Donetrying

I don’t matter in this world.... I have nothing else to say but that. why keep going? #Donetrying

Happy New Year Everyone. I just need to vent and I hope it helps b/c I honestly can't anymore. During the last week of December, I got married! That was the biggest thing I have ever done in my life. Something I thought would never happen. He is an amazing man. For some reason and I really can't stop it this time. My depression is kicking in full force. It won't go away. I have tried everything that I normally do when I am depressed but this time nothing is working. After work I went to work out, Let off some negative energy that I have from work and just life. After sat in my car, I cried and told my new husband I wanted to die. Why am I alive? I work hard and my co-workers could give 2 shits. People that I trusted turned their backs on me b/c I am married. My Family is pulling me in every direction. My husband is getting screwed over at work and I'm scared he's going to lose his job. I feel like I am in a glass tank that just keeps filling with water and the water is at the top. I ran out of air. I want to stop fighting, stop moving, just let go. I just can't. I can't leave him, I can't do this to my family. God has been sending him home before I get there. I don't trust myself alone. Today I walked into work and I am invisible. I am standing in front of a person, say "Good Morning'' and they ignore me. One of my friends texted me and I haven't texted back. I am closing myself off from the world b/c the world makes me feel like I am no one. I am useless, I am nothing. I started praying again to see if someone can hear me and I am begging for someone to take this feeling away. Remove the darkness from me. I feel like no one is listening. I have gone to speak to someone but they don't help much. The lady just questions everything and I just want to talk. I can't breathe anymore. I can't think anymore. I am just giving up. Maybe I should. Just give up. I am afraid of having a child and they feel this way. I am begging for help. Help is nowhere to be found. I just need someone to explain this to me. Tell me how to breathe again and to make it all stop. I don't want to die. But this darkness makes me feel like it will make it all better. Sorry to have wasted anyone's time. As I said, I'm venting.

I feel so alone. Ignored. Im so tired of fighting right now. Wish I could just disappear. I don't want to feel anymore. I wish I could be done with it all.

I have been waiting all my life but it seems like it will never end. Due to recent events I got confirmation that no body truly cares just like I always knew. This my last post here. This place is great but support just doesn’t work for me. See you guys in the next life. Because after all, nobody cares until it is to late. #Suicide #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #quietborderline #MentalHealth #MentalHealth #Donetrying

The thing is, I want to die. I am ready to stop doing all of this. I read something like “I don’t want to die; but I don’t know how to live” and that’s just not me. I do want to die. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings or let them down, but I almost don’t care about that anymore. How hard should I have to try to want to live. Because I am putting in a lot of effort and I still don’t want to. It’s not helping, and even if at some point it does, I am just going to be back here again. #Suicide #Depression #Anxiety #givingup #Selfharm

#Screwup #Sigh #alone #Donetrying #failure #Anxiety #darkness