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The start

So I started my treatment plan today. I was expecting to feel differently to the way I do if I'm honest. I thought I would feel much worse. But actually, I feel OK 😌. It is obviously the first day of the rest of my life, but I feel much more liberated. Fingers crossed everything keeps going well, or better than planned.
#firstday #BPD #positivementalattitude


First day of school.

Hi everyone! It's the first day of school for me and I'm absolutely dreading it. I feel like I can't breathe and my chest is just throbbing. I don't have to go on zoom until 9:15, but every second until then seems like eternal torture of just fears and things that can go wrong running through my head. Anyways, please wish me luck! Also, good luck to anyone who is going through the same thing today! Have a great day!!!
#Anxiety #Depression #firstday #CheerMeOn

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🤞🏼🌞✨ New job ; training day ✨🌞🤞🏼

Hey guys,
So I think I posted about this last night but I started my new job today!
I woke up this morning, and I survived my ‘nearly’ panic attack. I tossed and turned all night, I didn’t even feel nervous/anxious but the physical symptoms were showing. I was up every few hours going to the toilet because I had an upset stomach.

When I eventually woke up properly and got out of bed, I went to the toilet again... and I felt incredibly sick like I described in one of my last points, and my heart was beating out of my chest almost like I was going to die. But... although this happened, I rode it out like a BOSS! I didn’t panic about it, I didn’t think too much about it. I literally got myself together and pushed every single emotion I was feeling into a little ball, crushed it with my mind & said to myself:
“No Katie, stop it. Why are you even feeling like this? You know it’s going to be fine, and you know once you’ve walked out that door, you’re going to feel like a boss ass bitch. So snap out of it, get out of your pjs and start getting ready. Today is the first day of the rest of your life & you’re gonna do it right this time”.
So that’s what I did. I followed my own advice before it got first, probably for the first time ever, and it worked. I managed to snap myself out of it before it got worse.
And you know what? I had a fucking brilliant day. And I’m swearing because I’m emphasising on how proud I am of myself. I didn’t think I’d be able to do it but god damn, I did it! I’ve just gotta keep this up and remember I’m doing this for me and my other half, to give us the best chance possible. And I am no longer letting my mental health define me. I will get better again. And I’m surviving every single day; only now I’m making sure I do everything I can to survive.

The only way is up from here 🌺
Stay safe guys, you can do it • you can do anything. ❤️

Katie x

#TheMighty #MightyTogether #Depression #Anxiety #AnxietyAttack #PanicAttack #MentalHealth #Newjob #firstday


Opening up for the first time

I’m 29 years old and I believe I have been dealing with depression on my own for some years now. I only recently opened up to my family and friends when my thoughts and actions became so dark I couldn’t recognize myself. I was scared of myself and what I might do. I’ve take a leave of absence from work to come stay with my parents and seek medical help. What was once small and what seemed manageable has snowballed into this larger form that has taken over. The only words I can use to describe this feeling is empty. My mind constantly tells me there is no reason to live as I feel empty most days. Not sad or mad just nothingness. I find every reason to tell myself I have lived enough life to let it all go. Most days are like this recently - and on my good days I reason with myself how absurd I am to think in such a manner. I appreciate the air I breath, the adventures I go on, and the laughter shared with those I love. But it’s on these days that I know seeking professional help is what I need. Mental disease is real and I don’t know how I got here but I surely know I want to fix it. I pray and meditate for us all - for the world to show us all light and love. That no matter which form of mental health or illness you may be battling to know you are strong and brave. Strong enough to fight it and brave enough to recognize it and want more! I am an open book and would love to help anyone who needs a voice of reason. I maybe weak some days for myself but I am always there for my friends.
#Depression #MentalHealth #firstday
All my love,