I have Derealization Disorder, but Idk where it came from. I don't have any past trauma that could've triggered it. It started 6 years ago randomly and I get random episodes everywhere. I realized that some triggerslare loud spaces, the transition from a loud room to a quiet room, small crowded spaces, the heat, the dark, loud/heavy bass music, flashing lights. It's just an overstimulation for my brain. Whenever a friend is with me I always feel like it's them who doesn't feel real and I hv to compare their presence to everything in the room that I know haven't changed or moved. I know that everything is real, but it just doesn't FEEL real. Another way I describe it is that a chunk of time was taken out of my reality so that every touch, thought, word, feeling, smell was just taken out and made to feel like it was a dream and didn't actually happen. Almost like how alternate universes work I guess. Nothing helps to make it go away. Sometimes I get the weird feeling and I try to purposely trigger it by going somewhere quiet or by myself and then the fact that it wasn't real hits me. Occasionally I'll have panic attacks but those are less common. No one can tell that it has happened or is happening unless I show it or tell them. I'll sometimes start crying because its so scary to think that someone that happens didn't and wasn't real even though you know that it is. I met someone who has this disorder too and that has been so amazing, because finally someone gets it. No matter how much u try to explain it to someone else, they'll never understand. I've gone to many doctors and had so many tests like a Ct scan, two EEGS, EKG, biofeedback, medication, cardiologist, ENT, eye doctor, and multiple neurologists. It's hard because u can't see it on a screen. I know that I'm not faking it and so does my mom and doctor, but that makes it even harder to diagnose and treat. Laying down makes it worse and nothing helps or makes it go away faster. I just have to let it run its course. I know that having someone with me won't help, but I just like to hv someone there sometimes and usually we talk abt something else or we'll talk abt it if I want to or if they have questions. I always get it at school or with friends. Whenever I'm at home I don't get it, because its quiet at home and nothing is loud. When I was in high school, I'd leave my loud classroom or cafeteria and go to the bathroom and I would be terrified of two things. I'd go back and.. 1. No one is there, 2. No one knows what happened. I don't do certain activities, because I know that it will get triggered and I don't need to be putting my body through extra stimulation that isn't necessary. However, I don't let it run my life, so I'll still go out with friends in the dark or somewhere loud and I usually just ignore the feeling like I did for the first 5 years. I don't want it to hold me back from doing things, even though it does sometimes. I just want it to be gone. I hate feeling like this so much.
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