I am tired of not feeling seen, of my truth being assumed and taken for granted.
I am #Bisexual #demisexual #genderfluid — I present as female and I’m married to a man, my lifelong best friend and ally.
I feel like I’m invisible to the #LGBTQIA + community because I married a man and pass for cisgender. I’m tired of feeling like I’m privileged and don’t understand what it means to be queer. I’m tired of feeling like I’m not a welcome part of the community. I can go to a bar or a club with him and people eye me suspiciously like I’m some kind of tourist. I feel like maybe that’s right, like I’m only “part-queer,” or something, so I’m nervous going out in my masculine clothes or talking about my experiences with women or what I find attractive in women or whatever.
My husband’s family is conservative, so I’m not officially out with them, and I’m tired of hearing homophobic jargon with the presumption that it’s fine, they’re not talking about me— because they are. At the same time I don’t want to face a falling out with his parents; I want to be allowed to be myself.
I feel like I’m often treated like an outsider by the group I identify with most and I can’t be myself with his family. I just want to be allowed to feel at home with my own identity. I don’t know if it’s me or the world who’s causing the struggle. I don’t know how to settle into myself.
I suppose I’m mostly looking to be seen and heard and understood the way I am, but also seeking any support, advice, or guidance others may have. I’m also really nervous talking about all of this. I know I have some social anxiety, and I was bullied for my queerness as a kid.