Favouriteperson

Today I finally had the courage to go to my storage unit and get all the drawings and paintings that I made for him. I also took out the bracelet with "RAWR" ingraved. We had this dinosaur joke going on between us.

I have torn up everything and throw it all away. It didn't go without tears. But it gives some kind of closure knowing that I'll never see these things again.

It's finally a goodbye to my favourite person. To the love of my life. It's time for me to move on and take better care of myself. I can finally rediscover myself. I can finally find out what life has to offer.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Love #AbusiveRelationship #Relationships #Favouriteperson

I should preface this thought by saying that I have put in the time and effort to try and live alongside my BPD to the best of my ability, and I can see and feel how much better I handle my disorder because I’ve done the hard work.

So I’m aware that I have a new FP. I’ve been good friends with him for years, but in the past couple of months I’ve noticed that my attachment to him has become a lot stronger, so I came to the conclusion that he has reached FP status.

Here’s where my interesting observation kicks in.

I had an issue with him, and I calmly brought it to his attention, and he apologised and took accountability for his actions. I told him that I would need time to heal and he understood. No uncontrollable outburst of anger. No intense crying. Nothing. Just a calm conversation between two parties that ended in an agreeable resolution. And we came back together eventually with no further issue.

My FP recently moved to a different country. He lived on the other side of the country to me, so there shouldn’t have been much difference because it’s not like I physically saw him all the time anyway. But it was the physical act of moving further away from me and creating a distance that triggered my abandonment issues. Once again, no uncontrollable outburst of anger or crying. Instead, I took some time to gather my emotions and process what I was feeling, and then I told him how I felt and why I felt. He completely validated my feelings and understood why I was upset by the move.

Even now, he’s read my latest message to him but hasn’t replied. But I’m actually fine with it. I understand that he’s got things going on, especially with his move, so I’m not crying about not receiving a reply.

I have established such a healthy relationship with my favourite person that it’s almost giving me anxiety how well we’re doing. I’m actually so confused by this healthy relationship that I thought “what if he isn’t my FP” because I am so used to the toxic, unhealthy relationships like with my former FP’s. I know I’ve put in the work to be the best Borderline Barbie I can, so maybe I should just be grateful that I have such a great relationship with my FP.

Has anyone else had a scarily healthy relationship with their favourite person? I really want to hear your stories about this.

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson #Fp #MentalHealth

It's been raining quite a lot these days. I hate this weather, makes me feel empty and bland. My FP moved to a different city last week, so that's been messing with me even harder. And to make it worse, my constant calls and texts about every minute details of my day exceeded a point where - I started feeling neglected and they started feeling annoyed (busy with work). They asked for a break but i sent them a reel the very next day (out of habit).
THEN, I don't know what corner of my mind got fired up and started bombarding them with 'my emotional intimacy is not being met'. Their solution to that was - 1 hour of intimate talks over call/facetime every Monday. That shattered me, i felt like i was being given affection just to shut me up or stop my naggy, clingy behaviour. I kept texting them alternatives to help me not feel that way and was told to stop pushing it on them, resulting in another, more strongly put up, break. I don't know how long it will be, i don't know in what direction it's heading. I hate how depended i have gotten on my FPs affection to feel something good or have a happy day. I want to learn how to make healthier boundaries. I want to learn how to be happy with myself by myself...
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson #Anxiety

I'm having issues with getting too attached to people, even when I think I'm not.

I suppose I do tend to "favourite" certain people. It's not fun.

They usually tend to be very emotionally unavailable.

If someone tells me that they're busy all the time, it makes me think I'm a nuisance and should just leave them alone.

I have minor examples of "splitting" them as well.

I don't usually lash out, but I say very passive-aggressive things that I later regret. It's always rooted in me feeling like I'm an annoyance.

I just came out of a very strong anxious attachment to someone earlier in the year.

I wouldn't wish it on anyone. The lows are so agonizing that the highs aren't worth the pain.

#DependentPersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #Anxiousattachment #FearOfAbandonment #personalitydisorder #Favouriteperson

I try really hard to better myself and not inflict my unstable emotions onto other people. I’ve learnt not to react instantly and for the most part, have healthier and longer lasting relationships with people. However, internally I am still fighting the battle. The way my mood can switch because of one tiny thing when my FP is concerned is so hard to deal with. I was with them the other day when they said something and I felt my chest sink but I pretended I was fine, because for most other people they wouldn’t have even thought twice about what they said. But I’m glad I can keep it to myself these days because it does allow for healthier relationships! However, how do I help myself with the internal thoughts?

Having an FP still eats me alive whether I show that or not. I’m sick of having thoughts about whether they’re going to leave me or not. I’m sick of splitting on them for no reason. I’m sick of feeling like shit because I have an FP. Does anyone have any advice on what I could do to stop all the horrible thoughts and feelings? Or to stop letting them consume me so much? I can rationalise them mostly. For example “they’re going to abandon me” I’ll hit back with something like “no they’re not they’re just busy and will reply soon” but I still can’t help but believe they’re ignoring me because they hate me and want to cut me off.
I know there is never going to be a simple and easy solution to this. I’m not even looking for a solution. Just if anyone had any tips or advice on how to better manage intense feelings caused by having an FP. Or any advice on how to quicker move on from negative emotions! I have a habit of allowing my negative emotions to hang around a bit too long.
I don’t think I’ve written this very well but hopefully makes some kind of sense. I appreciate there will never be an easy or quick fix but any help and advice would be really appreciated!!
#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Favouriteperson

I have a genuine question, has anyone who has had this “favourite person” obsession for a variety of people over some time (as in not just one FP for years) ever got to the point when they do not have one anymore, ever? I get them so frequently and I can’t keep doing it. The answer to this will help me to figure out what therapy I’m gonna have. Tia #Favouriteperson

Has anyone noticed a recurring criteria for their FP? Is it always a male or always a female? Is it always a platonic relationship or always an intimate relationship?

For me, my favourite person is always a male whom I have a platonic relationship with. Prior to getting my diagnosis I was led to believe that I had a romantic interest in my FP because of the strong, intense feelings I had for them, but after receiving my diagnosis and gaining a better understanding of it, I came to realise that they were always platonic relationships.

From what I’ve gathered, my FP is always a platonic male because my abandonment issues have been instilled in me since I was a kid from my father. And I was just wondering if anyone else had any big realisations like this?

#BPD #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Fp #Favouriteperson

My boy. That’s what I had started calling him without consciously realising. When I’d greet him I’d say “how are you my boy.” When I’d humble-brag about him and his talents, I’d point at him proudly and say “that’s my boy”.

It feels like it’s been forever since my favourite person decided that his life would be better without me in it. But in reality it’s been two days.

I don’t and won’t blame him. For the past two months, our seemingly unbreakable relationship had become rocky because my BPD had reared its ugly head. Ultimately it was too much for him to handle. It got to the point where he’d get anxious if he was going to an event he knew I’d be at because he didn’t know which version of me he was getting.

I took for granted the time we spent together, especially in the last two months. Every minute, hour and day I’d be “angry” with him because I couldn’t understand the whirring emotions spinning around in my head.

I wish I could tell him one more time how much he means to me.

I wish I could tell him that simply being around him were always the greatest moments for me. We could be sitting next to each other, not saying a word, and I would be completely content. Underneath the rapid mood swings and the emotional outbursts, I was always happy when I was with you my boy, and I’m sorry if I ever made you feel any different.

He was my safe house. My place to go when I needed security. In life I’m always seeking refuge; a safe place to be who I am, and my boy you were that for me. I would secretly love how your ears would prick up if you ever heard that I was facing even the slightest bit of trouble or distress, and you’d go far and beyond to make sure I was okay and I was safe. My biggest protector.

I’m going to miss all the small things he did to reassure me. Like when I’d put my arm around his and he’d squeeze it, as if telling me that he’s got me, he’s with me, and he’s not abandoning me. Or when he’d hug me just a little longer and just a little tighter than usual when he knew I needed it.

It was always us. N+R. R+N.

He wasn’t perfect. By no means was he ever perfect. He was flawed, just like me, just like everyone is. But he managed to point out my flaws and turn them into my strengths.

I’ve always wanted to elevate him and make him be the best man he could be so the world can see the wonderful man that I always saw. And if he can’t do that with me by his side, then I guess I’ll just have to do what they always say… if you love someone, let them go.

I feel him slipping away into a dark nothingness, and no matter how much I reach out to grab him, I won’t find him.

These days blend into a never ending cycle of sleep, eat, shower, repeat without you my boy.

It’s hard to live without you in my life my boy, but if you are out there living your best worry-free life, then I will try my best. I’ll try.

#BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #BPD #Favouriteperson #Fp #MentalHealth

I’m really struggling with my FP right now. The dynamic of our relationship is changing and it’s throwing me off big time. I’m in a bad depressive episode and my anxiety is crazy. I hate change and I feel fear he’s going to abandon me. #BorderlinePersonalityDisorder #Anxiety #Favouriteperson