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    When the doctor tells you to lose weight, technically this is compliance!

    Ready for my dye-it! Bring it on! #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #EatingDisorders #TraumaticBrainInjury #ECT #MightyTogether #Childhoodtrauma #LGBTQIA #KetamineTreatment

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    Just a friendly reminder about social media and mainstream media.

    Not everything is at it seems. Don’t compare your life to the EDITED version of theirs! Here’s to keeping it real! #MajorDepressiveDisorder #Anxiety #ComplexPosttraumaticStressDisorder #EatingDisorders #TraumaticBrainInjury #ECT #LGBTQIA #MightyTogether #KetamineTreatment

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    I had ect 20 years ago inow have bad memory i am schizoaffective and get shots monthly trinza now should last 3 months i am getting very emotional now i might have to get another one next month now my last one was dec 2 anyone else having problems this time of year

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    Sharp feelings.. #EatingDisorders #EatingDisorderRecovery #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #PTSD #AnorexiaNervosa #BingeEatingDisorder

    I have a big thing with memory and memories. I had #ECT and I believe I have trauma from it. It’s one of those memories that gives sharp feelings, from the bits I do remember.

    Sharp feelings are what I get with the majority of things. Sharp happiness, sadness, anger, etc. I get rushes and strong feelings that can arrive all of a sudden. I work on regulating my emotions 24/7. I work on dulling some of the sharpness, so that I don’t have as painful of reactions.

    I am incredibly triggered, which has filled me with sharp feelings and memory flooding. All of my mental dams break seemingly at once. I have to catch myself before I react in behaviors.

    I want to be happy. I want to look at photos and have them fill me with joy. They do for a split second, I believe. Though it has to be like 0.00001 of a second.

    I saw photos of me from a time that I was very sick, but everyone was so happy with me and how I looked. I finally liked me, but that feeling of liking myself would come in sharp bursts randomly. I had more bursts of extreme love for my looks that would crash almost as quickly as the joy I mentioned earlier.

    The downside was when I didn’t have the random sharp bursts of good, I had long periods of confusion, self hatred, and extreme sadness. In the majority of time, I hated myself and couldn’t see what I truly looked like. When the bursts of happy came I saw one thing in the mirror but it would disappear as soon as I would recongnize that I was happy with my looks.

    The mental gymnastics happen in fractions of a second. It’s peaks and pits constantly. It’s so draining that it takes your life. It does it as slow and painfully as possible, so why do I want it like someone wants drugs?

    My stepdad found photos from my moms old iPad. They were of me dressed up for my Grandfathers wedding, and others were of me all dressed up before prom. I have not seen these photos since they were taken, or shortly thereafter.

    I see them and am in shock at what I looked like. The feeling of seeing myself in these photos vs. what I remember thinking I looked like. I can’t even begin to explain..

    I want it back. I want to look like that again so bad I could scream, but I know better. In February 2023 it’ll be 10 years since my college friends gave me a very traumatic (but probably life saving) intervention and told the college. February 2013 was when I first got any help for my eating disorder.

    I can’t let the anger I feel due to people not believing I have an eating disorder anymore (due to weight gain and RECOVERY), ruin me.

    I cannot go backwards because of those photos. I need to change the narrative.

    You know, people REALLY underestimate the mental power we exude just to live minute to minute staying on the right track.

    Boy am I tired.

    7 reactions 2 comments

    #ECT for #BipolarDepression

    I have been struggling with #BipolarDepression for several years now. I am seeking treatment in a psychiatric hospital and they have suggested #ECT . The doctors make it out to be a magic bullet for treating the depression but I am skeptical. I have tried it in the past but I got panic attacks and wasn’t able to get through a full course of treatment. Now they want me to do 12-18 sessions which feels like a lot.

    Is there anyone here with actual experience with #ECT ? I already know what the doctors say but I’d like to hear from people who have done it themselves.

    16 reactions 8 comments

    ECT brain

    Hi all, I’m reaching out because I don’t know anyone irl that has also had ECT, and I have no one to compare notes with. I had 20+ treatments almost 2 years ago and I feel like a different person cognitively. I feel like I’ll never be able to be a “functioning adult” again. Multitasking is literally impossible and I get super overwhelmed with pretty much everything that’s expected of me, and I’m having trouble making new memories. For a while that was all small potatoes, because I was actually happy, or at least not depressed, and it was amazing. But now I’m going through a funk, and I’m noticing the cognitive stuff more than ever. Can anyone out there share your experiences with ECT? Does the brain fog ever lift? #ECT


    MAOI & Low Tyramine Diet

    MAOI & Low Tyramine Diet

    I’m exhausted. I’m 60 and sick and tired of battling to stay alive to fight another day of this depression.

    I’ve been on every anti-depressant, years of ECT in which I was one of the rare ones who had lost all of my memories, so many psychiatric hospital stays, suicide attempts and because nothing is left to try, now on an MAOI, parnate which is only given for treatment resistant depression.

    My psychiatrist really wants me to try ketamine but it cost $5,380 here in British Columbia and only helps for a year.

    My anxiety, agoraphobia and chronic pain which I’ve learned is neuroplastic are part of my life.

    I use the apps Headspace for meditation, Curable for neuroplastic chronic pain and learning to retrain the brain there is nothing structurally wrong with my body, Eat Right Now for my binging and just yesterday was told about Most Days for helping to build routines with mental illness. My doctor, psychiatrist and dietician all wanted me to use these apps as they felt it would help. They are really good but do leave me feeling overwhelmed.

    I’m also struggling with survivors guilt that I’m alive while my 5 yr old grandson was killed by a falling tree Aug 18, 2020. That day I was preparing to go into hospital as I was so suicidal. I promised myself I’d get better and healthy in his memory, but that hasn’t happened so now I carry guilt and shame that I couldn’t fight this depression even for my him.

    Being on parnate, I have to eat a low tyramine diet which is so restrictive. Not knowing, my binging was out of control eating so much unhealthy food, the result being they were all high tyramine and broke down the enzymes of the parnate making it less effective.

    No wonder I was still so depressed. Finally made sense as I’d been on the maximum dose of parnate for a couple weeks and was worsening.

    I’m now with a dietician who is helping me eat “safe” foods. She’s really understanding of depression and my lack of energy so for now, my 3 meals are simple and quick to make.

    There is so much conflicting information on the internet about low tyramine diets so it’s been very frustrating.

    Is anyone here taking an MAOI and on a low tyramine diet? #Parnate #MAOI #lowtyraminediet Treatmentresistantdepression #TRD #ECT

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    Thoughts after Therapy… #PTSD #Anxiety #Trauma #ECT

    I am no longer apologizing for my feelings. I am no longer apologizing for how big my feelings are.

    My brain is different. I accept that my brain is different. I love that my brain was and is so strong to keep me alive through out all of the years and years of trauma, stalking, and abuse.

    My brain was smart enough to keep me from being killed by certain men. My beautiful brain gave me an escape route and was so alert to protect me and let me know when a bad person was around. My beautiful brain gave me options and plans of escape or how to hide in plain sight.

    When I was younger I learned how to be dead and alive at the same time. My brain kept me safe. My brain always kept me steps ahead so I could hide or get out before anyone knew I was there. When I was very young I used to think I had the superpower of being asleep and awake at the same time, now I know it was my beautiful brain keeping me alert and safe.

    My brain kept me company during all of the times in my childhood through now, during such painful earth shattering times, where I felt so alone.

    My brain kept me company when I was alone. When I was left to pick myself up, bandage myself, and keep going.

    My brain kept me company when I screamed for people to help me but no one could hear.

    So now that,

    “I don’t need these coping mechanisms. They do not suit me anymore, I am safe” …

    The “superpowers” I have won’t shut off. My brain still is in survival mode, since infancy.

    Survival mode takes such a drastic toll on your body. And what I have to do, is still love my brain and self. I do not need to apologize for how big my feelings are. I check myself, I don’t harm others, I don’t spew words out of hatred, so I am no longer apologizing for anyone else’s inability to cope with the discomfort that comes with my story. I won’t apologize for the side effects left due to my survival.

    I have to show myself patience and grace. I have to slow down and give myself what I haven’t gotten.

    My beautiful brain kept me safe, now it’s my turn to return the favor.

    1 reaction 5 comments