Reflection

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    Its been almost a year since I banished her out of my life.
    I cast her out like she was discarded rubbish. I often wonder if she deserved that.

    Was it really that bad? Was she really that bad?

    I miss her. I miss the comfort she bought. I miss her presence. The way she made me feel so in tune with my body. How she intensified every emotion I felt.
    I dont want her back. She was destructive. She broke my soul with her venomous words, her twisted dreams & poisonous thoughts. I was broken when she was near.
    But, I loved her. I needed her. I still need her. Without her I am not whole. Now she is gone a part of me feels lost, trapped in a bleak void forever falling further and further away from me.
    The world seems scary without her. I'm not sure who I am or where I belong. Life is less colourful & more stagnant somehow.
    I want to reach out to her, feel the bitter sting of her impact on my life once more.
    I want to know that she is ok.

    But, I know that she is ok. For she is my PMDD alter ego. I am her and she is me.

    #PMDD #PremenstrualDysphoricDisorder #hormonesensitivity #MenstrationMatters #WomensHealth #mentalhealthmatters #menopause #PMDDthoughts #MentalHealth

    Community Voices

    A drop of water in a stream is never the exact same drop, in the exact same place, more than once.

    <p>A drop of water in a stream is never the exact same drop, in the exact same place, more than once.</p>
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    Community Voices

    Talk About It Tuesday: 2021 Year End Reflections

    <p>Talk About It Tuesday: 2021 Year End Reflections</p>
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    Community Voices

    Todays post is called reflection. Growing up with Cerebral Palsy I always tried to reflect on the positive things about it instead of the negative things about it.As I sit down at my desk writing this I'm reflecting on all the things that I've accomplished over the years and I gotta say that its a lot to be proud of. I never thought that I would ever get to a point in my life where I can actually say that I'm getting back to my old self again and let me tell you it feels so good. I'm looking so forward to the holiday and just being with friends and family. Final. thought always reflect on the positive.

    #CerebralPalsy

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    Community Voices
    Community Voices

    #Dissociation #Depression #Reflection

    I went out to dinner tonight with a close friend at a trendy ramen restaurant in my city. Everyone there looked dressed up, cool, talkative, confident. I think I looked like that too.

    But inwardly, I have no clue where I am anymore. I feel like an emptiness is growing in me. I remember how I used to see myself.

    In a spiritual world, maybe I am loosing my ego, and maybe I am seeing all the falsehoods of my self. But still, why do I feel like I am not blossoming? Why do I feel like my light is fading? Why do I feel like my brain doesn't want to work like it used to?

    I used to be really enthusiastic, open-minded, curious. But things have transpired and I can't find my way back.

    I am actually at the point I don't even want to have upward highs of feeling good, because I know that when I get home or the next day, this numb, dissociated, disconnected feeling is going to come back.

    I am thinking about seeing a psychiatrist, and looking into getting on antidepressants. I am actually scared to. But I need help to get my life going and feel consisently good for a period of time.

    3 people are talking about this
    Community Voices

    As I'm sitting at my desk writing this on my iMac. I'm taking the time to also reflect on what my Cerebral Palsy means to me.Over the years with Cerebral Palsy I've had to overcome many obstacles like learning how to walk with crutches aka my sticks and that's ok with me. I say it that way because many children and adults with Cerebral Palsy don't ever get the opportunity to experience crutches like I have. I'm 45 years of age soon to be 46 and I still can't get over the fact that I'm still standing that for me is a miracle in and of itself.I consider myself to be one of the lucky ones and I will never in my lifetime never think why me and I will never stop reflecting on what Cerebral palsy has meant to me.

    #CerebralPalsy

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    Community Voices
    A

    Like attracts like

    So I recently became friends with someone. Over time I’ve slowly got to know them, and last week found out they too suffer from chronic pain!

    I have never met another YA that suffers from chronic pain but many older people, so I imagine the rate is fairly low. So I guess it’s as they say: like attracts like.

    Life update:
    Can’t remember if I said before, but I have a new job. It’s quite hard work, but thankfully my back has been okay.

    To be honest, my back is okay most the time these days, but I don’t know if it’s just the case of being so used to the pain that I don’t notice low-level pain anymore.

    Though I keep getting reminded how my life has changed because of chronic pain.

    I’ve been thinking about going to the gym and doing exercises at home, but my brain reminds me I can’t do as much as everyone else can, because it sets off the pain and there’s only so much of it that I can take.

    And when I was visiting my friend, I saw them run up the stairs and it hit me that I don’t/ can’t do that anymore. Quick movements set off the pain, and I get scared of tripping and injuring myself again (traumatic response). I never quite realised until that day.

    Don’t take any of this the wrong way though, I’m not feeling sorry for myself at all. There is *so* much I can still do and the fact I can lead a relatively normal life is a blessing I never deserved but try to make the most of. And what caused the pain should have left me dead or at the very least paralysed, and it didn’t.

    The pain I live with, the memories of being in resus and not being able to move much, the difficulties as a result of the injuries I suffered, they make me grateful and have taught me so much.

    #ChronicPain #LivingWithChronicPain #Pain #Memories #Trauma #Reflection #Stronger #Blessed

    Community Voices

    Does anyone love seeing how things are reflected on water?

    <p>Does anyone love seeing how things are reflected on water?</p>
    Community Voices

    With everything going on in the world, I find myself searching for what it is I stand for and where I fit amidst the chaos. I realize I’m being entirely true to who I am, finding peace in my missteps, appreciating the journey I’ve taken (no matter how short or far or how many times) and being humble in facing my truth...these are the only ways to be truly content and available to others.

    Create Tradition. Live Memories. Love Wholly

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