Depersonalization Disorder

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Depersonalization Disorder
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DPDR hits hard. I again feel weird, out, awkward, nothing makes sense, feels like a dream... how do I even know everything is real? What does it even mean? OMG I just wanna cry, feels like I am losing my mind 😭#DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder #Anxiety

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I feel so weak. Like I can't stop stressing, worrying and move on. I freakin' miss my ex husband and I hate to admit it. Despite having new caring attentive boyfriend, I miss my chronically lying, abusive cheating ex...
I just can't stop thinking about all those good memories we had and the connection and fun we had, feels like I won't be able to find it anywhere in anyone else...
#Depression #Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #Relationships #DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder

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A Journey Through Therapy

In the quiet chambers of your heart,

Where shadows linger and wounds reside,

You embark on a voyage—a quest for light.

Therapy, your compass, guiding you through the night.

The therapist’s office, a sanctuary of whispers,

Where vulnerability blooms like fragile petals.

You lay bare your soul, unraveling the knots,

As they listen, without judgment, to your life’s plots.

Together, you sift through memories—

The shards of pain, the echoes of trauma.

They hand you tools: resilience, compassion, hope,

To mend the fractured pieces, to help you cope.

Therapy is not weakness; it’s strength unveiled.

It’s the courage to face demons, unafraid.

In the sacred space, tears flow like rain,

Washing away shame, releasing the strain.

You learn to rewrite narratives, reclaim your voice.

To dance with vulnerability, make empowered choices.

The therapist’s gaze mirrors your worth,

As you redefine healing, reclaim your birth.

So, dear seeker of solace, embrace the process.

Each session a stepping stone toward progress.

You are not broken; you’re a mosaic of scars—

A masterpiece in the making, under therapy’s stars.

A Must-Have Journal :

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder # #CheckInWithMe #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Depression #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

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#DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder #SubstanceUseDisorders #Bipolar1 #Bipolar2 #Insomnia

I learned two things about myself today. Apparently, I have been experiencing Depersonalization / Derealization for a very long time but I didn’t know what it was. I knew I dissociated, but I suddenly started having some strange experiences lately that I have concluded are depersonalization. This has led to discovering that I have experienced many symptoms of both Depersonalization / Derealization for decades. The second thing I learned today, is that, my issues with sleep may not be solely bipolar disorder, but a trauma response. My brain speeds up after a certain point at night, and I think it is hyper vigilant to protect me from the unpredictable behavior of my parents. They threw wild parties and I heard lots of loud yelling, laughing, fighting, music and violence. I never knew what was going to happen. I would lock myself in my bedroom by pushing my dresser up to the door and put a butter knife in the door frame as a makeshift lock. I was afraid of their friends. I needed stuff, but was too afraid to leave my room to get it, lest I draw too much attention to myself. So, I went without, or listened and waited trying to discern a time that I might fly under the radar. The noise was so loud, I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to. Often, I just ended up putting a pillow over my head, tuning them out, so I could fall asleep and eventually did from exhaustion. My parents both suffered from substance use disorder. I do too, or did anyway. I quit using 6 years ago and quit smoking 2 years ago. Trauma often causes us to ignore its’ symptoms, because we are used to them, don’t think they are symptoms, or that those symptoms aren’t important enough to talk about, or seek treatment for.

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I can't forgive myself

I can't forgive myself. And one of the thing I can't forgive myself is that 5 years ago I left medical school. At that time I was going through so much anxiety, depression, weird feelings, dpdr that I decided to quit. Til today I feel like I failed. Like I failed myself, my parents, everyone else. I thought that becoming a doctor would finally give me the appreciation I needed in my life so much. Finally something where MY WORD had a meaning and really mattered. I feel like I disappointed my parents. They invested so much in myself for nothing. Years later I still have dreams that I am studying, doing exams, meeting my class mates... I feel like nothing. Because I DID NOT BECOME A DOCTOR. I feel like I was too lazy, maybe if I wasn't everything would be much better. Maybe I should have chosen the easier school (I chose the harder one) maybe I would have made it there....
Still til this day I can't cope with this regret....
#MentalHealth #Anxiety #Depression #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder

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On Thursday I am going on a business trip to Paris. Which is, in comparison to my city, big, foreign, more dangerous etc...
My parents just awared be to be careful so that no one drugs my drinks etc. so that I won't become a part of human market. Well, in general I am scared as hell to go, I love Paris but as my anxiety is doing terribly at these times I am scared what if I get an anxiety attack there. Now I am having terrible attack with dpdr due to thinking, what if someone drugs/poisons my food/drink. You might never know what kind of people work in restaurants/bars etc... I am scared 😶
#Anxiety #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder

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Been feeling a bit down for the past few days. On Monday I opened up at the therapist about my childhood traumatic memories, such as crying because I felt sorry that my mom's dad (my grandfather) died when she was young. Or that I saw her having mental breakdown that we had to call ambulance because our cat died. And many more. Then I remembered also one of my earliest memories, being a small child in a hospital, alone, scared, lying in bed and seeing some doctor checking up on me. Today since I woke up I started to think about my HARM #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder and how I have been dealing with it since my childhood. Yes as a child around 12 I had thoughts about hurting myself or others. Thinking maybe I am a real psychopath and I really wanted to kill someone. Maybe I am really bad and I use ocd just as an excuse. This cycle resulted in a depersonalization, when I started to have thoughts like I don't deserve to be alive because I am a monster and it took a time to get it under control. It is so exhausting
#Anxiety #DerealizationDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder

14 reactions 3 comments

Past traumas and letting go

What is the right way to get rid of past traumas? I am very sensitive person, very emotionally unstable been through a lot of $#!T since childhood. I have always felt that I did not process everything, it always used to make me cry, I always felt useless, dumb, terrible etc...
For the past 5 months that I have been going through divorce I am finding out and going really deep about those bad experiences from past and try to process them. Like acknowledge them, go deep, think how it affected me, try to forgive etc... Of course it takes time. However, my relatives now told me that it is nonsense to go through your past, you should just throw it out and move on. My question is how do you heal/process past experiences? #MentalHealth #Anxiety #PTSD #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DerealizationDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #Depression

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