants to harm you!

Me: What?! No! Evade! Evade!

Depression: So what if I didn’t exist tomorrow.

Anxiety: keep an eye on that woman! She means to kill you first chance she gets!

Me: Eep! No! Bad! Not....Wait...my depression wants these things to happen, my anxiety points out the who and how and yet I still avoid it?

Drove home at the speed of needing to get home before I broke down but not so fast as to attract desperately unwanted attention, or cops.

So mental health wise I have just been all over the place today just spinning around dizzy and exhausted.

... I don’t know, I guess it’s like even if I want it, even if I feel I deserve it, I don’t want my demise to be some random, unexpected thing that I have no control over the level of pain or length of time. Like I oddly still care about myself.
It disturbs me sometimes how cavalier and indifferent I can be towards my own #SuicidalIdeation

Okay, so I've been off work for about 2 weeks now for increasingly bad symptoms that I don't if they are related to fibro, MS (which I go start the process for testing with Neuro on Thursday), problems with med side effects or what. I've finally admitted to myself that I should take a leave of absence until I get some kind of diagnosis and get stabilized. Mind you, this is after being in denial for months that everything would get better and I wouldn't be calling off work sick at least once a week anymore. I realized that I have to go off work and on disability in order to not lose my job or put my patients at risk because I'm forgetting things and could hurt or kill someone. I love being a nurse and I love working together as part of a team, but it's just not fair to anyone if they're having to always check behind me or pick up the slack because I can't keep up. It doesn't help that I feel useless at home, too, because it seems like every movement causes such muscle fatigue that I'm nearly always shaking now. Or off balance. Or irritated because I can't remember what I was trying to say or the names of objects or medications. I feel like I'm losing parts if myself so rapidly in the past couple of weeks that I won't know who I am at the end of this. And the only actual diagnosis I have at this point is depression. How is that going to help with my disability claim? I'm the primary bread winner in our house. If I don't get disability, we don't eat. And my daughter is set to graduate high school this year, and her brother will be doing the same next year. I don't want to let my kids down and make them miss out on important memories. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm worried. About everything. And it's exhausting. Thanks for letting get this out. #neuro #Anxiety #Disability

So while I was waiting for disability approval, I worked part time. Now I'm not sure I want to work, but could use the extra money. I need to focus on my self care. But I have thoughts of volunteering.
Need something bigger than my self! I want to find a new balance.
I'm open for suggestions on how to get there...find my greater calling!?
#DistractMe #Fibromyalgia #depressio #anxeity