Dontpunishpain

(cw: opioid forced taper, chronic pain)

I'm a writer/poet and I mentioned to my therapist (for medical PTSD) that I wanted to practice doing spoken word poetry but was having a hard time coming up with a topic. She recommended I write what's been bothering me the most in healthcare right now. The following snarkiness is what flowed out. I don't intend to ever use this for anything other than practice but, being the perfectionist that I am, I thought I'd share it here to get some feedback. Anything else I should add? TIA

...

Dear doctors,

I must refuse your
(rather smugly satisfied)
congratulations for
"getting off opiates"
since this decision
was made without me.

Rather, this course of (non)treatment
was built upon
political maneuvers
scapegoating
pain patients
in 10-second sound bites
on the evening news
(because adding "illicit-" to "opioid epidemic" is just too long).

Guidelines misapplied
and revoked
still have life
when bolstered by
misunderstood
and misapplied science
(and a few outright lies);
then fulfilled by
frightened doctors
trying to help patients
without blowing up
their healthcare careers
in a political minefield.

What success is it that you see?

Stealing my pain relief
was successful
in a noticable increase
in number of days spent
unable to get out of bed
and number of nights spent
staring at the ceiling
hoping I'll die before I awaken
to another day
in
this
much
pain.

It's been successful
in making my loved ones
victims of angry outbursts
and cancelled plans.

It's excelled
in rapidly increasing
• sleepless nights (check)
• brain fog (check)
• memory loss (check)

It has successfully
morphed my life
from sort of OK
to more difficult than liveable
with frequent moments of impossible.

And it has had
wildly successful gains
(if you're talking about weight).

If the true measure of achievement
is counted in teardrops
then I really am
the pinnacle of success.

...

#MightyPoets #PTSD #MedicalPtsd #Opiods #OpioidStigma #Opiodsforchronicpain #Dontpunishpain

I wake up most mornings if I haven't already awakened in the middle of the night with painsomnia. I wake up feeling sick. I wake up feeling like I have the Flu. The muscle aches, the chills or sweats, and the sore eyes and the headache. But I don't have the flu. I just feel like it. I do have #Fibromyalgia and #EDS #sjogrens and #dyautonomia but I feel like I have the flu pretty much all of the time. I have nausea, gut aches and pains. And my joints, all of them, feel like acid burning and stalagmites, and I can't get warm enough or I can't get cool enough. And I wake up with rashes I didn't go to bed with. And rashes or blisters I had when I was going to sleep have disappeared. I'd think I was losing my mind if I hadn't taken pictures of these things.

My joints go out more than I do and they go out at night quite often. I awaken and take an inventory of where my ankle is, and wonder if my knee will be where I left it. And it is anyones guess if my hips will be in place or will have slid just enough out of joint to render me in even more pain that my baseline and render my bedrest until I can coax them to get back into alignment by gentle rolling or by pushing them where they need to go. And I hope I don't do damage to cartilage or tendons; it really isn't possible to do any more damage to my ligaments, because they are already like silly string already.

And I drink water by the Litre. And I'm nauseated and hungry all at the same time. And foods don't always taste good and everything I eat causes abdominal pain; my gut all over hurts. I can drink water without pain. Propel hurts. Simple boiled rice hurts. Mashed potatoes hurt. Applesauce hurts. Bananas hurt. Crackers hurt. Grilled peanut butter sandwiches, my comfort food, hurts. And the nausea remains and washes over me with sweats and chills and I'm drenched in sweats from the tip of my toes to the top of my head and everywhere in between. And fruit hurts. And salads hurt. Yes, everything I eat hurts except for water. And so i try to eat things that hurt me less. So, i don't eat fried foods. I don't eat fast food. I can no longer drink coffee and take some solace in a cup of tea.

MyPainPointOfView