Depersonalization Disorder

Hello #mighty world. Haven't been in here for a long time. Sorry this is going to be a long post. Just not feeling well right now, so had to write it down to release the tension....
Well, where should I begin? A lot has hppened in one year, since the last time I wrote here. The man I wrote some of my last posts in here is now my husband and I just love him so much. He is incredible and support me in every possible way.
We even started a family. I am now approximately one week away from delivering our baby girl, we really look forward to and hope everything will go well...
Well, the #MentalHealth during #Pregnancy was and still is quite hard. It has been a rollercoaster. But well, in the end I think I managed it much better than I imagined.
My #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder and #Anxiety was manageable despite having nothing to calm myself down with (I am on no medication, and when I was not pregnant I only used to take supplements and teas like Valerian root, Passionflower, Ashwagandha, Curcumin, Ginseng etc... which all helped a lot). Sometimes things were better, sometimes worse. The anxiety about the child its health and safety sometime really overcame me but somehow I managed to stay positive and calm, even when there were some complications.
Anyway, what worsened a lot is my #Claustrophobia . I have came to the point that I am not able to go to the elevator without fear. I am only able to ride it with other people (still scared though!) and with a mobile on, bottle of water and some snack. Btw with mobile, water and snacks I struggle very much daily, I can't go anywhere without those 3 and when I am somewhere without a mobile connection I immediately get #PanicAttacks because I am scared that if I would need help, no help would arrive.
Throughout the pregnancy I am also trying to think or prepare myself in advance for possible #PostpartumDisorders , as with anxiety and OCD I am more prone to struggle with such difficulties after my baby is born. Although I think I already have something like prenatal OCD/anxiety so I am a bit fraid of how things will go.
Sometimes I obsessively worry too much, or have dark thoughts I can't get rid of (OCD telling me some crazy s#!tty stuff) omg and the emotional instability throughout the whole pregnancy is terrible! Sometimes I felt like a terrible mother and a partner, either due to bulls#!ity OCD which was telling me terrible things, or due to sometimes being frustrated and angry about my baby because of sleep deprivation and the pain I suffered from. Well, honestly, for me the pregnancy has been not a very beautiful ride. For me, it is scary, difficult, hard, painful, restless, uncomfortable, unsexy, full of changes you are trying to prepare for, yet it is so hard to adjust... all the romantic ideas I held in my mind about pregnancy just disappeared...
But well here I am, 38+ weeks. The third trimester has hit me very often with depressed mood, demotivation to do anything, tiredness, no joy in life, I often felt like my life just disappeared and I am just surviving, counting down the weeks/days and not living. Also the random crying breakdowns are crazy, crying over every single stupid thing. Obsessing over the things, is this safe for my baby? Is this like really clean, or should I wash it again? And that is the time I need to stop take a deep breath and tell myself it is fine, I am doing just well and everything is just okay...
Yesterday and right now I have also been feeling disconnected like #DepersonalizationDisorder and #DerealizationDisorder has hit me again after a long time. It is scaring me, because I forgot what it feels like and how to handle it....
I am really scared my child will inherit some of my mental health or that I will lose it and won't be able to function, control myself and be a good mom and a wife...

I’ve walked through the void and forgot who I was.
Now I’m slowly remembering.

I’m healing from dissociation, nervous system collapse, and the kind of trauma that breaks your spirit open.

Some days I still feel like a ghost.
But there’s something sacred in this return.
I don’t fully know who I am yet—but I know I’m not who I was.

If you’re rebuilding your soul too, you’re not alone.
#Trauma #DepersonalizationDisorder
#Dissociation #DerealizationDisorder
#PTSD #rebirth
#TraumaHealingJourney
#sacredfeminine
#NervousSystemHealing
#SheWhoReturns
#ReclaimingMyself
#SlowAndSacred
#TenderIsPower

I'm really in need to get out of my depression and out of the feeling that I'm still running as way and just can't handle to get in contact to my innerself. . Fearing depersonalisation but can't remember how I get an normal life #DepersonalizationDisorder
#meltd

Oh gosh. I have been feeling so terrible lately...
Feels like I am going crazy. Existential thoughts. Anxiety. Wanna cry. Worrying about future. Here we go again...
The thing is I fell in love. In my last posts I had a boyfriend about whom I wrote here a few words (he was my first relationship since my divorce - I broke up with my husband more than a year ago) Well, that relationship did not last too long, he broke up with me. But now I feel like I have found the love of my life. And he feels the same which is great.
But still #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder kicks in and have me ruminating. Is he really good? Does he wanna use me? Is he sincere? Etc..... non stop. But I know he loves me and I love him as well. He wants to commit, wants to have kids with me, marry me, travel with me, spend time with me, asks me what bothers me, listens to me...
However, relationships have always been very stressfull for me. The vulnerability is unbelievably scary. I am scared to love, I am scared to commit. But I want to. I am scared of losing myself, scared I will end up hurt again, scared that what if the other will die one day I won't be strong enough to make it. Catastrophizing everything...
In the last two months there was so much to do and I really enjoyed spending time with my bf but I really forgot to do some me time and now it's chasing me. I forgot about Mighty, didn't go to psychotherapy, didn't journal, because I felt like I was okay. I am really sorry for that.
I feel like all the strength and emotional stability I built was destroyed by the hormones, love, excitement etc...
#MentalHealth #Relationships #Anxiety #DepersonalizationDisorder #DerealizationDisorder

Hi, my name is scretladyspider, or you can call me Elle. I'm here because I live with a lot and I felt like I should share some of that with other people who do, too.

#MightyTogether #EatingDisorder #PTSD #ADHD #Depression #Anxiety #DerealizationDisorder #ChronicPain #ChronicIllness #JointHypermobilitySyndrome #BulimiaNervosa #DepersonalizationDisorder #Asthma #Endometriosis

In the quiet chambers of your heart,

Where shadows linger and wounds reside,

You embark on a voyage—a quest for light.

Therapy, your compass, guiding you through the night.

The therapist’s office, a sanctuary of whispers,

Where vulnerability blooms like fragile petals.

You lay bare your soul, unraveling the knots,

As they listen, without judgment, to your life’s plots.

Together, you sift through memories—

The shards of pain, the echoes of trauma.

They hand you tools: resilience, compassion, hope,

To mend the fractured pieces, to help you cope.

Therapy is not weakness; it’s strength unveiled.

It’s the courage to face demons, unafraid.

In the sacred space, tears flow like rain,

Washing away shame, releasing the strain.

You learn to rewrite narratives, reclaim your voice.

To dance with vulnerability, make empowered choices.

The therapist’s gaze mirrors your worth,

As you redefine healing, reclaim your birth.

So, dear seeker of solace, embrace the process.

Each session a stepping stone toward progress.

You are not broken; you’re a mosaic of scars—

A masterpiece in the making, under therapy’s stars.

A Must-Have Journal :

www.amazon.com/My-Therapy-Notes-logbook-sessions/dp/B0CSRM1JVN

#DissociativeIdentityDisorder # #CheckInWithMe #Anxiety #BipolarDisorder #Depression #ADHD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #DepersonalizationDisorder #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder

I learned two things about myself today. Apparently, I have been experiencing Depersonalization / Derealization for a very long time but I didn’t know what it was. I knew I dissociated, but I suddenly started having some strange experiences lately that I have concluded are depersonalization. This has led to discovering that I have experienced many symptoms of both Depersonalization / Derealization for decades. The second thing I learned today, is that, my issues with sleep may not be solely bipolar disorder, but a trauma response. My brain speeds up after a certain point at night, and I think it is hyper vigilant to protect me from the unpredictable behavior of my parents. They threw wild parties and I heard lots of loud yelling, laughing, fighting, music and violence. I never knew what was going to happen. I would lock myself in my bedroom by pushing my dresser up to the door and put a butter knife in the door frame as a makeshift lock. I was afraid of their friends. I needed stuff, but was too afraid to leave my room to get it, lest I draw too much attention to myself. So, I went without, or listened and waited trying to discern a time that I might fly under the radar. The noise was so loud, I couldn’t sleep even if I wanted to. Often, I just ended up putting a pillow over my head, tuning them out, so I could fall asleep and eventually did from exhaustion. My parents both suffered from substance use disorder. I do too, or did anyway. I quit using 6 years ago and quit smoking 2 years ago. Trauma often causes us to ignore its’ symptoms, because we are used to them, don’t think they are symptoms, or that those symptoms aren’t important enough to talk about, or seek treatment for.