depersonalization

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Dissociation In Six Parts

1. I’m standing in my elementary school bathroom,

Staring into the mirror;

When I first become

unrecognizable.

2. Seated in the waiting room of a Boston law office,

My father in a meeting,

I stare at a large landscape painting on the wall.

Suddenly I’m falling

through the frame.

I’m twelve.

3. It’s summertime in the Hamptons.

I go to kiss my father goodnight

But I don’t recognize his face —

features distorted and grotesque.

I say nothing, ruminate in bed.

I’m thirteen.

4. I’m age nineteen-almost-twenty,

Recently released from the psychiatric ward,

Out to dinner with friends.

Their voices are far away and echoing,

Then much too loud.

Something is wrong,

Something is wrong,

I have to go home —

Dad says, You’re okay, it was a panic attack.

Go lie down.

5. I’m twenty, sitting on the floor of the family room,

Trying to feel my face —

I can’t feel my face.

I’m touching it, pinching it, but

I can’t feel my hands on my face.

Can I feel my legs?

A little bit.

Something is wrong.

Something is very wrong.

The clock reads 3am when I call my psychiatrist’s emergency line.

You’re in luck, he tells me.

You’re already taking the medication used to treat this —

It’s called depersonalization —

Take extra tonight and call me in the morning.

It should help immediately.

It does.

6. I’m 30-something.

Life is a series of Polaroids,

A glitchy stop motion film,

Sound as if from far away.

Walking the dog,

I fear I’ll fall through

The sidewalk.

I trip over cracks, the world spins faster—-

Where in space is my body?

Where are my feet?

#Dissociation #Depersonalization #Derealization #CPTSD #Anxiety #Trauma #creativewriting

(edited)
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I'm new here!

Hi, my name is JohnChatzis. I'm here because I can listen to anything that happened to you. I have helped people in the past because I had a dark past with dark thoughts that almost made me end my life. I still have thoughts to share though. I am not a specialist. I have still things inside me that bother me and I feel lonely. I can help you help me and you can help me help you. Love

#MightyTogether #DerealizationDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #Depression #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #PanicDisorder #Suicide #Seizures #PTSD #Depersonalization #Derealization #Meaning #meaningoflife #exist #existentialism

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Dark Corners

When I was young, i didn’t have the brightest childhood nor the brightest smile. I would try to sink deep into sleep, but nightmares troubled me until I weep. I lived in darkness until I became consumed, I almost lost myself to the deepest doom. But then God found me and the light was blinding. Sometimes I miss my little corner of binding.

#Depersonalization /DerealizationDisorder #ChildhoodTraumaSurvivors #PTSD

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Don’t really know who I am #Depression #Anxiety #Depersonalization #Derealization

Disclaimer: I am not asking for any medical or professional advice.

This is something I have been struggling with for most of my life and I thought this was a good place to learn something at least. I have never been able to truly tell anyone about “myself”. Whenever someone asks me I always draw a blank. Same goes for if someone asks me what my favorite color, food, hobby etc.. is I almost envision this white blank wall in my mind and it’s disheartening because it’s hard for me to answer basic questions about myself. This is also present in other places in my life such as my career and it has made some big impacts. It also affects how I view my habits, how I function and the fact that I always have to rely on how other people see me.

To clarify, I have been diagnosed MDD, GAD and ADHD. I’m hoping to take this to a therapist/professional at some point but I am unable to do so due to financial strains.

Any input would really help ❤️

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Weird DPDR symptom?

Hey guys,
I’m a little nervous to post this because I haven’t heard of anyone else with this specific symptom and because I also struggle with OCD/anxiety, it makes me feel like I’m going crazy. I’ve also been diagnosed with depression and DPDR. So the weird symptom is that when I feel really stressed sometimes I feel like there’s a little me observing myself from the inside (specifically the left side) of my brain. It kind of feel like my consciousness has moved to the side and that I’m a small version of myself operating a robot (aka my body). But because I also have OCD, I become hyper focused on this symptom and when my anxiety is bad I can convince myself that I’m crazy or losing my mind or schizophrenic. It really freaks me out. But I’ve never lost touch with reality I just feel really weird and frustrated. I’d love to hear some feedback and to see if anyone else has ever felt this way? It would mean a lot to me to know I’m not alone in this. Thanks for reading 🙂 #dpdr #weirdsymptoms #OCD #Depression #Depersonalization #Derealization #feelalone

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Anyone have good ressources specific to DP/DR to share?

Looking if people have good recommendations for specifically adressing and treating DP/DR … i.e. books, workbooks, videos, exercises… etc. #Depersonalization #Derealization #Anxiety

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Hi everyone! #Depersonalization

Hey! Whoever is reading this I hope you're fine and at ease! My name is Ayoub, I am 24, and I am from Morocco. This is my first time on this website, and I'm here to share a personal reflection about my condition. Honestly, I haven't been diagnosed yet, but my symptoms match Depersonalization Disorder. I'm not sure yet, and I'm kindly looking for an opinion based on what you're going to read below. Thank you!

I've been living beneath too many masks for so long, and now I have no idea who I am or what I've become. I question whom my thoughts, feelings, and emotions belong to. I question their origins and realiness. Am I what I believe I am or Am I not? Am I a real person with a coherent identity? Or am I a dream in my mind, an actor in a movie? I just wonder how can I know what I want if I cannot know who I am. How can I exist properly in the world, yet I am completely detached from it. It is a form of a double alienation because I'm self-alienated and alienated from the world. Again, I'm not certain about how true these feelings are, but I experience them everyday. Everything to me feels surreal and far away. Although I partake in actions, they all seem mechanic, dull, and habitual. It is like the agency over myself, actions, and behavior is hijacked by someone else outside of me while I'm trapped within in a dark corner helpless and clueless. It is like being a puppet controlled by a puppeteer. The only difference is that I am aware while the puppet isn't.

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Unpresent (A poem)

I feel like I’m watching the world
happen around me.
Distant from my body,
leagues and leagues under the black sea
bewildered by the brilliant bioluminous lights. Or
in the cold choke of space,
floating through little diamonds
and pinprick stars. Far.
Away.
D i s c o n n e c t e d.
i
s
c
o
n
n
e
c
t
e
d.

#Dissassociation #Derealization #Depersonalization

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Depersonalization Cause?

I was just diagnosed with Lyme disease and I've battled with depersonalization/derealization for as long as I can remember. Finally, I have answers! #LymeDisease #Depersonalization #Derealization

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The Cage by Elarhyse Welgemoed Morton

The Cage by Elarhyse Welgemoed Morton
02/20/2021

I am trapped
Inside of a prison
Of my own device
With cold
Bars of steel
I feel like
a caged bird
With no doors
No escape
A bird who longs
For an escape
A bird who longs
To fly free
To breathe
The fresh air
To feel the wind
Wrapping itself
Around their
aerial being
I want to spread my wings
Fly far, far away
Away from this suffering
Away from this existence
Away from the pain
The fear
The anguish
The anger
The torment
That my brain
Chains me to
My brain
Holds me hostage
In a prison
Of my own device
Alone in a corner
In a dark, dirty cage
Left alone to rot
I just want to
Fly free

Art created by Elarhyse Welgemoed Morton #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #BipolarDisorder #Depersonalization /DerealizationDisorder

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