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Pregnancy and mental health just my random thoughts
Hello #mighty world. Haven't been in here for a long time. Sorry this is going to be a long post. Just not feeling well right now, so had to write it down to release the tension....
Well, where should I begin? A lot has hppened in one year, since the last time I wrote here. The man I wrote some of my last posts in here is now my husband and I just love him so much. He is incredible and support me in every possible way.
We even started a family. I am now approximately one week away from delivering our baby girl, we really look forward to and hope everything will go well...
Well, the #MentalHealth during #Pregnancy was and still is quite hard. It has been a rollercoaster. But well, in the end I think I managed it much better than I imagined.
My #ObsessiveCompulsiveDisorder and #Anxiety was manageable despite having nothing to calm myself down with (I am on no medication, and when I was not pregnant I only used to take supplements and teas like Valerian root, Passionflower, Ashwagandha, Curcumin, Ginseng etc... which all helped a lot). Sometimes things were better, sometimes worse. The anxiety about the child its health and safety sometime really overcame me but somehow I managed to stay positive and calm, even when there were some complications.
Anyway, what worsened a lot is my #Claustrophobia . I have came to the point that I am not able to go to the elevator without fear. I am only able to ride it with other people (still scared though!) and with a mobile on, bottle of water and some snack. Btw with mobile, water and snacks I struggle very much daily, I can't go anywhere without those 3 and when I am somewhere without a mobile connection I immediately get #PanicAttacks because I am scared that if I would need help, no help would arrive.
Throughout the pregnancy I am also trying to think or prepare myself in advance for possible #PostpartumDisorders , as with anxiety and OCD I am more prone to struggle with such difficulties after my baby is born. Although I think I already have something like prenatal OCD/anxiety so I am a bit fraid of how things will go.
Sometimes I obsessively worry too much, or have dark thoughts I can't get rid of (OCD telling me some crazy s#!tty stuff) omg and the emotional instability throughout the whole pregnancy is terrible! Sometimes I felt like a terrible mother and a partner, either due to bulls#!ity OCD which was telling me terrible things, or due to sometimes being frustrated and angry about my baby because of sleep deprivation and the pain I suffered from. Well, honestly, for me the pregnancy has been not a very beautiful ride. For me, it is scary, difficult, hard, painful, restless, uncomfortable, unsexy, full of changes you are trying to prepare for, yet it is so hard to adjust... all the romantic ideas I held in my mind about pregnancy just disappeared...
But well here I am, 38+ weeks. The third trimester has hit me very often with depressed mood, demotivation to do anything, tiredness, no joy in life, I often felt like my life just disappeared and I am just surviving, counting down the weeks/days and not living. Also the random crying breakdowns are crazy, crying over every single stupid thing. Obsessing over the things, is this safe for my baby? Is this like really clean, or should I wash it again? And that is the time I need to stop take a deep breath and tell myself it is fine, I am doing just well and everything is just okay...
Yesterday and right now I have also been feeling disconnected like #DepersonalizationDisorder and #DerealizationDisorder has hit me again after a long time. It is scaring me, because I forgot what it feels like and how to handle it....
I am really scared my child will inherit some of my mental health or that I will lose it and won't be able to function, control myself and be a good mom and a wife...
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