Doubts

I’ve been reading a lot of posts about telling everyone about your abuse story. Telling your truth. It will help to heal you! A year ago I went through a trial against my sexual abuser, my father. I lost! It was a terrible experience! I felt retraumatized and angry. Once the Defense Attorney started the cross examinations and witnesses were brought in, that was itYou could see it in the jury’s eyes. I didn’t stand a chance. So much for telling my truth. Worst of all was the doubt in my husbands eyes and his family. Our relationship is forever changed. Has anyone else been through a similar experience? I’ve heard , You told your truth, it doesn’t matter what people think, but unfortunately it does matter. I would love to hear from anyone who like me, it didn’t work out and now you’re living with the consequences of TELLING! #sexual Abuse. #Doubts #help

I’m so anxious about the upcoming trial. How do you prepare for this! Will I be believable.? Will my husband support me through this ordeal? How will I deal with a not guilty verdict or a guilty verdict? All these thoughts and many more keep me awake at night and fill me with dread. I’m diagnosed with bipolar 1 and BPD. The stress of this trial is not helping my mental health symptoms. I’m manic, and anxious! #mental Health #anxious #Doubts

2:38 am and I'm wide awake. Thoughts swarming, worries and fears in the air, depression really hits me in the night time the hardest. I usually sleep by 1:00 but every time I'm awake longer than that I don't sleep at all. I Have a new trend I thought I'd share in case it's of help to someone else. Now, when I can't sleep I go watch the sunrise, the most beautiful part of the day, calm, quiet, silent, and beautiful. Gets Me motivated for the day, gets me feeling optimistic. There's always light in darkness and nights like this feel hopeless until I made the decision to go watch the sunrise.
#Depression #Anxiety #Trauma #Fear #worries #Doubts #Flashbacks #regrets #OnedayAtaTime #Reflection #Beauty